How much does the thought of GRS bother you as a surgical procedure

[Plain Jane]

Haven't been on this forum in quite a long time, but I felt the need to come visit again.

I had my GRS back in 1994 at the age of 25 (yes, do the math....). Not quite the surgical stone age it might sound like although I wonder what could have been done today. Fortunately everything was covered by health insurance, so I paid nothing out of pocket.

Yes, there have been some complications and it took a while for everything to settle into place. Mostly for my brain and nerve endings to make the adjustment. And yes, that takes longest of all perhaps. At least for me. But if I had to do it all over again, I would not hesitate a minute. Easily the single best thing that I have ever done.

As for dilating the rest of your life someone mentioned. I do it about once a week, can get by on once every other week. However, once everything is healed (REALLY healed takes more than a few months after surgery in my experience) and the brain is aligned (also not a quick process), dilating is a very pleasurable experience

For me I had intense disphoria with respect to "down below", so not having GRS was simply not an option.

Regards, Plain Jane

[Tysilio]

I share your concerns and sense of adapting as needed and successful.  I spent 33 years in surgical and obstetrical suites providing anesthesia for thousands of surgeries.  Unfortunately i don't have to imagine how serious the complications can be and to also know how resilient we are and how wonderful success and recovery can feel.  Once we do make the decision to proceed we are better off to get in the best of health and go in with a very positive attitude.  Imagine the best outcome and point your headlights in that direction.

Tessa, that's such good advice for us all. It's definitely how I'm approaching top surgery, which is probably 2+ years off for me (could be sooner, but it's a longshot).  A very positive thing for me is that my general health has always been good -- I seem to have a strong immune system, and (touch wood) I don't have any chronic conditions to complicate matters.

My attitude about top surgery is very different. It will make a huge difference in my daily life, in terms of physical comfort and social ease. (And I've resented not being able to go shirtless since I was five, when my mother told me I couldn't anymore, that it was just for boys. Which was dead confusing, since I pretty much thought I was one...) I'll willingly accept the scarring and the risk for the sake of those benefits, along with looking in the mirror and seeing myself looking the way I'm supposed to. 

I wonder if for all of us who want and need surgery, a huge part of it is needing to get rid of the stuff that shows. We're social beings, and while body dysphoria is all too real, at least for me a huge piece of why I'm transitioning is an intense need for other people to see me as I am.

"Measure twice cut once."

Love it!! I've never heard this applied to surgery before, but it's perfect!

[ChiGirl]

I have mixed feelings about GRS.  In a perfect world, yes, I would have it.  But it's not a perfect world.   The concerns of surgery don't bother me as much as the upkeep issues.  Not that I don't think I could do it, but I worry I'd make a mistake and cause a problem.

So right now, it's not on the table.  Plus, my wife doesn't want me to have GRS.  I have a lot of other stuff to do first. [emoji1]

[Alexis79]

For me, the fear is no longer of the grs as it used to be...i am becoming more and more sure it is right for me every day.

The fear i have is of the surgery itself...the anesthesia and going under...the pain...the rehab. Those are what make me afraid...is having to cope with all of that.

I dont know why, but...dilation almost excites me because of the fact that i would finally have the right body to DO that...but maybe i am just strange and anticipating the results, not the dilation itself.

[ainsley]

Mine is less than 4 months away (114 days to be exact) and I have a little fear.  But my trepidation is only (at this time) about recovery.  I have had major surgeries and remember the recovery periods well, but not necessarily fondly.

[KaylaMadison]

For me i have a little fear but mainly just of the unknown. I have had surgery before and been put under but it wasnt anything major and I was in and out in the same day. So for me my fear stems from not knowing how the recovery process or the pain that goes along with it is going to be.

[stephaniec]

I don'[t have any fear of the surgery, the worst case would be just not waking back up. my fear is the recovery and being able to manage the pain and the caring for myself.

[Emileeeee]

I went with a "0-6 think about it a little more than I should , but I'll be all right", but not really because the thought of the surgery bothers me. It's more because of the painful recovery. After the last surgery I had, I swore I'd never go under the knife again, that it was better to suffer than to have to deal with that pain when the block wears off. Nothing stopped it (and I had some really good painkillers) and all I could do was pace until I became so exhausted that I passed out (and a friend stopped me from hitting the floor). The pain was only that bad for a couple days, but even after all these years, my body has not forgotten it. And that wasn't for the most sensitive parts of my body. The pain really does terrify me, but not enough to not do it.

[AnonyMs]

The quality of the result bothers me, and I've never been able to really work out how good it is or the risk of a poor result. Second, I'm still presenting male, and that's not the easiest path.

I'm not really worried about anything else.

[iKate]

Pain is not really an issue for me. I've lived with gout for a number of years and I was in pain almost every day at one point (and that kind of led me down the transition path in a sense)

[Eva]

The thought of having a successful result outweighs my fears of all the potential pain and complications

After recently having full FFS and a brutal recovery I am scared knowing now how long it takes nerves to reconnect for me and how even morphine seems to do little for me to ease my pain I can only hope that reports from those who say SRS was nowhere near as bad as FFS are the case for me...

