Casual-sex as an FTM

[Natkat]

I may have asked this once before if so I apoligize.
My question is, how do you find people to hook up with or have casual FWB sex with?

Since I am trans I don't feel safe simple hooking up because I need to know that they are trustworthy, that they are cool with me being trans and general threat me with respect, safe sex and all that, but its difficult.

I feel the typical gay bars tend to be rather transphobic so I cant simple meet someone at a bar and hook up (at least its rare). the more transfriendly ones are rare and typically very lesbian/femenist minded, which isnt a problem exept Im not a lesbian and I also want to have sex with guys. (+ I feel somehow morally wrong going to a lesbian/femenist minded place just to hook up.)

going online most people don't know what it is, the last time I had a transprofil I got alot of people who thought I was mtf, or who had a fetish for "tomboys" I have hook up once from the net but well, but I do prefer someone I know which lead me to the last option of friends with benefits.

the only problem with that is most of the people I had or considered to have FWB with felt in love with me.

also sure it demands you have a friend which you actually find sexually attractive and which want to have sex with you which isnt always the caise.
--
so whats your advice?

[sam1234]

You probably won't like this answer, but in today's climate, just hooking up for casual sex can be dangerous. Not only as far as disease, but how the other person will respond to you even if you tell them.

Unfortunately, people don't always tell the truth about their motives, who they are or how well they can keep their mouth shut. There is no way to know if the person you hook up with is going to "out" you to everyone they know, which may or may not be a problem for you. At worst you could wind up with bodily harm and getting robbed.

I guess I'm a bit old fashioned in that I have to care about someone to have intimate relations with, but I'm in no position to judge others for their opinions. There are just too many psychos out there to risk one night stands.

sam1234

[Laura_7]

I personally would look for a longer term relationship... or friendship... not placing the emphasis on sex, but people you can click with...

For longer term relationships you might look within queer circles, or lgbt circles... there might be groups and activities at lgbt centers...
you might look for open minded people in general...

well you might look at places like okc or pof, for example for lgbt people, contacting people in your surroundings...
taking it slow...

and you might think about hobbies, or friends... if you could meet people there...

always remember safety rules... listen to your gut feelings for doubts... its always your right to say no... and I'd say take your time...

what keeps you from a longer term relationship ? If you are a nice person you might have something to offer...
and people are in all kinds of relationships... it might take time and communication...


hugs

[Nygeel]

I've been really failing to navigate all this shizz forever. I'm on cruising sites and apps. Some I disclose on, others I don't. I haven't had much luck but I've been looking for a few years for a regular buddy.

Some parts of the bear community are pretty cool with trans men. I feel like of all the apps, scruff will provide you with better quality conversations. Grindr will provide for people who want to meet immediately and might not get trans lingo as much as guys on scruff.

[Natkat]

what keeps you from a longer term relationship ? If you are a nice person you might have something to offer...
and people are in all kinds of relationships... it might take time and communication...

the simple fact that I don't want a relationship I just want to ->-bleeped-<-. my ideal goal would be to have a close friend who lived nearby to have sex with once in a while, currently thats not an option as the only people who so far have wanted to wanted it because they wanted to be in a romantic relationship with me, which im not interesteed in.

Some parts of the bear community are pretty cool with trans men. I feel like of all the apps, scruff will provide you with better quality conversations. Grindr will provide for people who want to meet immediately and might not get trans lingo as much as guys on scruff.

i'm not a bear mysel but im open for it if people ind me attractive and opposite. I am on Grindr havent tried scruff yet I may check it out. I haven't got any negative experience with grindr so far but I feel its abit too shallow. I like those type of sites where you can go into details and write more about yourself, but its works on finding people locally which is a good thing for sure.

[aleon515]

Here's my advice: If you have sex with men, make sure to get yourself tested for HIV. Trans men, esp receptive partners are susceptible, and it doesn't matter which "hole" you use.

--Jay

[wheat thins are delicious]

Here's my advice: If you have sex with men, make sure to get yourself tested for HIV. Trans men, esp receptive partners are susceptible, and it doesn't matter which "hole" you use.

--Jay

This in addition to always practicing safe sex, condoms should be used for oral as well as penetration. 

[Nygeel]

Here's my advice: If you have sex with men, make sure to get yourself tested for HIV. Trans men, esp receptive partners are susceptible, and it doesn't matter which "hole" you use.

--Jay

I recommend PrEP. It's a daily pill to prevent HIV transmission. If you use ITT as directed even without condoms the rate of transmission is less than that of a person just using condoms. You can get it for a dollar if you find a program (there's tons).

[FriendsCallMeChris]

I recommend PrEP. It's a daily pill to prevent HIV transmission. If you use ITT as directed even without condoms the rate of transmission is less than that of a person just using condoms. You can get it for a dollar if you find a program (there's tons).

Have you checked out the effects of PrEP on the liver and kidneys?  It might give you pause before you use it so often. 

[Nygeel]

Have you checked out the effects of PrEP on the liver and kidneys?  It might give you pause before you use it so often.

Well, you're supposed to use it every day, if you don't take it every day then it has no effect and you at suseptable to contracting HIV. Also in most states you have to get blood work every 3 months while on PrEP.

Side effects of testosterone include liver damage, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, increased risk of blood clots, and mood changes.

Edit to add: less than 1% of users have had changes to kidney function. Some people are taken off PrEP due to kidney function and 98% are able to resume without any issues.

[sam1234]

I find the idea of sex for the sake of sex rather bleak. It should be another way of involving oneself with another human being and finding comfort in the closeness of someone whom you trust and care for. As hard as it is for transgenders to find long lasting relationships, acceptance and love, it may be harder to find someone who just wants sex with nothing else.

A blow up doll would probably be safer. I don't mean that glibbly, just that if its pure sex you want with no strings, that or masturbation is about the only way you can be absolutely sure that the other person is not going to wind up wanting something more than just sex. Even if they say they just want sex, no strings attached, there is always the possibility that they may change their mind. It just seems that the dangers outway anything you would achieve with a fast pickup.

sam1234