Emotional effects on HRT (MtF)

acd_92 · May 02, 2015, 12:59:15 AM

I wrote in my journal tonight,

"I had such an incredible gender euphoria day today! When I got back from the movies and changed, I couldn't help but notice how incredibly soft my skin is. So beautifully soft. I just feel so delicate and I love this so much. I'm just...trying to reconcile with the idea that it is okay to want to be softer. That it is okay to want to be more feminine. It is truly incredible just how much more in touch I am with my emotions and how much easier it is to cry.

It is so lovely to be able to cry in this way."

I've just been so much more emotional, just so much more...feeling...like...everything is worth crying about? So much more sensitive...

And I was just curious as to your experiences on hormones as they pertain to the emotional side of things. Before I started my hormones (and I'm 2 and a half weeks in now), my doctor said that I would "have access to a wider range of emotions." And I'm simultaneously figuring out what that means and also finding that to be true.

MissSkorup · May 02, 2015, 01:11:33 AM

i havnt even started hormones yet, but just being more of me, i am able to feel more. it is quite interesting.

DanielleA · May 02, 2015, 02:16:23 AM

When I started on oestrogen the doctor put me on a high level. It had me crying and furious over nothing. It happened again one day when my mum and I were in Lismore and I had accidentally double dosed the night before. That being said though, The way I emotionally handle things is alot more expressive. For me it could be because the relief of being open and free with being transgendered has allowed me to be open with my emotions.

Valwen · May 02, 2015, 03:43:08 AM

I haven't notice any massive changes, I don't start crying suddenly but I have found that things that previously would have caused an emotional reaction in me hit me harder than they used to, the right passage in a book, the right part of a movie where as before i might have gotten a bit blurry eyed now its full on tears. Then again I am such a geek I am crying over fantasy characters making heroic stands against unbeatable enemies, right along side crying over almost lovers forced to choose between saving everyone or having each other.

"That's the problem with being a hero spidey, eventually some sicko comes along and forces you to choose. let die the woman your love...or suffer the little children. Choose Spidey Choose."--The Green Goblin. who fails to realize that in true comic book tradition if a hero acts selflessly and true they can save everyone.

--Serena, Who started crying writing that because she is a massive geek.

Lady Smith · May 02, 2015, 06:05:34 AM

Being free to cry and express a full range of emotions after starting HRT was absolutely pretty darn wonderful for me. I felt like I was living in colour for the first time in my life after previously living a greyscale existence.

Kellam · May 02, 2015, 06:51:35 AM

It has been intense, all of these darn feelings. The best part is that I can now put words to how I feel. In the closet pre hrt I had to ignore so much of my emotional state just to keep from remembering that I am trans. Out of the closet pre hrt was when I was able to start being a bit more emotionally aware, I was able to release my weepy side. But since starting hrt I have found so many reasons and ways to cry. So many different types of crying. Everything seems fuller, richer and more nuanced. This is how I am supposed to feel, this is home.

AndreaLinda · May 02, 2015, 01:24:40 PM

in my case, HRT changed the way I think, feel and react to basically any situation now. and I LOVED IT.
I went from a mad, stress-out guy to a sensitive, reasonable girl

Whoops.

acd_92 · May 03, 2015, 07:07:44 PM

It is so beautiful to read about all of your experiences! I definitely feel so much more okay about crying too, oh my goodness...and yes...things definitely feel so bright and so vivid. It's really incredible, the amount of changes hormones can bring to your emotional states, and the way you experience emotions.

I think the most beautiful thing is being so in touch with my emotions, like, really allowing myself to cry completely, and to have that be okay. There really are no words for it...

awilliams1701 · May 03, 2015, 08:09:29 PM

Ive been slowly changing myself. I have so many more emotions today than a year ago, yet I feel there is a lot that still isn't accessible to me yet.

Rachel · May 03, 2015, 08:10:33 PM

I had started hormones and the dose was 2/3 full dose of E and spiro.

I had been on them for about 4 weeks and my therapist kept asking about emotions and how I was feeling and did I cry easier.

After a while on hormones I started to feel and cry. It was very different than when I had cried pre HRT. Now after a good hard cry I feel better and it helps me to process what is really important.

Wynternight · May 04, 2015, 12:00:05 AM

I relate better to people now and have wanted to reach out and renew old friendships, which I have. I cry far more easily. I had an urge this past Christmas to send out a tonne of cards to people, something I have never done before.