On the other hand as things move along for me with my transition I want that thing GONE more and more but I have since I first heard it was possible in the late 70's long before any serious thoughts of transition surfaced...

The thought of actually being able to dilate even if initially painful sounds wonderful to me compared to keeping what I have and never really liked 

[stephaniec]

interesting statistical note our pole is a cosine wave

[Lara1969]

After recently having full FFS and a brutal recovery I am scared knowing now how long it takes nerves to reconnect for me and how even morphine seems to do little for me to ease my pain I can only hope that reports from those who say SRS was nowhere near as bad as FFS are the case for me...

After full FFS I stayed one day at the hospital and only needed a light painkiller for a few days.

After grs the pain was horrible. It was unbelievable. But I would do it again.But I had a very complex method, all nerve connection were saved and I heard penile inversion is not nearly as painful. Dilation with the 4cm thick dilator was also horrible in the beginning. But I was really worth it.

[Eva]

After full FFS I stayed one day at the hospital and only needed a light painkiller for a few days.

After grs the pain was horrible. It was unbelievable. But I would do it again.But I had a very complex method, all nerve connection were saved and I heard penile inversion is not nearly as painful. Dilation with the 4cm thick dilator was also horrible in the beginning. But I was really worth it.

Well since your FFS sounds like a cake walk compared to mine and your SRS brutal I can only hope the opposite is true for me

Of course I know it could be a nightmare and even worse than FFS as well for a while but its gotta be done...

[Obfuskatie]

I'm not exactly counting the days, but I do want SRS. It'd be nice to be "done" transitioning, at least legally. I just have a lot more priorities in my life right now, like grad school and my rent going up $400 next month. God I need to find a new place...

Don't let anyone decide for you whether you will and how much surgery you'll get.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stephaniec]

I'm not exactly counting the days, but I do want SRS. It'd be nice to be "done" transitioning, at least legally. I just have a lot more priorities in my life right now, like grad school and my rent going up $400 next month. God I need to find a new place...

Don't let anyone decide for you whether you will and how much surgery you'll get.


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

that's a chunk of a rent raise.

[enigmaticrorschach]

i have thought about this constantly. sometimes i dont want it, and sometimes i think its for the best. all i can say is when the time comes, i'll make my choose and stick with it

[stephaniec]

the time came for me when I got Medicare from a disability and my therapist said here's your chance if you want it. Things have moved rapidly since getting Medicare and having a doctor that excepts it.

[acd_92]

It's been so wonderful reading all of your thoughts on the matter.

As of right now, I think my dysphoria is more related to my upper body. Like, right now I can't even use breast forms because it just worsens the dysphoria and reminds me further that I don't have what I want in my upper body yet. My feelings might change once I'm further into HRT, but right now I'm just enjoying the ride of it...and it is quite a ride. It is something that I do think I want in my conceivable future, but as of right now it's not at the forefront of my mind. Starting HRT was a huge thing for me, and I think I'm just going to see how things go for a little while before I look at GRS. Plus, I'm thinking that by then, the surgical methods, and therefore recovery, will be even a little better.

That said, as a surgical procedure GRS doesn't really bother me that much. I've had a number of surgeries throughout my childhood. It's the recovery that I'm most antsy about. But what I've noticed, too, is a common thread through all of your stories and sharing, that you would do it again, that it was worth it... and I have a feeling that I'll be on that train soon enough. I do think it would be worth it to feel completely whole. But I am okay enough with where I am right now, assuming that HRT goes well after a few years and that it continues to alleviate my dysphoria.

[Obfuskatie]

that's a chunk of a rent raise.

Yeah, stupid startups & Silicon Valley are inflating rent all over the SF Bay Area.[emoji24]

... Starting HRT was a huge thing for me, and I think I'm just going to see how things go for a little while before I look at GRS. Plus, I'm thinking that by then, the surgical methods, and therefore recovery, will be even a little better...
... But what I've noticed, too, is a common thread through all of your stories and sharing, that you would do it again, that it was worth it... and I have a feeling that I'll be on that train soon enough. I do think it would be worth it to feel completely whole. But I am okay enough with where I am right now, assuming that HRT goes well after a few years and that it continues to alleviate my dysphoria.

The current version of SRS for transwomen is almost wizardry. I'd highly recommend not waiting for a new method as it could take anywhere between a few years to decades. Just wait until you can afford it and are ready and use the best method available. I waited years to transition because I wanted a better method, and 9 years of closet time took a huge toll. Had I known how much better HRT alone would make me feel, I'd have made a different choice.
Instead of thinking about what you'd be okay with, what would make you happy? Once you know the steps you need to take to be happy, the choices are a lot easier to make. I've only heard about buyers remorse from a very low percentage of people who get SRS. Post surgery depression is pretty common if you've dedicated your life to transition, finish and think, "Now what?" Or something similar. Not everyone gets FFS, but I guarantee it changed my life more than my SRS will in the nebulous future.
     Hugs,
- Katie
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