So I've been out to my close friends since January. And during that first conversation my best friend was a little hesitant to support me, saying she wished I could just "love myself for who I am now". But after we talked she saw how excited the prospect of transitioning made me and she started to change her tune.
Over the past few months she's been really supportive. Asking me what name I'd like to go by, how my therapist search is going, and even offering to drive me to a clinic.
But yesterday we were hanging out and I was asking her advice on coming out on Facebook. (I've been debating between just switching my name/gender and leaving it at that, or actually making some sort of status update to go along with the switch. And I figured since she knows my friend and stuff she's closer to the situation to help me talk that out.)
And it was like saying that I was going to tell everyone set something off in her and she launched back into the whole "why can't you just love yourself the way you are now" and "but you've got a lot that feminine about you" and "don't people who transition always look a little weird, like are there any that even REALLY look like a guy?"
It was so weird. For months she's be SO supportive and now I just keep replaying the conversation in my head and wanting to punch something or vomit or crawl in hole or something. I just don't understand.
And her reaction is making me REALLY second guess coming out this Friday which is something I WAS looking forward to now for about a month. Seriously counting the days and stuff. And now I'm just all...ugh...