The highs are higher and the lows are lower. The sturm und drang has yet to fade but I hope it does. My mind is still going a million miles a minute. It takes more to get me truly angry but when I do it's pretty intense.

Mariah · May 04, 2015, 12:22:48 AM

Emotionally I was a bit more moody especially early on when I was only on low dose for the first 6 weeks. Then as we have raised the dose and changed the delivery method I have noticed that I express my feelings and feel so much more deeply than before, but as far as crying. I cry, but don't break down into small out crying it's like I will tear up and then as quick as it came it's gone. Sometimes I don't even know why they come it just happens. Overall I'm emotionally stable where as before I couldn't say that. It's not the drastic emotional roller-coaster that sometimes you think is normal for being on HRT because that hasn't happened.
Mariah

katrinaw · May 04, 2015, 12:53:26 AM

Quote from: Lady Smith on May 02, 2015, 06:05:34 AM
Being free to cry and express a full range of emotions after starting HRT was absolutely pretty darn wonderful for me. I felt like I was living in colour for the first time in my life after previously living a greyscale existence.

Cannot agree more, even feeling "I really am female, in the wrong body" did not release the emotions that I have relished since, i love this mini roller coaster... And I cry at anything emotional... Its such a wonderful experience...

L Katy

Eva Marie · May 04, 2015, 01:26:40 AM

In my early days I would suddenly weep for no particular reason and be overly emotional but I have seemed to adjust to my new emotional landscape now and the spontaneous tears have mostly dried up. Now I weep at sad movies and emotional TV shows and such as you would expect, but thats it.

A wildcard in my emotions has been the introduction of progesterone. I cycle it as my endo wants and I never know what it will do to me on each cycle. Some cycles it doesn't seem to have much emotional effect at all, and some cycles it's a never ending, wild emotional roller coaster ride.

I went from having absolutely no emotion other than anger to having the full range of them. It's nice to be able to feel something

michelle82 · May 04, 2015, 08:38:05 AM

Im about 2 months on spiro, and a month on Estrogen injections. I have not really noticed much of a major difference, other than i don't get agitated like i used to, or consumed with rage over stupid things. I always teared up watching movies and things like that if it was emotional, but i haven't noticed a huge difference in crying yet. My life thus far has been pretty stable. i feel like I'm able to analyze my feelings a bit better and vocally explain them to others since coming out and the HRT has helped that a bit as well I feel.

awilliams1701 · May 04, 2015, 09:43:23 AM

Last year I watched Orange Is The New Black pre-HRT. Last night I started watching it again. I've always found stereotypical male behavior disgusting. When I watched it last I noticed how much more alien it was to me and its even more disgusting that I thought it was last time.

It was also a hell of a lot more emotional, but as I stated before, there is a lot of emotion just under the surface that I can't release yet. Its driving me nuts.

Wynternight · May 04, 2015, 10:45:25 AM

Quote from: awilliams1701 on May 04, 2015, 09:43:23 AM
Last year I watched Orange Is The New Black pre-HRT. Last night I started watching it again. I've always found stereotypical male behavior disgusting. When I watched it last I noticed how much more alien it was to me and its even more disgusting that I thought it was last time.

It was also a hell of a lot more emotional, but as I stated before, there is a lot of emotion just under the surface that I can't release yet. Its driving me nuts.

Definitely this. I cannot relate to males and the way they talk and act.

acd_92 · May 05, 2015, 04:47:31 PM

Oh my god, yes. I unfortunately am living with 3 other men and it is so frustrating. They no longer treat me as "one of the guys" - I came out while living with them, but it is so strange to see their interactions and hear their conversations... I've just never really understood them, which should have given me a clue so long ago!

awilliams1701 · May 05, 2015, 07:27:34 PM

I feel like i'm halfway in between gender groups.

Kellam · May 05, 2015, 08:10:56 PM

Quote from: awilliams1701 on May 05, 2015, 07:27:34 PM
I feel like i'm halfway in between gender groups.

This is how I have always felt and transition has just been making that more explicit, more visible to the world around me. It's actually a very comfortable place for me. The fact that I get to wake up and feel more feminine every day is a blessing. I used to feel like I was stuck between genders now I feel like I am in motion to where I belong so being in between is easier to enjoy. I will never go back to male but I may play in the inbetween space for a very long time.

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Emotional effects on HRT (MtF)