how long can I hide a transition from MTF? when going on HRT, Laser, etc...

[alexis.j]

Hi there.
Welll, to be honest, i think you could get away still living as a male for quite a long time (years), but the problem comes in with the mental changes (or at least for me). After 6 months of hrt, and  still living as a male 90%of the time, i just couldn't take it anymore and had to go full  time!

So, looks / body wise, im sure it possible. And there are many feminine guys aut there too. As well as guys with obvious breast. But if the mental changes start affecting you, you might be in for a surprise...

[Cindy]

What I got caught out by wasn't so much physical but mental. My colleagues started to notice a personality change, I was (and am) happy. After being Mr Grouch for so long people started to ask what had changed to make me happy, and I think sober.

[DanaDane]

I couldn't pass as male to strangers by 3 months on HRT and was 42C at four months.

Whoa, that's incredible.  What were you prior to HRT?  42 is a beefy chest size (I'm 40, so I know how you feel). 

I have no idea what to expect size wise for myself.  I'm 2 weeks in and my nipples were itchy for a few days but have seemed to calm down.

I need to be stealthy for as long as possible.  I have no direct plans to come out to Work, Church, Family, Kids.  Does that mean that I won't?   No.  It means that I have time to figure it out.

[Jenna Marie]

Dana : Dunno, I never measured, but I'd guess looking at old pictures (and what I was able to fit within the first week) that maybe an A cup.  I definitely had some gynecomastia that included actual breast tissue development at puberty.

My chest actually measures 37" underbust, but for some reason my favorite T-shirt bra from Lane Bryant fits best in a 42...  (When I was professionally measured, I'm now 38DD, yet the best-fitting LB bra is a 42DDD. Go figure; I guess their bands run big and cups small, which maybe makes sense given their target market. My wife had the same thing happen - she was measured at Nordstrom's alongside me as 36J but fits HER favorite LB bra as 42H. Anyway, bras are weird.)

If you plan to stay undercover for a while, hope for slow breast growth, is my advice.

[Serena]

I think that 10 years is too long, especally if you plan on growing your hair out or getting rid of facial hair (maybe if you keep the facial hair you'll able to pass as a male when you want to).

If you want your spouse to stay, you should not hide this from her, that's just wrong, and if you know already that she won't stay, then that will not change in the future, and it's still wrong to keep it from her, because you're wasting her time. She has the right to get out of this relationship and try to find something else to make her more happy, if that's what she wants. Plus, if she was very liberal and wanted to stay together, she would feel hurt that you are taking hrt without consulting her first.

[DanaDane]

If you plan to stay undercover for a while, hope for slow breast growth, is my advice.

THIS!

[Emily R]

As I have said before, I plan to hide my transition for a combination of work and family reasons for about 5 years, but I realize it will be difficult not only because of the changes to the body caused by the low dosage HRT, but more so for the disphoria of not showing and living in my own gender.

I have been following the F2M threads about binders and binding and do plan to start wearing either a loose undershirt and shirt on top or a binder to hide my breast if they were to start getting too well developed, I could even cut down on the dosage or stop altogether for a period of time. But everything is in destiny's hands as how I develop and the pressure of remaining a man in the eyes of my fellow workers.  Others have done it or are currently doing it, but we will see..  I can always blamed it on Gynecomastia as I am taking medication for an enlarge prostrate that can cause men boobs

Since I am pretty much have a big bold spot, I will not be growing my hair unless the Estrogen were to cause a miraculous recovery and then I would definitely let my hair grow, I already had laser and shave all of my body and have completed about 60 % of electrolysis on my face.

I think the passing as a man is possible unless you don't control yourself, but the main issue is if you have the perseverance of sticking to your schedule and not coming out.

We will see if I can do it.  How about you?

Emily

[JoanneB]

If you plan to stay undercover for a while, hope for slow breast growth, is my advice.

Low dose is a great option here.

I've been On/Off low dose HRT several times throughout the decades for the much need emotional reset. After a few months freaking out since HRT was pretty much in direct conflict of The Prime Directive of being a "Normal" guy

[JoanneB]

Since I am pretty much have a big bold spot, I will not be growing my hair unless the Estrogen were to cause a miraculous recovery and then I would definitely let my hair grow, I already had laser and shave all of my body and have completed about 60 % of electrolysis on my face.

I think the passing as a man is possible unless you don't control yourself, but the main issue is if you have the perseverance of sticking to your schedule and not coming out.

