Can't do this anymore (trigger warning - suicide/depression)

[fallofadam]

I don't know how much longer I can do this. Ever since I came out to my mom, things have gotten worse - pronouns, clothes, birth name. Everything. Add that to my depression already, and in sliding back into the hole that I was in when I decided how I would end my life. You would think that knowing your child had a suicide plan would grab your attention, but I guess not for my mom. I'm just so tired of everything.

[FTMax]

Adam, if I remember correctly, you're 18, right? I know it sucks to not have the support of your parents, but perhaps it's time to take a break from mom. Are there any relatives living nearby who would be more accepting of you? Maybe a friend? It seems like you need a mental break from the situation you're in, and she doesn't seem to want to move forward. Maybe a few months living apart would do you both some good.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! We have hotlines posted if you're overwhelmed. Never throw a permanent solution at a temporary problem. Once you're on your own your mom won't have such an influence on you. Stay strong, hon.

Hugs, Devlyn

[fallofadam]

Adam, if I remember correctly, you're 18, right? I know it sucks to not have the support of your parents, but perhaps it's time to take a break from mom. Are there any relatives living nearby who would be more accepting of you? Maybe a friend? It seems like you need a mental break from the situation you're in, and she doesn't seem to want to move forward. Maybe a few months living apart would do you both some good.

I am 18, but I don't know if there's anywhere I can go. If I try to leave, it'll probably be worse. And it's not just because I came out. I admitted to her that I've been depressed and self-harming since the age of 10 and she didn't even bat an eyelash. Instead, she makes it harder for me. I don't get it.

[fallofadam]

Big hug! We have hotlines posted if you're overwhelmed. Never throw a permanent solution at a temporary problem. Once you're on your own your mom won't have such an influence on you. Stay strong, hon.

Hugs, Devlyn

It just really hurts that she doesn't even care at all that I have been suicidal for nearly 8 years. But she wouldn't wait a full heartbeat if this was my sister.

[Rachel]

I think you wrote in a past post that you have a grandmother and that you thought of living with her so as to transition easier.

Your Mom is not handling the news well and she is not supportive. Keep in mind she has been given a lot to think about and process.

Are you seeing a gender therapist? If not please consider seeing one ASAP. Also, if you are seeing a gender therapist see if your Mom can attend a session.

Suicidal ideation, for me, was a message I needed to make a change and not necessarily to end my life. It was a message from myself that what I was doing was not what I needed to do. When I expand and do something out of my comfort zone I feel fear. Fear is a massage I am doing something new and uncomfortable. You can make a plan to expand who you are just as easy as make a plan to choose suicide. The fear you will feel is normal and a sign your are out of your comfort zone.

Perhaps calling your grandmother is something that would really help you to make a plan to be yourself and give your mom some distance. At a distance the issues may be more easily resolved.

We are hear for you, hugs.

[Devlyn]

Yeah, it hurts, but her reactions can't be allowed to ruin how you live. You can only control how you think, and fretting about things you can't change is bad business.

Hugs, Devlyn

[fallofadam]

I think you wrote in a past post that you have a grandmother and that you thought of living with her so as to transition easier.

Your Mom is not handling the news well and she is not supportive. Keep in mind she has been given a lot to think about and process.

Are you seeing a gender therapist? If not please consider seeing one ASAP. Also, if you are seeing a gender therapist see if your Mom can attend a session.

Suicidal ideation, for me, was a message I needed to make a change and not necessarily to end my life. It was a message from myself that what I was doing was not what I needed to do. When I expand and do something out of my comfort zone I feel fear. Fear is a massage I am doing something new and uncomfortable. You can make a plan to expand who you are just as easy as make a plan to choose suicide. The fear you will feel is normal and a sign your are out of your comfort zone.

Perhaps calling your grandmother is something that would really help you to make a plan to be yourself and give your mom some distance. At a distance the issues may be more easily resolved.

We are hear for you, hugs.

Thank you. I do need to get out of here. I don't know how soon I can right now. Tomorrow is the last day of spring break, and I think grandma works all day. I am just mentally exhausted.

[Rachel]

Sleep is really important when you are stressed and depressed. Remember to eat and drink plenty of water. Exercise helps to release endorphins, I did an hour of exercise yesterday and today.