Am i transsexual?

[KellBelle14]

Ok, so im 14 and I've recently had horrible thoughts. I just came out of denial and i really want to be a female. I feel like I've wanted to be a female for years but i have locked up those thoughts and sent them away years ago. I was too afraid to tell my parents. I was crying for no reason and i think that may have been depression when i was little. I have had very severe anxiety and add. I can't really bear to look at a woman without wanting to burst into tears because i want to be them so bad.

It's not hormones because i always did feel a little different, played girl characters in online role play games. Im depressed a lot of the time.

I want to be referred to as a girl and i want the female pronouns i feel like i was born into the wrong body, i feel trapped like i can never escape. EVER.

I sometimes just want this to be over because its just too saddening.

I don't know what to do anymore.

This is getting way too much for me to bear anymore
its getting too hard i feel as each day goes on i feel
even more female inside and the more that happens the more
trapped i feel.

[stephaniec]

It's sounds like you could use a talk with a gender therapist to get a hold of your feelings.

[KellBelle14]

I can't yet.

[Mariah]

Hi KellBelle14, welcome to Susan's. I'm no doctor or therapist, but it sounds like you are. Still that is where they come in and help you figure that out. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

[stephaniec]

I can't yet.

if you can share , what's the reason you can't

[KellBelle14]

i don't really wanna share but i will go when i get the chance

[Mariah]

Never feel like you have answer anything your not ncomfortable sharing okay. If and when your ready to we would love to hear, but only when your ready. Good luck and hugs
Mariah

i don't really wanna share but i will go when i get the chance

[Laura_7]

First, have a *hug* and a *kiss* (on the cheeks)

try to calm down... in any kind of situation... take a few deep breaths...

here are a few resources that might help you... just take your time:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885


Please reach out...
You should think about talking to a counselor... preferably a gender therapist...
you might say at home you want counseling, either for gender or for emotional purposes, and pick someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list...
they could help you along the way and help explaining... if they are not supportive look for another...
if its connected with emotional issues or depression it might be covered...


and you could call at plannedparenthood or the next lgbt center near you and ask for some counseling...
or you could ask a school counselor you trust for a referral...
there might even be support groups...
or there might be a gsa at school, with transgender members...

if you want to talk to someone in person, you can call or chat with one of the numbers in the link, or for example here:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/


take the time you need but keep at it... this all is a process... and try to have some fun along the way...
just remember there are many others who have successfully gone through this process...

and keep coming here and asking questions


*hugs*

[KellBelle14]

awwww thank you

[stephaniec]

i don't really wanna share but i will go when i get the chance

Well, I'm going to be blunt, but please don't take what I'm going to say as anything other than just trying to help. I've been transgender for all my life and that is 63 years. Being trans can be quite difficult thing to get a grasp on especially for someone as young as you are. I remember exactly what I went through when I was your age, socially , physically , mentally etc. I had a hard time not understanding what was wrong with me , why I thought about being a woman and the intensity of that experience. I couldn't get the help I needed because I had no clue as to how to reach out and also I was so very embarrassed by what I was thinking. I got to therapy when I was in college , but the problem was I was still too afraid to talk about these feelings of being a woman. At that time I was dealing with a lot of issues that needed guidance , so the transgender part got put on the back burner . I wish I would of been able to deal with this issue back when I was your age, it would of saved me a lot of pain. I didn't start HRT until 19 months ago. I lived a lot of years in depression which if I would of been able to get the proper help when I was younger would of saved me a lot of grief. I hope you can some how get to see a therapist because they are able to help organize your thoughts and guide with their knowledge . Keep asking away there's a lot of experience on Susan's we've all gone and are going through these things things.

[KellBelle14]

I really feel as if hormones would help a lot, when i think about getting them it puts my mind at ease. So im thinking thats a good plan of action when i get the chance?

[stephaniec]

I can only dream how much different my life would of been with the proper hormones. good luck

[KellBelle14]

I probably can start hormones and blockers around 18-20.
That still sucks. I want them like now. But i don't have control over the situation.

