Advice greatly appreciated

[Abby Claire]

It seems I only come around here when I need advice or in some sort of dilemma, but I'm at a loss and my anxiety has been horrible lately.

Basically, I'm trying to go full time, but without a job. What do I do? I don't think I quite pass yet, mostly because my voice is nowhere near where I'm trying to get it. My therapist suggested going to interviews dressed, but I'm worried because my voice isn't passable yet.

So right now I'm just kind of in limbo, working on my voice and going out but not really doing anything. It's like I'm waiting for something, but I don't know exactly what. I want/need a new job, but I fear my anxiety is so high that any interview I do I will not come across well.

So is it better to work on making myself passable for the next few weeks or should I just (wo)man up and go look for jobs as a woman? Where would be a good place to apply?

[KristinaM]

You could always try applying for jobs you DON'T want as a woman, just to get the interview experience and jitters out of the way.  Build your confidence up through these test interviews before going into one that you actually want. 

[Eveline]

Abby, I've seen conflicting advice on this in several threads.

Do you have a long job history that would be important to landing your next job? Or are you very early in your career and it might not matter much?

[katiej]

Would you be more comfortable and relaxed as Abby?  All job interviews cause a certain amount of anxiety, but if being in guy mode adds more stress, you may be better off just going for it as yourself.  I'm actually in the same position as you right now, and have just about decided to make the switch at a new job.

Also, your voice/presentation may not be as bad as you think.  I doubt your therapist would throw you to the wolves if you really weren't ready yet.  We as transwomen tend to be hyper critical of ourselves.  Have you had objective assessments? 

And yes, keep working on your voice.  IMHO speech patterns and inflections are way more important than pitch.  Like this:

[Abby Claire]

Abby, I've seen conflicting advice on this in several threads.

Do you have a long job history that would be important to landing your next job? Or are you very early in your career and it might not matter much?

No long job history. College degree, but I'm not wanting anything involving a big commitment as far as my next job considering I'm at a crossroads in my life. I was wanting to wait tables again, but the anxiety makes me worry that may be a bad idea for someone like me. I have no idea.

[Mariah]

Abby as much your current situation is frustrating and can be difficult it could be a huge opportunity for you. Many strive to move forward but can't because the jobs they are in just don't allow for it. This could be your chance to interview and work as Abby if that is what you would like to do. Your happiness will show through and will help carry on during your search. The key is focus on your happiness with what you can do. I can under money may make it difficult, but follow your heart because their is where your happiness as much your situation will allow. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Katie]

Your therapist gives you advice and you reject it. You then go and ask advice from NON PROFESSIONAL people..............

[Eveline]

No long job history. College degree, but I'm not wanting anything involving a big commitment as far as my next job considering I'm at a crossroads in my life. I was wanting to wait tables again, but the anxiety makes me worry that may be a bad idea for someone like me. I have no idea.

Abby, it seems like you can go into an interview using your new name without any awkwardness around job references. Not having a job history is plausible if your degree is recent.

Where are you with your name change legally?

[Dee Marshall]

Think of it this way, in any job you're eventually going to want to be yourself. Better to start that way than to get a job you like and have it snatched away because your new boss is a bigot.

[Abby Claire]

Your therapist gives you advice and you reject it. You then go and ask advice from NON PROFESSIONAL people..............

To be fair, I never said I rejected her advice, but had general concerns that I thought could be better addressed by actual trans people who have gone through this sort of thing.

Abby, it seems like you can go into an interview using your new name without any awkwardness around job references. Not having a job history is plausible if your degree is recent.

Where are you with your name change legally?

I have a job history and my degree isn't recent enough. I'm looking into changing my name soon.

[LordKAT]

You may find it will be easier as a woman in an interview if you dress the part and do some volunteer work first. Places that want/need volunteers are less particular when they aren't actually cutting a check and it looks good on a resume. Meanwhile, you are getting to know people who can even give you references for the job interviews you do actually want to get through.

[AshleyP]

You may find it will be easier as a woman in an interview if you dress the part and do some volunteer work first. Places that want/need volunteers are less particular when they aren't actually cutting a check and it looks good on a resume. Meanwhile, you are getting to know people who can even give you references for the job interviews you do actually want to get through.

I know this thread is a little old, but I just came across it and wanted to say that I think that's an excellent suggestion, KAT. Before I retired, I put a lot of credence in the character of an applicant when they had a history of doing volunteer work. It's also a definite plus to be able to use the work and interview experience to gain confidence in your transition.

As a side note, I think voice training is hard. I've worked on it regularly for months and only occasionally nail it. YMMV, of course.

-AshleyP

[.Christy]

Hi abby have you looked into the services your local gender clinic offers?

Some gender clinics that specializes in trans and lgbt care have a social department that can connect you with lgbt friendly employers.