So apparently my mom had a plan?

[acd_92]

So...my cousin overheard her mom talking with my mom in what was supposed to be a secret conversation. My mom, apparently, has been acting supportive in hopes that she could get close enough to me to convince me to stop transitioning and be a boy. She discovered that I started HRT (before I could tell her I started) and is pulling me off of her insurance. And she was planning to try conversion therapies with me; apparently she was telling my aunt about them and had already looked up a few in the area.

So much makes sense now. Why she didn't want me to grow out my hair. Why she wanted me to dress "androgynously". Why she cringed every time she saw me in something "too feminine". Why she hated me in makeup. Her support was so incredibly conditional and now I understand why.

So I really can't safely be around her. This just...I don't even know, I'm fumbling for words and I just need some support right now.

My next steps are to look for a trans-friendly insurance and maybe find a support group to check out?

This essentially means I have no parental support; my dad is violently transphobic and now my mom...

I just feel so incredibly shocked and numb at the same time. She was misgendering me on the phone and calling me by my birth name.

[Laura_7]

have a *hug*

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
You might look up a leaflet called doh-transgender-experiences.pdf .
It specifically states for trans people, their families and healthcare staff.
It states being tg has biological reasons. It is not a phase, picked up from the internet or something else.
The british NHS is a very reputable source.

Another resource is
acceptingdad dot com/2013/08/05/to-the-unicorns-dad/
This is emotional stuff... if you feel like it call one of the helplines...

(Yet I don't like some of the comments, they talk about hurdles instead of the relief and that many people have made a successful transition and simply feel better. And many people say especially the younger generation is more accepting. )


You might look for a counselor, a good gender therapist, saying at home you want counseling for emotional reasons.
You might look for someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list.
A gender therapist could help you along and help explaining. If they are not supportive look for another.
If its connected with depression or emotional issues it might be covered.

A trans friendly insurance and support groups are a good idea imo.

If you want to talk to someone in person, you could call here for example:
glbthotline dot org/hotline.html
they also have a chat

translifeline dot org


have a few *hugs*

[Mariah]

I dislike when that happens and someones colors turn out to be different than what they are letting on. I have an Aunt who is that way. At least you found out sooner than later. Sorry that she isn't truly supportive, but her trying to get close could still be a chance to prove to her that this is real and isn't going away. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Tessa James]

Wow that is harsh and a real trust buster too.  So sorry to hear what you are going thru.  I think you are smart to consider some distance until which time they can demonstrate greater respect for you.

Especially if you are feeling unsafe it seems time to bail on that bunch even if temporarily.

Yes a realtime support group or accepting friend seem like where to go.  Until you are there please know we care about you and have your back.

[CarlyMcx]

You did not say what country or state you live in.  If you are in the U.S., "transgender friendly insurance" means an Obamacare compliant insurance plan.

Normally you can only enroll in an Obamacare plan in November with coverage to start in January, but there are some exceptions, such as having lost your existing coverage through circumstances beyond your control.  Having been forcibly removed from your parents' policy probably qualifies, but you should check with your state insurance exchange by going to their website.

I am sorry about your parents.  But, FWIW, for my entire teen and adult life I deeply suppressed my "feminine side" and tried my hardest to be everything my father wanted me to be, and it really did not matter.  I still did not have my parents' love and could never trust them.  (Long story).

Now that my parents are very old and no longer healthy, and can no longer meddle in my business, I can make some kind of transition.  I make sure they are taken care of, but I keep some distance between them and myself.  Dad got in my head and "owned" me for too long.  What's left of my life is for me, not for my parents.

Do what you have to do to be yourself and protect yourself.

[Anastazja]

Sending you all of my positive energy and love sweetie.  That is such terrible news and I am sincerely sorry to hear that someone so important to you is not at all the person who you had hoped they were.  It may not seem like it right now, but I think this might be a blessing in disguise; finding out now allows you to do a little bit of damage control and limit how much she can affect you from here forward.  Could you imagine being farther along and then finding out?  That is something that could seriously compromise your transition.  Now at least you know that you were about to allow in a Trojan horse and you can stop it.  Still, it breaks my heart all the same. 

Getting dropped from insurance definitely sucks; I do know that HRT meds can be had generically for a reasonable price from places like Walmart.  Don't fret love; this is just a moment in time and it will pass soon enough. 

-Ana