[iKate]

I think you may be able to go on blockers now. Estrogen can come later on at age 18 or maybe even 16? You can also start transition socially.

That is of course dependent on your parents. You should decide whether you want to tell them. Are they religious? Hostile towards LGBT? It may not be good to come out to hostile parents who may proceed to abuse you. On the other hand if you have accommodating parents, teenage transition can result in a really good result.

Good luck. I hope you can find your peace.

[stephaniec]

I probably can start hormones and blockers around 18-20.
That still sucks. I want them like now. But i don't have control over the situation.

it's tough being your age and going through this kind of issue because of its intensity. I know I went through hell , but couldn't do anything about it.

[Laura_7]

I really feel as if hormones would help a lot, when i think about getting them it puts my mind at ease. So im thinking thats a good plan of action when i get the chance?

Sounds like a plan

You might look up a brochure for the british NHS called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.

It states that being tg has biological connections, to do with development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, neither the tg persons nor their parents etc.

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best... you might think about showing...
just consider possible reactions...

another alternative would be to ask for a therapist... for emotional or gender reasons... as said they could help you along...

yet another would be to talk to a school counselor you trust...


and please remember to reach out... if you feel like it call or chat on one of the helplines like trevorproject...


*hugs*

[KellBelle14]

Ugh help, I have ocd and these thoughts containing I'm not a girl cross my mind sometimes and they really stress me out because I know I am female inside what do I do ?

[Dena]

When I went through this, I knew there was no money, the nearest care was about 2000 miles away, this type of information wasn't available and society treated us more like a side show. I forced myself to remain silent until age 23 when it could no longer be contained. The end result was I went from child one day to adult the next and lost many years of normal growing up. The years of pain were something I still remember clearly today. My best advice is to think about telling your parents and see if they can get you in treatment because things are not going to get any better if you leave them alone. They will only get worst.

We all have our internal feeling dragging us one way and society dragging us the other way. Many times I thought I was a male but my internal feelings said otherwise. CIS don't have this issue at all and that's why they are different and why we need to get treatment as soon as possible.

If you think your parents are receptive, they are welcome to come here and talk. We understand how hard this will be to accept and will help in any way possible.

[Jacqueline]

Dena makes some great points. For right now?

There are times when distraction is a good choice.

Not something that will send you circling back into the repetitive negatives.

I often over think things or am very self critical. The challenge is to get out of that mode. Instead of letting the negative of "I'm not a girl" take over, think what the girl is interested in. What is your/her favorite music, books, games, poetry, movie, ice cream? What does she think of the thought "I'm not a girl". How could she refute that(but not if that ramps up and argument within).

Try, whatever your situation, to just say okay I'm a girl. Don't listen to any other internal or external argument. What does that mean. If you embrace the idea, her and yourself, do you feel or act differently? Even if you can't take hormones yet, does accepting that idea release anything?

I don't have proof of this. However, I am pretty sure that most folks here have that negative voice inside that delivers a line like that to them from time to time. I know I do. Yet, like you, I am confidant that I am a woman. See, even as I typed that, there was some part of my being that argued with me. I am not listening to that right now. I am more interested in hoping you can find something else to think about. Even if it's My Little Pony.

2-4 years is a long time to wait for something that feels like necessity. However, hang in there. Breathe, relax and reach out as you need to. Try to see a therapist when you can. Who knows, maybe you won't have to wait so long. Know you are not alone. Is there a safe friend or relative you could talk to about this, face to face? Sometimes proximity and touch (a hug) can make a world of difference. The family you have found here is often around to talk. Many of us have been through multiple versions of what you are experiencing. I am not aware that any of us are medical professions so we can't give absolute answers; just what we have experienced, what worked or didn't for us and occasionally what research we have done.

I am on the east coast USA and need to get up in the morning. I will need to go to sleep soon. I don't know if that helped at all. I wish you luck and love and a great life.

With loving thoughts,

Joanna

[KellBelle14]

I start to act like a girl if I accept it but my friends already suspected that I'm transsexual