Quote from: orangejuice on April 20, 2015, 01:52:24 PM
I'm a largely built guy who would have little to zero chance of looking female on hormones. And when I say largely built I mean bone structure, head size, arm length, hand size, feet size etc. I would love to get other peoples opinions.
I feel very different to most trans people. I've always wanted to be a girl since I was a kid, but it was always just as a sort of preference, I was happy as a guy, and I am still happy as a guy, the only thing that cripples me is having this feeling just spring up out of nowhere, I'm depressed for a few days then I go back to being who I am and being happy, which is a fairly normal guy. Basically what I'm trying to say is I don't think I absolutely must transition, it would just make life a lot easier if this feeling could be dealt with.
if I'm not going to look female anyway then taking hormones is absolutely not going to be the best way to deal with it. So like I said, if you look at these and think I'd have no chance, please say so.
I'm 26, 6ft and have size 12 UK mens feet. I'm the one on the left below.
I saw your pictures. The first one with the t-shirt is useful, because one can see your build. The other is not.
I have a similar bone structure to yours (large). And I was a bodybuilder all my teenage years and also a couple in my early 20's. I decided to do that because I was being bullied in junior high because I was skinny and very shy, so bullies easily picked on me. So I became HUGE as a bodybuilder. I did that for about six years non-stop. At one point I was doing biceps curls with 220 pounds. Nobody in the gym that wasn't very heavy on steroids (I wasn't BTW, I was all natural) could get even close to that.
I am 6 feet tall. After almost six years on HRT and almost five since an orchi, my arms are still large (about 13 inches resting and close to 14 1/2 with the biceps flexed). But at my peak when I was a bodybuilder, my biceps were above 18 inches flexed, of mostly muscle. Now they are probably half muscle half fat, but they look still too large for a woman.
I used to have an inverted tiriangle figure similar to yours in the pic, yet my figure now is approaching hourglass more and more, but I've learned to do things like using a more fem posture (shoulders back, bust sticking out, rear sticking out as well).
I think my hips were larger than yours naturally (hip bone width, that's what matters, not the size of the rear itself really) but not by too much. Being a bodybuilder, I was able to find and learn a few stretching and muscle building exercises to make them a bit wider. My folks are both small in that area (hips, rear) so it has been a real struggle but I have improved. And I wear enhancing clothing for hips and bust (padded softball shorts, slightly padded bra to complete a B cup). Just a little bit of help, but that little helps me look more hourglass-like and therefore more "passable" as a female, in skinny jeans which I love to wear.
So I am a living example of somebody who had a similar body before transitioning and managed to change it to a barely feminine body. I am still very self-conscious of my whole upper body. I never wear anything short-sleeved or sleeveless in public as a woman. But I pass fine as long as I cover my arms and wear a somewhat loose-fitting jacket over a nice tight blouse, just hinting my breast area. My point is, it is possible to pass even having a build that is larger than average, for a woman. Because when one is big, specially in bone structure, yes, one DOES change a lot, but
a miracle does not occur (like changing an inverted triangle shape into an hourglass figure or a triangle figure, that would be just impossible without extensive plastic surgery, also things like hand and feet size and shape don't really change, if anything only the skin may look and feel softer and you may lose most of the body hair in those areas).
Now, having given you a summarized idea of what you may expect according to my own personal experience, I want to really point out the following:
I quoted what I considered the essence if your message. You say you are happy as a guy. That summarizes it for me. I was NEVER happy as a guy. Never ever. I always envied women and wanted to be them, not have them, for example. I always hated my male genitals and my male body and the voice and just anything male in me, in a nutshell. And even so, when I took the COGIATI test, which has to be taken in a 100% honest manner by the way, otherwise you would just deceive yourself, I got defined as "probable transsexual" and then after years of transitioning I took it again just by curiosity and I got the same result again! I got that because my brain is not so similar to what are supposed to be typical female attitudes, behaviors and cognitive abilities different from men's. But being a probable transsexual, mind wise, is good enough to try transitioning (HRT, presenting at least androgynously in public at first), just as some sort of testing the waters deal, before making huge lifestyle-changing decisions. So I did it and now I never want to go back. But as I said before, I totally HATED everything male in me. I tried to fit in as a male in society and I utterly failed, both socially and sexually. That's why I never married and got any kids.
In your particular case it sounds like you are an androgynous person, a person who enjoys their assigned gender role and the body that goes with it, and
only sometimes enjoys the opposite role and fancies having the body corresponding to the opposite birth gender as well.
So I think that you really have to try and get some counseling about your gender issues, Seek a gender therapist that treats MTF transgender people in your area. You may explain your concerns exactly as you did on here, and probably answer some tests to define your level of dysphoria and what kind of gender variety you belong to. If you are an androgynous person as opposed to a real transsexual, you could do more harm than good if you start transitioning to female. So your first goal should be to try and really asses what you are gender identity-wise, and THEN find a way to enjoy your gender expressions free from any shame or embarrassment, by trying to answer any questions you might have, with a professional specialized in MTF transgender people.
Your age is still a great age to start, even in spite of your bone structure. But it is important to assess if you are really a transsexual or very close to it, or you are rather a person with a medium or mild dysphoria, who can cope with activities different from starting HRT and transitioning, which is a very serious, very tough and stressful commitment, and it will affect both your emotional stability, your health and your whole social life. If it is just a momentary feeling (wanting to be a woman) and then you can deal with it and then you go back to liking being a guy without any regrets, then I really think you are not ready to transition, but only a professional could assess you better IMO.
Cheers
Bibi B.
