Has a "friend" ever abandoned you because they disagreed with you politically?

[Sunderland]

I don't mean that they had a problem with you being trans, or your sexuality, or anything like that. I mean they simply hated you for seeing the world differently.

This happened to me for the first time today. I have been going through some rough times, and every time I tried to reach out to someone I considered one of my closest friends, she wouldn't respond. She would always show up a week or two later with a different excuse, then reiterate that I could reach out to her when I was in crisis, but she was never there for me when I did. This was particularly upsetting since I had always been there for her. After experiencing this treatment time and time again, things reached a boiling point and we got into an argument, during which, she admitted to me that she had been purposefully ignoring me, and that it was because she didn't like my political views. I was shocked. We've never argued over politics. We've rarely even discussed them. And anytime we have, I've been polite to her, even when she was expressing views that I strongly opposed.

I just... I just don't get it. I've never cared what my friends' politics are, and I never expected them to be so bothered by mine. As a matter of fact, all my closest friends have radically different politics to mine. We never have any issues getting along or respecting each other. Why is this such a big deal to her?

I guess I'm wondering now... Is this common? Has anyone you've been close to ever cut ties or distanced themselves from you for no other reason than not sharing the same political beliefs? Would you?

[marsh monster]

Are you sure she is being completely honest with you?  Does she have religious views that could conflict with your political views?  Often, people will use excuses that don't seem as bad to avoid being honest when they withdraw from someone. 


And I have had no one do that to me over politics. Because I'm trans, yes, plenty, but not for political reasons.

[Sunderland]

I guess it really could have been an excuse, but if she's going to cut me out of her life, she could at least be honest about why she's doing it, if the political thing really is just a cop out.

No, neither of us is religious. We're both atheists. I guess that's another reason it's so shocking to me. And it's not because I'm trans, since she's also trans.

[awilliams1701]

I have a friend that we had a nasty argument over politics a few years back. I respected the fact that his views were completely different than mine even though I disagree with them. His attitude is if you can't make enough money to take care of your self then rot and die on the streets. My views are about compassion to a point. I believe that the government should help people get on their feet when they fall, but it shouldn't let them park their asses on a couch.

I respected but disagreed with his views, but he didn't respect mine at all. People like me are part of the problem. I had no choice but to take him off facebook. Back then there wasn't a way to hide certain posts and his were just pissing me off. I ended up with another friend on facebook that posted (no commentary at all) a bunch of political posts clearly indicating that she was against my views. Fortunately as I was about to remove her, I discovered I could block her posts from those sources without blocking all her posts. Eventually I refriended my first friend and already most of his posts were already blocked because of my other friend. However he did raise a stink about a petition I signed. I said that NFL shouldn't be non-profit and should have to pay taxes. Personally I don't think entertainment should ever be non-profit. Also I don't like the NFL because they allow various teams to pay the cheerleaders less than minimum wage. Eventually I deleted our conversation and blocked him from the post. Any future posts of any kind of a political nature that he replies to in a negative way I'll do that same thing immediately.

[marsh monster]

I guess it really could have been an excuse, but if she's going to cut me out of her life, she could at least be honest about why she's doing it, if the political thing really is just a cop out.

No, neither of us is religious. We're both atheists. I guess that's another reason it's so shocking to me. And it's not because I'm trans, since she's also trans.

From my experiences, you can't really rule out even that just because she is trans. Some trans women will drop other trans friends if they are at vastly different stages of transition. Not saying that's what she did...

Political reasons just sounds so bs to me. Heck hardcore dems have married hardcore pubs and been fine. I have a few crazy conspiracy type friends and I think some of their views are completely ridiculous, but hey, I still like them and value their friendship, I just avoid talking about crazy conspiracies with them, lol.

Either way, just move on. Its for the best if that's how little they value your friendship. At least that's my opinion.

