hip dysphoria and puberty blockers when past puberty...

[Retina]

My endo and I agreed I would start hormone blockers and before the next shot which is a few months before my 15th birthday I'd start T.

Well, I'm getting the lupron shot in approx. a few days but it seems completely pointless to get blockers if I'm 14.

Apparently my bone age is older than it's supposed to be and while everyone keeps telling me I'll get taller I really doubt that because I have not grown more than 2 inches in the last few years. I hate saying my height but I was 4'11" in 2013 and am currently 5'1". I've always had problems with malnutrition (bowel problems and vitamin deficiencies) though so I guess that could cause my unusually short height even though my family is full of tall people. My bone age was 17 last time I got it checked which was last year.

What's more bothersome is that as of the past few weeks I've felt my hip bones become more prominent and it's REALLY making me uncomfortable. Like, I am probably the least curvy person because of my weight and when I look in the mirror I don't see prominent hips but I can feel it. I can feel my bones poking out from the front and side so if I touch a little above my leg there's a raised area where the bones are poking out. There are obvious differences between bio male and bio female hips and it feels like my hips are very obviously that of a female's. A not-quite-masculine body is awful for someone who is trying to go stealth. I'm really unsure if it's because somehow weight shifted away from my hip bones or because my hips are getting wider.

If there's any chance my hips are still growing will lupron + T help? Will my hips become at least slightly more masculine? I know if my bones are almost completely done growing it won't make a difference but I'd like to have at least some hope.

I guess my fear of feminine bone structure is because of the countless people who joke to me about how they can supposedly spot trans people because of the differences in height and body shape. Are there even any cis guys with hips considered feminine/hips that are wide? Either way someone someday is going to comment about how wide my hips are because even if I lose the fat on my hips there's going to be that rather obvious difference in bone structure.

I wanted to be that happy trans kid who had little to no dysphoria like my forgotten 11 years old self that would last into adulthood but I guess I learned the hard way that life just isn't fair and I'm no different from people who are transitioning in their late teens or 20s I.e. I feel the pain associated with wishing I were able to transition earlier.

Also are there any benefits besides the stopping of the menstrual cycle and breast tissue softening when starting hormone blockers at such a late age? I'm not thinking of avoiding blockers but I want to know how much I should expect.

[Felix]

I don't want to be cynical, but I'm sure you understand that lots of people aren't able to get access to medical transition until many years after puberty.

I don't know what your body is going to do.

My bones get broken easily and the sports medicine surgeon I use says my bone tends to be really gooey and slow to heal. I have a very wide pelvis, which developed in my teens and is just something I live with. I like the shape of my hips even though they are way wider than those of a normal man. I like to put my hands on the edges of my pelvis and I can't imagine not having what I have. It's just what it is.

All the female-attracted people I've slept with have made comments about how lots of (cis) guys have feminine hips. Like apparently typical males frequently have the "wrong" shape for their gender and that's not seen as weird at all.

I don't know what city you live in, but local culture will dramatically affect how you are treated. I live in a medium-sized city that is politically progressive and locals tend to be able to clock me because they have experience with trans people. That is both good and bad for me, and the way people are where you are is probably also a mixed situation.