Rather Confused Right Now

[Dodgem]

Hello Folks,

Maybe writing this will help me get my head straight. I've always thought of myself as a regular sort of guy, who spends some time most days looking at online porn. It's always been pretty girls with a few of those pornstar ->-bleeped-<- types from time to time for a bit more extra spice, but that seems to have changed of late. I look at genetic girls and vanilla sex stuff and absolutely nothing happens in the trouser department any more. I've not cross-dressed since I tried all my older sister's clothes about twenty years ago, but I've spent hour after hour over the last couple of months planning a new wardrobe for myself.  I've even  bought some pantyhose and shaved my legs, and some ankle boots on ebay, and..well that's it really. I keep having this thing in my head about being castrated and how wonderful it could be for me , that just  makes me explode inside, the most amazing thing ever, very weird.

I wonder if I have just overdosed on the internet porn and need to give it a rest for a bit, or maybe, just possible my life makes a little bit more sense. Or maybe it's just one of those mid-life crisis things one reads about.

[Rachel]

I do not have an answer to your question but perhaps a gender therapist may be in order.


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[Lady Smith]

You do really need to talk to a gender therapist about this.  Having an orchi done is very final and there's no way back if you change your mind.

[Devlyn]

Hi Dodgem, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm a crossdresser. You mention midlife, at some point the trousers department is going to see a drop in sales, that's just the way it goes.  You certainly don't need a therapist to crossdress, but seeking castration is a step beyond dressing. Poke around the site and sort your thoughts out, that's what we're here for.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dodgem]

Thanks folks, I think the castration thing is just something that goes around in my head. I'm pretty sure that dressing is for real, twenty years is quite a break though!

[femmebutt]

That IS a long break! Everyone has their own learning curve though. I always personally feel like I'm far behind some idealized rate of progress. But that's not a useful way of thinking. The only thing that matters is the learning.

And just to clarify what I mean by learning: what size you wear, what style you feel comfortable in, etc. You know, everything to do with dressing.  But most importantly learning about oneself.

So to that I say, have fun!

[Mariah]

Exactly, each of us is different in so many regards and our environments, genetics, and everything else plays a role in it. What we learn about ourselves is so important to because finally get to understand ourselves fully for the first time.
Mariah

That IS a long break! Everyone has their own learning curve though. I always personally feel like I'm far behind some idealized rate of progress. But that's not a useful way of thinking. The only thing that matters is the learning.

And just to clarify what I mean by learning: what size you wear, what style you feel comfortable in, etc. You know, everything to do with dressing.  But most importantly learning about oneself.

So to that I say, have fun!

[femmebutt]

Oh yeah, about the porn thing - as an avid adult entertainment enthusiast there was something pretty drastic that changed when I stopped going "there" so often. I had so much more energy to put into other more important things: eating right, exercise (you want to look good in that dress, right?!), being social, etc. A couple times I intentionally TRIED to chill out on the pornwebz but that gave it an unholy power... totally backfired. Rather I just kind of let it fall out of my head. And what do you know, all this other useful stuff fell in! If your hopes are that it might curb your impulse to dress, it may also backfire and have the opposite effect.

[Dodgem]

Thanks for the advice and support. Especially about the online porn thing, I am intrigued about how my response to that has been changing.

[Aazhie]

I'm pretty sure more most guys castration is a fantasy only.    nothing wrong with it either, there's fun ways to play with it if you have a trustworthy partner who is game for some roleplay too!

I wonder if taking a break from porn could help you sort out your head a bit?  Try some fantasizing without any outside stimulus that doesn't come from you or toys/clothes/your items of choice?
I forget what items are recommended for faken castration but blunt metal can be put in the freezer to simulate the sensation of cutting.  Always be careful and I always recommend heavy research and being careful to not hurt oneself, obviously! If you can't tell if your fantasies are something that need to become real, a therapist is a great aid to help you work out your feelings.  On the surface it sounds like you have some fairly average kinks, but don't hesitate to seek help if it feels like more.  There's a sex advice columnist named Dan Savage who is a fierce supporter for queer and kinkster rights. His writings are very NSFW with cursing and explicit language and descriptions, but many people write to him about things like cross dressing, porn and all kind of kinks so you can learn a lot browsing through some of the archives.  I think it helps me to discover what kinds of questions I have about myself to see what other people ask about their own behaviors/experiences, but that is just me! Good luck!