[Sunderland]

Thanks. You're right, and I feel better now that some time has passed. She had been distancing herself from me for a while, so I'm not terribly broken up over losing her friendship at this point. I was just never expecting it to be because of the reason she gave. But yeah... I suppose it could have actually been about anything. I'm definitely with you on thinking it sounds like a BS reason, but I can't think of any other one. I consider us at similar points in our transition... She isn't on hormones yet, but she should be starting them soon. I've been on mine for a few months, but I haven't gotten any great results from them... Nothing I'd consider worthy of jealousy or something.

*giggles* Yeah, I know what you mean about the conspiracy folks. I'd consider her in that category. There have been times where she's going on about something and I am just completely lost, looking at her with a blank stare, and all I can respond with is, "Um... Okay."

AWilliams, that's exactly the reason I stopped using Facebook. It was just a constant bombardment of my relatives' political propaganda. A lot of anti-Obama stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm not his biggest fan, but these were the kind of people who never shut up about him and thought he was to blame for everything down to their morning coffee being too hot, lol. Just... Yeesh. I wasn't getting any great use out of the site, and the political stuff was, like, 99% of my feed, so I just left.

*hugs* Thank you both for replying.

[Jill F]

Since I believe that no two human beings share exactly the same religious or political views and you were good with each other before, this sounds like BS.

I suspect petty jealousy here and politics was used as a convenient excuse.

Personally, my mind is not for rent to any god or government, so if anyone takes exception to my crazy, radical agenda and wants to unfriend me over it, I know this isn't the real reason.

[Sunderland]

Since I believe that no two human beings share exactly the same religious or political views and you were good with each other before, this sounds like BS.

I suspect petty jealousy here and politics was used as a convenient excuse.

Personally, my mind is not for rent to any god or government, so if anyone takes exception to my crazy, radical agenda and wants to unfriend me over it, I know this isn't the real reason.

Hehe. Now you've got Tom Sawyer playing in my head.

I'll respect anyone's crazy, radical agenda as long as they respect mine. 

[Beatriz]

Go figure. It might actually be over political views, or what she told you could be at least a half-truth.

It does sounds as much of a BS excuse as it sounds feasible, since from what I've seen people like to behave the same in all fields. People often only believe what they want to believe, and only see what they want to see, no matter the arguments: that can upset some people enough to have them distance themselves for you for petty reasons.

How people feel is a scary thing, and how something can be psychologically true for them even more so. Starting from the moment she thinks "this is absolutely unacceptable", turns out it'll be absolutely unacceptable for her, and it'll be impossible in her mind to accept you just as it is "impossible" to solve that math problem in high school.

Dunno, maybe she felt indirectly insulted by some political opinion you had or something.

Or it might as well be total BS. Either way, if she distanced herself from you over something petty, be it an excuse or not, I don't think she was ever your friend in the first place.

[Sunderland]

Honestly, I've felt far better since we went our own ways. I have other friends of a similar political persuasion, and I talked to them about it after, because I guess I was a bit paranoid that maybe they felt the same and didn't really like me, either. They all thought she was being immature and said that if she couldn't handle being friends with someone with my views, she had issues. So that made me feel a ton better. And now that I'm looking back at our friendship from the outside, she really was very obnoxious and judgmental sometimes... I think she brought me down more than I realized. But she could be so sweet, too... Or she seemed that way. Now I'm starting to wonder how much of that was insincere.

[valkiacrimson]

As someone whose politics is *ahem* "non-binary" (forgive the pun) I get a lot anger shot my way from all over the political spectrum. I'd say don't let it get you down, and just accept that everyone will not agree with you. If they become hostile then usually that is their own problem.

Like the old saying goes: It is the mark of an intelligent mind to be able to entertain an idea or position without having to accept it.

