A strange new experience - a man hit on me today

[Joules]

I spent the first 60 years of my life believing (or trying to believe? ) I was cis het male.  2 years ago, I starting owning my trans status.  I've been re-examining my sexuality ever since.

So far, I'm thinking I'm a lesbian.  With careful, honest soul searching, I don't believe I have any attraction to men.  In my "former life", I never had trouble getting dates with women, so I guess I was a reasonably attractive man.  I developed a keen eye for what is attractive in a woman.  I have been thinking I don't have to worry about men hitting on me, I have few qualities that I feel are attractive, and many more that are clearly not attractive.  I like to adapt the old Groucho Marx quip, "I wouldn't be interested in a person who had such lousy taste to find me attractive".

My housing is kind of like a glorified college dorm.  The apartments are rather small, with central bathroom and kitchen facilities.  Today, my neighbor a few door down stopped me as I was about to enter my room.  His eyes went to my breasts, then he touched my hair with both hands and said "you rock my World".  I excused myself with a smile and slipped into my room, locking the door behind me.

Gaaaahhhh!!!!  I didn't mind the touch, or the attention.  It's very validating to me, but beyond that, I'm just not interested.  He is sort of likable as a person, a little crazy but then so am I.  He drinks a bit, but then so do I.  I guess the main thing is, I have no accomodations for, or interest in, his p3Niz!

I have been flirted with by men on the street, and just in fun with friends, but this is the first time anyone has been that forward, with touching, and an unmistakable look of interest (passion/lust?).  Not sure what to do.  I'd love to hear other trans folks thoughts, MTF, FTM or just non-binary.  How do you deal with (unwanted?) advances from strangers?

[Sammy]

I dont want to sound harsh and prejudicial but what he did was more than hitting on You - that person clearly has no clue about acceptable boundaries (staring at chest is kinda something which we just had to suck up), but touching Your hair was IMHO off the limits.
Unless You are fine with that, if he tries that for another time - or attempts to go further - You should put him back, clearly, explicitly and unambigously.

[Joules]

Hi Emily,

Good to hear from you!

I agree with you, the automatic response in most situations involving full-out strangers should be demure and conservative.  In this situation, the man isn't a full out stranger to me.  We pass in the hallways several times each week and exchange basic pleasantries.  He is about 12 inches shorter than me and at least 100 pounds lighter.  I keep my 8" German steel kitchen knife honed to a razor's edge!  I guess I'm willing to let the situation play out a bit, not because of romantic interest rather a curiosity.

[Squircle]

Demure and conservative?!? 

The guy invaded your personal space and laid hands on you. If you aren't interested in him you would be best off being clear about it IMHO, otherwise what could start out as a bit of fun could become very uncomfortable for you. He lives right by you, he is literally too close to home.

[Eva Marie]

I agree with the others - this is way past a guy hitting on you. The fact that he is your neighbor just adds more creepiness and makes it scarier.

I'd guess that if you don't firmly handle the situation it will progress and he will push it further each time. Maybe you should start carrying something to defend yourself with in case you should need it.

I've been hit on before by guys and they always backed off after I made it clear that I wasn't interested. This guy.... worries me.

[Tessa James]

Well Hello again Joules!  Yes, welcome back.  Nice to hear about your more stable situation and, oh my, guys in your face and in your hair.  Guess you are getting some practice with finding your boundaries?  Having met you I feel confident that you can handle yourself and your neighbor represents some acknowledgment and validation if pushing limits.

I love being with a guy but am currently monogamous.  I used to enjoy strong eye contact with men and now I avoid giving them too much encouragement...like even a smile is suggestive to some.  I have much more empathy and understanding for women who dress for their own pleasure and even for other women's approval vs trying to look hot for a guy. 

Maybe I'll see you at the trans or gay pride events in ptown.  Till then I imagine you have some great old tunes spinning.

[stephaniec]

I'd say unwelcomed is unwelcomed. Unless your willing to let this guy into your bedroom, which is totally your decision, your an adult, I'd say you'd better set the boundaries now or your going to be constantly dealing with this.

[CaitlinE]

Uncensored reaction: Ugh!  Creepy, creepy, creepy!  Personally, I would stress over this and not all be comfortable with the proximity.  But then I'm skittery and high strung about such things, working on unwinding that a bit.

Considering this a bit, it sounds like a friendzoning is order.  Some men can respect that.  A lot can't, in which case you'll need to enforce stronger boundaries.  It may help to think of the long term, as in what should you be doing now so the hallway can be comfortable for however many years you're both on it.

[Wild Flower]

A prostitute (ugly and older) approach asking for sex from (last week she said sucki sucki)...

Today in a cold voice, "No not into ->-bleeped-<-s"; to inflict the pain I felt as a transsexual... and she look sad for one second and turn away, and walk to the store behind her . Shes cisgender I think.

Cruelest words I ever said... made me felt bad for a minute.

[Joules]

An update:

In the past few days, my neighbor has continued to be friendly, and slightly forward with me.  He is sensitive though.  The times he's made further attempts at touching, I pulled away and he picked up on it.  2 nights ago, I believe he had in mind kissing me.  All I had to say was "Please don't!"  with a mortified look on my face, and he quit trying.

He gave me a pretty cool gift today, a split open thunder egg (geode).  I have great fascination for them!  It looks like a Cadbury Cream egg, chocolate colored outside with a solid, creamy white middle.  Definitely not for eating though

Maybe having a male admirer isn't all bad!