Working While In The Closet

[synesthetic]

I'm sure several trans people have talked about this before... but I'm going to anyways

Since my family could always use extra money (literally we're desperate for cash at this point), I've been thinking more and more about getting a job. I know that some companies will give you a nametag with your preferred name in a heartbeat, and they'll always try and use the correct pronouns. Which is awesome, don't get me wrong! But it's kind of... useless in my situation.

I'm in the closet to everyone, and there's no way that I could pass. Not without a binder, not with feminine facial features and a 100% female birthname.

I do plan on coming out sometime soon (if I can build up the nerve) but at the moment my parents are stressed enough as it is, they don't need the extra weight of their kid being transgender, anxious, and full of dysphoria. So for now they have no idea that I'm trans.

Here's the big problem: I cringe every time a family member refers to me as "she" or uses my birthname. I don't know if I could handle hours of that from complete strangers, multiple times a week. My social dysphoria is one of the most difficult aspects to handle, and I'm not sure that I could stay sane if I had to deal with even more misgendering. But I just... I need a job pretty badly. I don't want to dive into it too much, but my family's financial situation is pretty bad.

So... I don't know if it's better at this point for me to be extremely dysphoric but have money, or broke but have significantly less dysphoria.

I don't even know how much sense I'm making, I'm just rambling at this point. Gahhhh

[amber roskamp]

Ur in a similar position I was in. I needed the money didn't even begin my transition yet but knew I was trans. It was really hard at first especially. I'm not saying it's easy now, but it has definitely gotten easier. Those weeks where you work 50 plus hours and get misgendered the whole time is hard. I had nightmares where I was getting misgendered by every one. The thing that keeps me there is that I can't transition without it. I am now 5 months on hrt today actually. I have only had minimal changes, but they will start happening and I'm gonna be forced to come out soon so that is a thing.

So basically I am saying I know ur pain, and u know what is best for you better then I do so do what you need to do.  No option is perfect, just hang in there.

*hugs*

[Valwen]

I work at a supermarket deli cutting meats, I probebly get sir,ed 20+ times an hour, that plus name and other gendering makes each day very difficult. I expect despite being there for like 6 years I expect to be fired once I transition, our have to quit from dealing with customers.

So ya it sucks but it can be done atleast for a while.