[Kylie]

It doesn't sounds like a legit reason, but you never know.  I have been really distancing myself from everyone in my life lately, especially my socially conservative friends.  I've also left facebook to get away from some of the political/social ugliness.  They don't know why, and I am not in a position to explain it to them since I am not "out".  I would never leave them hanging, if they really needed me though, that is what feels different about your situation.  I would maybe ask her once for clarification, but not push it.  If she is worth having as a friend, she will come around at some point and explain.  There are times when I feel like I may take off to Hawaii and leave everyone behind without saying a word.  You just never know what may be behind someone's actions, and it may not be personal at all.  Has she pushed other people away, or just you?  That may help you figure out the reason.  If she is still hanging out with people that share your political beliefs, it may be an issue specific to you.  If she doesn't hang around anyone who shares your political beliefs, she may be telling you the truth.  If she is pushing everyone away, it obviously isn't personal, and more about her.

[Ms Grace]

I know someone who evicted his flatmate over where he worked (doing IT for a weapons manufacturer). Seemed pretty hardline to me but that was his principles and he held the lease.

It really does depend on the person - and friendships have been lost over a lot less than differences of view on politics.

[Devlyn]

Interesting, Grace. I had a boss turn down a nice military job once. The company could have used the business, but he fely strongly about it.  I work on military systems now. Take that, terrorists! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Dee Marshall]

I know someone who evicted his flatmate over where he worked (doing IT for a weapons manufacturer). Seemed pretty hardline to me but that was his principles and he held the lease.

It really does depend on the person - and friendships have been lost over a lot less than differences of view on politics.

l had friends giving me grief about a job like that. I told them someone was going to make them and I would prefer they go where they're aimed.

[iKate]

I was a founding member and mod at a popular forum.

The principal people leaned very much left - we bashed George W Bush a lot. (Truth is he's hated by both parties, the DHS monstrosity is his baby and I think Iraq was a mistake. ) They loved me because I was (and still am?) very witty.

However these guys went way off the deep end when Obama was elected.

Anyway at some point I just got fed up... look, Obama is not God. I am glad he got elected, but there are many things I don't agree with him on, such as tax policy and the 2nd amendment. I didn't say that exactly but I opposed them on a lot of things. Politely. I really don't take too kindly to people who think I am a dangerous gun nut because I own a couple of AR-15s, a 1911 and a few others.

Eventually they got so against me they eventually took away my mod badge and eventually banned me from the forums... basically because I don't tow the line. Oh well, c'est la vie. One of the other mods stuck up for me but they pushed him out too.

Amazingly enough they have two trans women on that forum. One of them turned COMPLETELY against me, to the point of virtually assassinating my character. The other ones just take occasional swipes at me.

Ah well, friends, who needs those kinds?

Honestly I think friends these days are overrated. I think I am going to start fresh. I discovered my backstabbing "friends" are talking behind my back now, calling me a "skinny jeans wearing homo" and other nonsense. I think they are jealous though.

[iKate]

Since I believe that no two human beings share exactly the same religious or political views and you were good with each other before, this sounds like BS.

I suspect petty jealousy here and politics was used as a convenient excuse.

Personally, my mind is not for rent to any god or government, so if anyone takes exception to my crazy, radical agenda and wants to unfriend me over it, I know this isn't the real reason.

I suspect so too with my former "friends."

I make more money than they do, and I have more "stuff" and I am generally better off, better educated and in a better place. But I don't push it in their faces. I save my money. My daily driver is a 10 year 4 cylinder honda accord, for example. I spend most of my money on my kids, mostly on school.

So petty jealousy seems like it.

[Sunderland]

*hugs Kate*

Sorry it happened like that.

[LordKAT]

Friends who desert you over small differing opinions often weren't 'true' friends. More like close acquaintances.
Friends would be into discussing even if disagreeing. It still always stings a little when people aren't quite the persons you took them to be.

[kariann330]

There are only 4 people in my family that will talk to me because of my political views and my standings on gun ownership.....friends, I have maybe 6 or 7 of them now.

When I was more democrat however I had probably 30 friends and my entire family talked to me and would come over to my property.