Boyfriend revealed secret: Update.

[blueconstancy]

Amy : Nice to meet you, too! I'd like to say, personally, that you *don't* have to answer all those questions now, and in fact trying to do so may do more harm than good. For one thing, if your needs change down the line, that means both of you have to adapt all over again; for another, there's no need to fret about the distant future when the present has enough challenges. One day at a time, if you can.

Ditto for the "happy ending"; if there's one thing I wish I'd known back then, it was that misery now did not preclude a happy ending later, and in fact may have *guaranteed* it. If you both do the best you can now, the future may be better than you expect.

[mac1]

Mac, I'm curious do you feel like you're angry/upset/another emotion... with your wife for not being totally onboard with your desire to transition?

Maybe just a little disappointed.

[mac1]

My now husband, future wife, just came out to me a few months ago as wanting to fully transition. We by no means have everything figured out, but I can offer a few things that really worked well for us. After the shock wore off, we had a lot of fun with dressing up. I got my wife a long wig and one night we did her up from head to toe. There was a glow about her that I had never seen before and it was SO attractive--even though I've never been attracted to girls before. Second, we went to a coffee shop and hid in a dark corner and made a timeline of the transition that we were both comfortable with. It sounds like you aren't in this place yet, but writing out a timeline really helped us be on the same page so there were no surprises we weren't somewhat prepared for. Another thing we did was we went on vacation to Las Vegas and for the entire vacation she was my wife. It gave me the idea of what life would be like and though I felt a little freaked out at first, it let me know that we could do this full time and be happy. Finally, on a more intimate level, we tried out sex as "lesbians." My wife hates using her male part, so my biggest fear was that I wouldn't feel real pleasure ever again. I was sooo wrong. Our personal life has never been better.

As far as family....UGH! He has told his and they are fine, but mine are going to freak. I guess you have to be prepared for the worst decision of your life...your family or your love.

Stay strong! It's a good sign you are seeking help on here. You wouldn't bother if you didn't care.

Good for you.  Sounds like it might be fun for both of you. I feel that it could also be fun for my wife and me if she could just give it a try.

[mac1]

Amy and Vtor, the best to both of you. May you find it possible to work everything out between you and have a long and happy life together.

[Amy85]

...I guess you have to be prepared for the worst decision of your life...your family or your love.

In our case I hope this isn't true. I don't think I could bring myself to make vtor make such a choice. Her family is so important to her, how can I take that away from her?

One of the possible options for my future is a part transition. Meaning going on HRT and living many aspects of my life as an androgynous man (such as work and visiting vtor's family to start with) and then other parts like home life or maybe even my close friends and family as a transwoman. So that means no SRS, but I have never had super negative feelings towards my male body/equipment when I am presenting as a man before (only when dressing in my other wardrobe) so I think I could do it without much of a problem as long as I know when I get home or whatever I can change into something more comfortable. Heck, even if I were to aim for a full transition the life I just described would be a phase where I lingered in my transition for a good long time. I just hope that I find I can be happy at that step so I didn't need to push it further than that which would be past vtor's comfort level.

[Amy85]

Amy and Vtor, the best to both of you. May you find it possible to work everything out between you and have a long and happy life together.

Thank you very much! We are hoping the future works out somehow, but determined to enjoy the present together

[Athena]

I do really hope you 2 make good on your relationship.

[Amy85]

I do really hope you 2 make good on your relationship.

Thank you   So do we

[vtor_91]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and general advice. We both really appreciate all you have said.

You've given me a lot to think about, I still have a lot of reservations and am anxious about a lot of any potential pending changes, but you've given me a bit of hope.

Thanks again everyone!

[Athena]

It's a scarey journey for both people in a relationship. Best wishes.

[Amy85]

Small update: I am going to be bringing Vtor to talk to my therapist next session. She is trained in couple's therapy as well and I hope she will be able to help us with the uncertainty of what a future for our relationship would look like. I also want to give Vtor a chance to be able to talk to someone other than me about this since I have asked her to keep my secret.

I am hopeful that the therapist will help to calm some fears and help us find a path that works for us, or at least help us to sort out our feelings on this whole matter. Vtor has been through some nasty anxiety since I came out to her and I have had a few bouts of depression.

[Athena]

Good thinking. Best of luck.

[Stanna]

Vtor, I think that seeing Amy's therapist together is a great idea. My wife will be joining me at my next session. I just came out to her 5 weeks ago and it was quite a shock to her, but she has been all in so far!
  I wish you both the best.

Hugs,  Stanna