The Stare

[J.T.]

I asked at Gender Odyssey today how people deal with "The Stare".  You know what I'm talking about.  Do you just ignore it?  That is what I've been trying to do but it really gets old.  Some of the responses were pretty cool.

So I was wondering, what do YOU do when you get "The Stare"?

[cindianna_jones]

If you act scared, you get it worse.

I've found the best defense is a good offense.  I've found that talking to people.... any people... makes you look like you fit in. If you are alone, there must be some reason in addition to any visual clues. And guess what, you get to meet many wonderful souls along the way.  Feel uncomfortable? Strike up a conversation with somebody near you!

Cindi

[Alison]

people stare for lots of reasons... I get stared at a lot too.. I'm heavy.. I have a large chest... maybe I have food hanging out of my teeth.. I dunno LOL

Usually I nod, or smile .. and they usually look away...

[Tay]

I get stared at a lot.  I don't come across as male or female and it makes people watch me to get an idea of what I am. 

My answer, when I catch people staring, and smiling or attempting to stare them down to point out that they are staring doesn't work?

"Take a picture.  It lasts longer."

Cliché?  Yes.  But 9/10, they look away and I can move on.  Heck, most of the time, staring back makes them look away.

[buttercup]

I'm just like you Tay, I get stared at alot too!    People are always trying to suss me out and it can be quite annoying and distracting.  I'm afraid I'm too scared to stare back, I just look away and get on with whatever I'm doing, if they continue to stare, then I might look in their direction and they will look away. 

[Judge Yourself]

I've always had the 'stare' and its not really been recent. I think some people tend to get it regardless as well as the 'im trying to figure you out' stare....

[Jay]

I think some people tend to get it regardless as well as the 'im trying to figure you out' stare....

I agree, I have had the stare a few times. But to be honest it doesn't really bother me in the slightest!

[Manyfaces]

I'm a bit wicked, I suppose, but I actually sometimes enjoy watching people's discomfiture as they try to figure me out.  I think the best thing to do with someone who's staring at you is to look directly back at them and give them a big friendly smile.  Usually, that quite disarms them, and they will either look away quickly and pretend they weren't staring at you, or smile back.  Either way, problem solved.

[Shana A]

I've gotten the stare more than a few times, it goes with the territory. Sometimes I smile back, then they usually look away. Depending on my mood, I might curtsy  >

Zythyra

[Kate]

Heck, most of the time, staring back makes them look away.

LOL, well my wife and I were picking up fast food in a drive-through, and a worker was taking his break outside... and just STARED at us while on his cell phone. I'd look back every few seconds, and he'd STILL be staring, so I figured hey... I'll stare him down.

All that did was make him lock on to me specifically, and he would not look away.

After I told a TS friend about it, she laughed at me and basically said, "You IDIOT, he wasn't staring because he couldn't figure you out, he was staring at the two girls in the car... and all you ended up doing by staring back was flirt with him, lol..."

I have SO much to learn

I get curious looks now and then, though I got those before transitioning too, lol... so who knows? I usually just glance back at them and they look away. But people do just tend to look around when lost in thought, so I think I read more into it usually than is really there.

~Kate~

[LostInTime]

When I attempted to live as male, I was pretty intimidating so I was used to being stared at from time to time. However, that has actually gone away with transition. I found out that when I get stared at now it is not necessarily because I have been clocked but because of how tall I am and my hair.

[Ms Bev]

My answer, when I catch people staring

"Take a picture.  It lasts longer."

Watch out, they may point a cell phone at you and do just that   

Bev

Posted on: September 04, 2007, 11:28:00 AMI can only remember once or twice that I was stared at a while ago ago.  After a long enough time, I gave them 'the what do you want?' questioning look, and that turned them away immediately. 

Otherwise, Marcy and I together get stared at frequently.  We show affection openly, and don't worry about what people think.

Bev

[Tay]

My answer, when I catch people staring

"Take a picture.  It lasts longer."

Watch out, they may point a cell phone at you and do just that   

It happens.  Well, so far it hasn't.  But if it does, chances are good they'll get a decent photo of me giving them the one finger salute.

I'll admit it.  I'm confrontational.

[RebeccaFog]

   Nobody has ever stared at me.  I just assume that once their eyes even barely skim over me that my hideous countenance causes a searing pain which prevents further lingering of the eyes.


  Ha Ha, Kate's a flirt!!  I think that story was great!

[Lisbeth]

"Take a picture.  It lasts longer."

How about pulling out a camara and taking their picture?

[SarahFaceDoom]

The stare?  I don't think I've ever gotten it.  I think you have to be like....worth looking at to get the stare.  And I'm pretty unremarkable.

[Kate]

Ha Ha, Kate's a flirt!!

Oh my, you have NO idea. If I ever get comfortable with this... and truly believe people are looking at a girl, and not "the guy in the dress..."

I am going to be downright *evil*. I was BORN to tease

And I have a LOT of catching up to do, lol...

~Kate~

[Melissa]

For the most part, I've only had guys stare at me.  Every so often a woman will, but it's not like I really care.  If I wasn't confident in myself, I might feel uneasy, but that doesn't happen.

[LynnER]

KK, by the stare you meen the "Look" right?

I havnt gotten the look in a very long time...  back when it happened Id either stare back, or smile and wave and make like I was going to go talk to them, huge smile on my face... They would normaly make a hasty retreat...

Now I get stared at... Im tall, blonde, and good looking...  Sometimes Ill walk into an establishment and cause all the guys and a few girls to get whiplash... <Boots, mini, and corsett> Or my favriote one...  Guys talking to your chest...  Due to my compairtive height I get smart comments back when I point out where my face is.. "Yeah... but it hurts my neck to look that high" or some other excuse....

Confidence is the key...  people are looking for a reason to distrust or attack <both figuritively and realisticly speaking>  Show them a confident attitude and they generaly back off....

[Elizabeth]

I don't get stared at all that often, at least not that I notice. When it does happen I usually just ignore it, but if it's really making me uncomfortable, I will just publically embarrass them, usually by asking really loud if they know me. If they have a problem with me, the last thing they are going to want is to be associated with me. They almost always nod that they don't and look away. It cracks me up. Most people hate to get caught starring.

Love always,
Elizabeth