My fear drowns out my happiness

[mrg58]

Hey there everyone,

Recently, I've felt a lot of stress around transition. I have been on hormones, but I stopped taking them almost a month ago. I have an appointment with my PCP to start up again. However, I wanted to come here to talk about why I stopped.

My fears. My fear of acceptance. My fear of looking like a man no matter how hard I try. My fear of somehow making this work financially while still pursuing my future career goals. My fear of losing my job. And on and on. These fears seem to drown out the good feelings, like how happy I was when I started seeing physical changes from my hormones or when I did my make up for the first time.

How do you guys turn up the volume on the good feelings while muting the bad ones? I just feel like I'm really struggling with this aspect of transitioning. I know from past experience that I will ruin other parts of my life if I don't sort this part out.

Thank you all for your help!

[suzifrommd]

I was sure I would never look like a woman.

Now I pass nearly everywhere I go. Most people in my life know my history but totally accept me as a woman.

But back when I didn't know all that would happen, I spent some time with friends who were non-passing trans women. They are some of the happiest trans women I know, and they celebrate daily their opportunity to live as the women they are. Some of them are quite beautiful (beauty does not require being able to pass) and none of them seemed to have problems with not being accepted as they are.

Does this help?

[mmmmm]

It was transition or suicide... nothing else was important after that point.


You don't need acceptance from other than that few most important people in your life... everybody else can go **** themselves if they dislike anything.

You seem a lot focused on career... If that's the case, then probably you won't have much of a problem paying for feminizing surgeries if needed...

[mrg58]

Does this help?

It certainly does. As someone who has dealt with extreme social anxiety, I realize that I need to find my own inner happiness that does not depend on other people's perceptions of me. However, that is certainly easier said than done.

[mrg58]

You seem a lot focused on career... If that's the case, then probably you won't have much of a problem paying for feminizing surgeries if needed...

I am focused on a career, yes. However, that career is quite some time away. I still have several years of higher education to go before starting that career. In the meantime, I'm just taking out more and more loans for school haha. Eventually, it will even out. However, I'll be in my late 30's by then.

[Katiepie]

The thing about jobs is if you ask about talking to hr about certain subjects, then you can get the whole deal of rules, regulations, and safeties, among the state laws. If your job does not have an hr department, then ask to speak directly to your manager about the situation. Unless they are transphobic of course.
Financially, yes even living a non transgendered life can be financially hard. But when there is a well, there is a way. Schools have programs, scholarships, grants, as well as other means for supplement, and if things are crazy due to the medical side, there are payment plans that can and will be able to be done, government assistance, as well as possible state or country assistance just needs a little research to find.
Acceptance, is well, when you can fully accept yourself 100 percent, it doesn't matter what others perception is, as long as you do this for yourself, your natural glow of being you should definitely be enough to persuade others acceptance

Kate ♥