"What do you pretend to be?" -My sister

[awkward-shark]

(For reference: I'm a non binary, trans masculine person). I'm not out with my family (they think I'm a lesbian, to wich I don't identify as). My mom came from grocery shopping and asked my sister and I to take the bags from the car, I tried to carry a heavy box with many milk cartons and a heavy bottle of..something to clean the floor with, but I couldn't. My sister was behind of me, with two bottles of shampoo, and said "face it, you can't do it" and took the huge bottle of green liquid. When we were inside the house she said those words in the subject.
"You can't carry all that, what do you pretend to be?
And of course that hit me hard, I heard it like an echo on my head (I'm a very dramatic person).
My father and all cis men I know always carry heavy stuff. I try to do the same stuff they do because know I can carry heavy stuff but even if I wish to I'm not on T and I can only carry so much weight before I colapse... And it makes me feel insecure.
Also, it's not the first time my sister says something like that to me, wich makes me think: she suspects I'm trans or she thinks I'm "one of those lesbians who want to be stronger than men". It makes me sad and angry that I can't tell her who I am, how I feel and that I'm not pretending...
As a non binary person, I'm getting sick of people seeing me as a gender or a sexual orientation just because of my behavior and looks... I wish everyone could just see me as a person instead of anything else.

[mfox]

It sounds like she was a little envious in the moment.  I bet you can still carry more than her, even if you can't lift a dozen milk cartons yet.  Either way, I think she's being judgmental because she looks up to you.  Maybe she's trying/hoping to keep you as a role model, one that still fits with her ideals of beauty, gender and sexuality?

"Pretend" was a bad choice of words on her part.  Do you think she really knew how you'd feel?  She just doesn't understand yet.  Maybe if you explain it in basic terms of how you feel, it could be easier, like "I'm happier.. with a stronger body" or "with short hair".  I'm sure she wants you to be happy.

[Rachel]

Perhaps she is noticing your differences between her and you and expressing what she is seeing, the differences.

If she "knew" do you think she would hurt you intentionally?

Perhaps she notices the differences and is leaving an opportunity for you to discuss it.

I do not know your situation or all that is going on in your family but perhaps others are seeing that your personality is unique than the stereotypical and expressing what they notice.

[Ms Grace]

I wish everyone could just see me as a person instead of anything else.

I totally get where you're coming from with this. I'm fond of saying "I'm not a 'he' or a 'she' just me."

Sadly the binary cisgender world and many of those that inhabit it act as gender cops and enforce the "rules" usually without even being aware of what they are doing. Sounds like your sister, that's for sure.

As for lifting weights, having T in your system would definitely make a difference but even with some weight training you might be able to heft a lot more than you realise... that might make your sister think twice before shooting off her mouth!

[awkward-shark]

Mfox, I honestly don't think she looks up to me, it's more of the way our relationship works, very often when we were little (she's barely a year older than me) she would bring me down on some ways, I can't really remember how, but I'm the one usually looking up to her (in a negative way) even if we're very different in many ways, as most siblings are. I think the reason she says hurtful things is just because she's used to being mean and probably lacks empathy. I should tell her how I feel somewhat but our family has a rare dinamic and we rarely speak about our feelings. I know it's a bad thing but... it's what it is.
What I like to do is simply say "this way I feel comfortable", "this way I feel like myself" and things of the sort. Most people get it right away but my sister often says "You'd look prettier diffetent"; what she means of course is that I'd look like a woman.

Cynthia, I guess by knew you mean knew I'm trans... I definitely don't think she'll try to hurt me, but she wouldn't be happy, sometimes I think she'd feel disgusted  . And yeah, lately some of the things she says she says it with actual wonder like she really wants me to explain myself, she's probably noticed I've changed, but this comments of her are very recent and I'm in no way ready to tell her openly that I'm trans.

Grace, I'm surronded by gender cops lol, most of the time they're friends and they do hurt my feelings even when they're not talking about myself. Most people say things on my face and don't realice that those people they're saying trash of are pretty much me. It's not their fault but I'm never on the mood to educate them or have any sort of debate with them, wich is weird since I'm always up to debate political and social justice issues but sometimes when I'm too involved on the topic I'm afraid I'll get emotional "lose my ground".

I know the only thing I can do is talk but this is imposible as I'm really really afraid of losing my family or the love they have for me, as well as losing friends. Maybe I should get used to getting my feelings hurt?