Referring to yourself before... and after...

[Metanoia]

When talking about the old you (or the current you in my case...) with other people, do you refer to yourself as your current name/gender or previous name/gender? How do other people refer to the 'old you'?

For example -

"When Joseph was younger, he played baseball, but now Josephine prefers softball. She's really good at it."

OR

"When Josephine was younger, she played baseball, but now Josephine prefers softball. She's really good at it."

OR

"When Josephine was still Joseph, he played baseball. Now Josephine prefers softball, and she's really good at it."

OR....

[Nicole]

For me it's always been Nicole, I haven't used my old gender pronouns since day dot.

Sort of on the same sort of topic.
It bugs me a little when I see people say "I got to be "Susan" today" or something along those lines, it's like they're referring to theirselves in a 4th person.

[KylieW]

For me it's always been Nicole, I haven't used my old gender pronouns since day dot.

Sort of on the same sort of topic.
It bugs me a little when I see people say "I got to be "Susan" today" or something along those lines, it's like they're referring to theirselves in a 4th person.

While I haven't been able to even begin transitioning because of my situation, I can actually understand this line of reasoning. Personally, I feel like I'm almost a split personality. I have "him", which I show to the world and "her" who I want to be. Maybe it's my own kind of coping mechanism, but I can easily see why someone would say I got to be "her" today.

Although, personally, when I can finally transition... I guess I'll just keep referring to myself as well... me. So, I guess to answer the OP's question it would be "Before Joseph transitioned he... now she...." I'm not ashamed of who I am. While I don't have a desire to walk up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Trans" I don't feel the need to go stealth, either. If it ever comes up, sure I'll admit it. Otherwise, who cares? I yam what I yam.

[amber roskamp]

I honestly say when I was a child instead of boy/girl.  I refer to myself with neutral terms, and never with my old or new name even. I feel weird referring too myself in that perspective.

"amber played sports her whole life until she graduated, then she decides that illegal drug use was the way to go..."

that is a bad joke/example, but ne ways that's not the way I talk.

[Mariah]

Generally I refer to myself regardless of present or past as Mariah. However, there are few cases where the past and present are in the same sentence and it just doesn't make since if I use my name in both sports and as such then I use the old one in the appropriate slot.
Mariah

[marsh monster]

Other people use my legal name as it is now when talking about something about me from the past. 

Me, I usually don't talk about the past unless someone else brings it up and then I try to steer away from it.

[WildThing]

I just say when "I" was younger. Samantha doesn't like referring to herself in the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th persons.

[Metanoia]

I didn't necessarily intend to have it come out in such a 3rd person way - I would assume most, if not all of us don't usually talk about ourselves in the 3rd person - it was more of a question of indirect conversation. A conversation about you, not necessarily from you... I should have qualified it as, When someone is having a conversation about you, what would you prefer to hear/have said?

Thank you all, who have responded so far... Everything I read is truly enlightening, and this further brightens my path

[Lady Smith]

At first I drove myself nuts over trying to compartmentalise my life into 'before' and 'after', but now it's just all me. 'Yeah sure, my Dad taught me how to weld......', and I don't try to explain anything anymore.

[jess_oz]

I never really gave it much relevance before. For me it has always been Jessica online and my male birth name in real life still presenting as male apart from when at home.

It became totally relevant last week when my psychologist, whom I have been seeing for a few years for anxiety and depression suddenly said "so what do I call you?" after I was forced to tell him that I am transgender, something I have never told him before.

I didn't know what to say or how to answer such a question given that I have never been in this situation before in my whole life. To cut a long story short, something happened that forced me in to hospital for a few days and with all the medication that they were giving me, I had to out myself and tell the doctors about my HRT so a) not to conflict with anything they were giving me, and b) so they would give me my HRT because I was not at home where mine was.

Now this question is coming up all the time because it is now all on record and I still don't know how to deal with it. Since hospital, my two counsellors now know, my psychologist and my psychiatrist and now my GP.

It still stumps me everytime it is asked and my default answer has just been, "I am me, you call me the same as you always have". I would so love to be called "jessica" but can't bring myself to hearing others call me by that while still presenting as male.

It just sounds too weird.

[Ms Grace]

I don't tend to bring gender into my discussions of my past. I do feel though that the audience will fill in their own gaps based on how long they've known me. If I talk to my mother about something from my past I know she is remembering me as male. If I do the same with people who have only known me for a year or two they're probably imagining me as a girl I speak about my childhood. Depending on who I'm talking to I leave certain details out, like the fact I went to a boy's school...

[Rina]

I refer to myself as female from birth, and I never refer to my old name. If newly acquainted people ask about my old name, I tell them I no longer refer to myself with that name, even in past tense. They only need to know my current name.

I've also asked my parents to refer to me as female also as a child, and they have agreed, especially since in the future it could out me to people who don't know; I will not attempt stealth, but it should be up to me to decide if and when I tell people. My huge extended family (more than 50 first cousins) will be less easy to "control", but if I let someone meet them, it's probably a future partner and then he or she would already know, since I would not enter a relationship with someone who didn't.

[iKate]

When comparing then to now with regard to gender it's third person. "Him" primarily.

When talking about other stuff I use neutral pronouns.

[Kellam]

I'm in the gender neutral reference camp.

"When I was a kid I was in the Scouts. I didn't fit in with the boys but I did enjoy camping and hiking."

I have always just left it ambiguous. When I figured out that if I refer to myself in the feminine around others it helps acclimate them to my new pronoun preference I was stymied a bit. I had to start gendering my own language so much more. But in the past I was this person people assumed was a boy and I won't hide that either. In a way I do think of "him" as this other person that I portrayed for a while so it is ok when other people talk about him. So long as it is in the past tense.