My new workplace...

[Ms Grace]

Been at my new job a "full week" now - for me a full week is three days since it's part time. Anyway, it's been really good - there's a lot to get my brain around in terms of systems (and wow, do they have systems) and procedures (plenty of those too) but they're friendly and easy going and have been incredibly welcoming. Have to say I'm pretty darn happy so far and I got some really positive feedback that it was thumbs up from them too.

Now I mentioned in another post that I was tossing up if, when, how I  might out myself as trans. I don't want to be stealth but really don't want to be all trans in their face either (as if!). I got some great feedback when I asked folks here, so thanks for that.

Anyway, it transpires that at least half the male staff (including the boss and deputy) are gay - I know that because they fairly readily mention their boyfriends or have pics of their boyfriends on their desk. Cool. I've worked with gay guys before, not quite so many at once but of course it doesn't make any difference it feels just the same as any workplace I've been in before, although definitely feels lower on the hetro macho and testosterone factor so feel quite safe. While I am starting to bond well with the women I haven't picked up much about their status or orientations. I think the important thing is that I feel I am bonding and being accepted as a woman by the women. Do they suspect anything? Dunno. Maybe. Maybe not. I kind of hope not... plus it "only" took me three days but I finally noticed a few of these stickers around the office...



Yeah, that there is a fairly explicit commitment to LGBTI acceptance. On top of that, I found out yesterday that one of the health programs they run is in conjunction with the trans gender community and that the sign up/subscribe form on our website includes the question "Are you: Female | Male | Trans/Inter?" (for the record, I ticked "Female").

Now this would obviously a really safe and accepting place for me to be out as trans (and I thought my previous workplace was safe!). There is no reason I can see not to let them know. Except for the fact that a part of me worries that as accepting as people are/claim to be they still have slippery perceptions and behaviours around trans people. If they see me as a ("real") woman what, if anything, changes once they know I'm a trans woman? I know that trans woman equals woman full stop - but do they. Possibly nothing would happen - but I'm really digging being able to bond with the women as a woman. I'd hate to think I could potentially lose even the tiniest fraction of that if they knew I was trans and their presumptions (regardless of how "well meaning" they may be) kick in.

It's stupid, stupid, stupid I know but it's what I find myself wrestling with at the end of my first awesome week at work.

Someone please tell me I'm being stupid!

[Jenny07]

You're being stupid Grace.

Well you asked for it.

[Mariah]

I wish I could say that, but I can't. Your fears an concerns are completely warranted and justified considering things. No matter how much we try not to, we always wonder how people see us and want to be treated just like anyone else. So losing those things is something that if we don't have to we don't want to despite other benefits that we can get from letting the cat of the bag. It sounds like a accepting work place so I'm sure when you do let them know that everything will be fine. I'm glad you enjoyed your first week. Here is to many more. Hugs
Mariah

[Lady Smith]

I'm glad your first week at the new job went so well Grace 

It's a new workplace so it's only natural that you're feeling a little nervous and out of your comfort zone.  I would say though that it looks to be a friendly workplace and with all those stickers around the office I would say that everybody is accepting of diversity.  Rather than doing any big reveal my feeling is that it would be better to get to know everybody and let them get to know you and if anybody has any questions I'm sure they will ask them as time goes on.

[katrinaw]

Congrats on the end of your first week Grace... glad you are enjoying it.

I personally think that I'd enjoy the bonding and acceptances as they are, once you really have a close relationship with one or two I would only then be thinking of testing the water, if you really need to.

I'd be revelling on that obvious acceptance of who you are as you are with no reservations at the moment.

Happy for you

L Katy 

[iKate]

If I were you I would just zip my lips.

If they find out good. If not, meh. No big deal.

When I find another job post transition I won't say a thing except to HR to preserve my rights.

I'm at a training class for the week and accidentally stealth. The first day I walked in I was read as female. I didn't challenge it. So I just played along, and actually I'm uninhibited and dress how I want now. My colleagues who are with me know but no one else does. This may also mean I push up my FT date by a week, I'm really tempted to do so.

It's great. A feeling of freedom I've never had before. This really has me longing for some form of stealth post full time. I don't want to be known as "Kate the woman who used to be a man." I want to be known as Kate. Full stop.

[stephaniec]

vous etre stupide

[Jacqueline]

Grace,

For someone being stupid you rock.

With loving thoughts,

Joanna

[KristinaM]

First, congrats on the new job!  Sounds like a wonderful place to work and be trans.  I hope my workplace turns out to be accepting, it's a pretty conservative crowd around here I think.

As for your situation though, I'd probably keep my lips sealed about it too for now.