At 6ft tall and balding since 14 you could call me Friar Tuck with a B cup. I lived and worked in a small rural town in West Virginia. Where I worked there was like 1500 employees. I had no fear being out and about as Joanne. No way, no how could just about anyone make the connection.... OK the Jersey tags on the car maybe 

[Jenna Marie]

(Binding breasts can permanently damage breast tissue, particularly during development; it's not a good choice for someone who wants to have healthy perky breasts later on.)

Joanne, unluckily for me, I was and am on a super low dose. It's well within what's prescribed to menopausal cis women. I'm an outlier, I think, but I tell my story from time to time to serve as a warning to anyone who thinks low dose is a guarantee of slow changes or that hiding transition forever is always possible.

[Emily R]

Well, I'm a cautionary tale - I ended up having to come out and transition at work earlier than I expected, when I couldn't pass as male to strangers by 3 months on HRT and was 42C at four months. I'd hoped to wait to the end of the summer, another 2-3 months, but...

(My wife knew before I even started transition, though. It's a huge risk not to be fully honest with one's spouse; my wife spends a lot of time doing partner support, and she says active deception about beginning transition is one big reason spouses leave.)

Jenna Marie,

I am sorry if you already answer this but, were you taking a low dosage of estrogen when you started? and also if I may ask how old were you at the time?  If I were to develop as you did, I dont know what I would do, but hopefully I would realize the rate of growth and would quit taking hormones until i could make some objective decisions.

I am taking half of what a post menopausal woman would take and also at 61 unless my body reacts surprisingly aggressive the changes should be very slow.  In reference to binding, again I think i would react before they grew too big and I needed to bind, but it is possible to hide them most of the time them with the proper layering, or at least I hope I will be able to do it if necessary, either that or i will be passing as an old men with men boobs.

One of the first persons at Susans that I communicated with was JoanneB and after exchaging PM's with her early this year when I came out to myself and my wife, I convinced ourselves that together we could survive the 5 years and continue together the rest of our lives as JoanneB has done.  It has not been easy for her and neither for us, many tears and extended conversations discussing our lives and future together, but with some luck and divine assistance we shall make it.  I know that she is also on somewhat the same situation and that it changes from day to day, but all we can do is take one day at a time.

[JoanneB]

Joanne, unluckily for me, I was and am on a super low dose. It's well within what's prescribed to menopausal cis women. I'm an outlier, I think, but I tell my story from time to time to serve as a warning to anyone who thinks low dose is a guarantee of slow changes or that hiding transition forever is always possible.

Part B of violating "The Prime Directive" was things not working so well downstairs and things starting to sprout upstairs. I was gynocomastic to start with. So I hear ya. I needed to stop, I also needed the help.

Now on full dose for 5 years... I can't be sure what if anything can get me to stop

[Jenna Marie]

Emily : Yes, I started on a low dose and ended up having to cut that in half when liver tests at 3 months showed it was *still* too much. (I can't say the exact dose, but within what's given to menopausal cis women, and more than a friend of mine who had a hysterectomy gets.) I was 32 when I started. Just extra responsive, I guess.

On the bright side, layering as you suggest worked fine up to the 42C point, so you should be OK for a while...

Good luck with your wife. Mine has stuck with me and we're still very much in love, and I know I'm super lucky.

[Elena29]

I have been on HRT for 9 months.  I monitor estrogen and T levels closely through 4-6 week blood work and have throttled back slightly as, like you, I still need to present male and am trying to work a reasonable arrangement with my spouse.  I have taken things in stages.  I have done 6 months of laser facial hair removal (I am lucky in that from a body perspective I never had chest or back hair ever).  I effectively no longer need to shave and nobody notices.  I have had some breast development and now have an androgynous look there.  I did buy a high quality sports bra (Under Armour - really the best!) to wear for comfort when the irritation/pain on top really asks for some padding.  Get white and wear under a T-Shirt and then a regular dress shirt (medium colors are no problem - just not silky see-thru white) and nobody will ever know and you will love the comfort and feel of wearing it.  I am scheduled for some FSS surgery which I am fortunate that my company health plan may pay for some of it.  Even if I have to pay, I am going to do it as I want to make my looks match how I feel.  So as you see I am like you moving forward in controlled stages.  This works well for me.  I am feeling really good right now .... Good Luck and keep moving foward!