Too Fast?

[Ian68]

OK.  So, as some of you know, I had a *very* tough breakup last year that also involved a person outside of that relationship stalking me.  Ever since then (last summer), I've been extremely guarded, even paranoid, about letting people get close unless I knew them from work - that persists to this day. 

However, I recently met a woman through a mutual casual acquaintance, and I really like her.  She's funny and smart and beautiful and really sensitive, and I like all of that.  We haven't met in person yet but will next month as she's moving to my town.  If the part of me that is so guarded were to judge how I'm acting now, I would say that I'm being a bit reckless in the sense of trusting her after such a short time.  I don't know which judgement is better, and I think that sometimes I let life pass by because I'm too afraid of taking risks; I want to see what happens this time.  But I'm also concerned that because I'm forcing myself outside of my typical no-risk pattern, that I'm also moving too fast or rather, thinking too fast about this.  I really like her, but I also don't want to rush or force things.  I'm use to having such tight control over the decisions I make but I feel very out of my element with dating; I feel very awkward and like I'm bound to screw it up somehow. 

I'm not sure what advice I expect, but I'll just open it up to any advice.

[Naeree]

I've seen some couple getting together after a week they met. My opinion is I think it is so sweet for a guy open up on their feeling and hitting on girl. But this is me, some people might find the fast approach uncomfortable. You can slowly show your interest in her, and go with the flow. Good luck  

[suzifrommd]

She's not moving in with you, right, just to your town? You'll get to know her in person and see how you connect. If it doesn't work out, you'll face some disappointment and unhappiness, but no one ever died from disappointment.

[AndrewB]

So long as you feel comfortable around her via text/message or whatever, I'd say the next logical step would be meeting in person, where you can see how you guys really interact. I totally get what you're saying about exiting that comfort zone too quickly—my best friend has anxiety that flares when she's not in control of a situation, and that definitely carried over into a fairly recent long-distance relationship she had. She'd never really been in a good relationship before, and he liked to move quickly, which freaked her out a lot, but when she did muster up the courage to tell him to slow down, they worked out a lot better. So if things move too quickly, I think honesty will be your best policy with her. And you. Be honest with yourself, because she's bound to get hurt, too, if you don't listen to your own needs.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll make the right call for you!