With that said though, should, for whatever reason, it happen to come up in conversation, I don't think outting yourself would be a bad thing.  Let them get their first impressions and perceptions of you firmly rooted, then throw 'em that curveball down the road.  It can't overwhelm them as much then (long-term-wise) as it would if you let it out now.

That just my opinion though.

[Jake25]

Glad you like your new workplace. It seems to me your past and the fact that you weren't born a woman should be only your business and be kept private.

Once I am fully male I'm not going to tell anyone about my secret past it unless they knew me before.

What's done is done.

[Julia-Madrid]

He he he - I think you're over-analysing all of this Grace.

If this office is so gay-friendly, and you're interacting nicely with the women, well, girlfriend, is there any issue?  My experience is that women with no axe to grind welcome us without animosity.

Give it a few weeks...  Once you're sure that your place there is secure, tell them over a group coffee with some sticky buns.

xxx
J

[suzifrommd]

Your office mates do not owe you their medical histories. If you found out one was a cancer survivor, and another had an appendectomy, would you feel they're hiding something from you?

Transfolk need to get over the notion that we "owe" cisgender people an accounting of our past.

Your history is yours, to disclose or keep private as you please.

When you show them that you are a woman, you are not being dishonest.

You ARE a woman. Full stop.

[Tysilio]

Your history is yours, to disclose or keep private as you please.

Exactly. If I were in that position, I'd just enjoy being me in such an uncomplicated way. If and when I developed closer relationships with any of my co-workers, of the kind where we were both disclosing more private things about ourselves, I could imagine telling them.

Another approach could be the one I took with a group of my friends: a bunch of us were spending a long weekend together, and I'd thought beforehand that it might be a good occasion to come out to the ones who didn't already know. The "right" moment didn't happen until the subject came up in another context shortly before people left. At a certain point, I just said -- in a very matter-of-fact way -- "As someone who is in the process of coming out as transgender, I have to disagree with that."  It did change the direction of the conversation a bit, but it went fine.

But anyway, Grace, congratulations on making such a soft landing in your new workplace. How great that you're in a genuinely safe, positive environment!

[lostcharlie]

Ms Grace, Glad the new job is starting off well, and no I won't call you stupid. What I will say is I think your over thinking things waaaaaaay to much! I have a fresh idea for you , just be Ms Grace the human being and let your co-workers get to know her. She seems to be a really nice lady!

[kelly_aus]

Good to hear your new workplace is working out for you.

I don't know that I'd make any big announcement about being trans, but I also don't think I'd make any huge secret of it either. If it comes up, fine.. If it doesn't, that's also fine.

The more time I spend out in the world, the more I find that Aussies, for the most part, simply don't care. We are the country that had a trans cabaret that was very popular even with the straight middle classes, as far back as the 60's. Carlotta was a trans woman playing a trans character in a soap on TV in 1973. She's also appeared on many TV shows since. I could also mention we are the country that made 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' which also featured a trans woman character..

[Eva Marie]

I'm glad that you landed in such a nice workplace Grace.

Since no one there knows I'd just smile and keep it to myself. You don't owe anyone an explanation of your medical history - you are a woman and that's that. Once you tell a person it will eventually be all over the company, and there is simply no need for that.

[Ms Grace]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and feedback. I expect I will come out at some point and I expect all will be OK. The reality is that my new organisation has some non specific connections with my old organisation and/or people who I've had connections with due to that job... now we all know how people like to gossip so it would probably come up at some point. Anyway, we'll see.

[Dena]

Sorry I am late to the party but having been through new jobs in my current role and I might be able to help. That office is unlike any I have ever worked in so my approach would be to stay on the sidelines for a few months so they accept you for your work ability. Seeing you checked the female box,  they will accept you as post surgical if they suspect anything. In an office like that and with the Jenner thing going you have the option of contributing some of your "special knowledge" in an office conversation. They may ask more pointed questions or their response may tell you if the time is right for a conversation.

All of the jobs I have taken as a female I never volunteered information. One a former hippie had a private conversation with me and had there been something on the grape vine, I would have heard about it. On my current job I have been outed a couple of times. We had a gay and a bi who did it once and then somebody from management ask why I didn't tell the company owner about myself. These conversations happened over 10 years after I started with the company. There is no right answer to this but don't be in a big of hurry to start talking about it. We have something call diarrhea of the mouth after living years in closet so take it easy and give it a little time.

[Cindy]

Dear stupid, I mean Grace

I generally don't let on, but people find out and ask questions and then I say ye, sure I'm a transexual woman. If there is anything I can help you with to understand what our community goes through I'm happy to help!

That way, people respect my space but know I'm TG and it is of no concern to me and shouldn't be to them.

I hope you had a great first week at work.

Love Hon