Transgender without dysphoria?? (Confused!!)

[Hannah Samira]

Hiya everyone!!

Basically I'd like to start off by pointing out that I am a 19 year old closeted boy who thinks he wants to become a woman. But before I undergo any part of transition, I want to make sure I'm not making a huge mistake. I know everyone will tell me I need to see a therapist and as soon as I can get some money together I will, but first I wanted to address some thoughts I have about my current situation.

I have never really had any problems with being a guy, nor have I had any with my male genitalia. That said, I feel that I would prefer to be a woman, with breasts and a vagina too. This is why I'm confused - I don't hate being a boy, in fact it definitely has advantages and sometimes it's quite enjoyable - but I really, really wish I was a girl. This is something that is always on my mind and not a day goes by when I don't think about it and this has been the case for over 10 years now.

I was just wondering if there was anybody at any stage in their transition who could relate to this. It would be interesting to hear if anybody felt this way before, then transitioned and felt even better!!

Hope to hear some responses soon!!

Hugs!!

Sophie xx

[Dena]

Only you can answer that and it varies from person to person to some degree. If you haven't watched it yet, go to Youtube and request "The Transition Channel" all of these questions will determine where you are on the spectrum.

[suzifrommd]

Sophie, I relate completely. I was OK being a guy for 50 years, but I always wished I could have been born a woman. I've now been happily living full time for two years and loving it.

[topit]

YES.
there is a group of people called truscum and I don't completely understand them but they perpetuate the idea that dysphoria is required to be Trans in any way. They are wrong!!! there is this idea called gender euphoria which is the exactly the opposite thing. its when you feel positive things in relation to be gendered a certain way.

like i didnt know i was trans until like earlier this year and i was just like lmao im just going to procrastinate on thinking about that because i wasnt suffering like debilitating dysphoria or anything but once someone saw me as a girl and i was like !!! yes!!! and then we went thrift shopping and i bought a real nice dress and i was like !!! and eventually i did come out as trans which made sense in retrospect.

im not claiming to not feel any dysphoria because i started to realize that a lot of what i had been feeling was dysphoria but i think to a larger degree is "i have the potential to be happy in the body i am in" instead of the paradigm of being trapped in the wrong body

[Mariah]

Hi Sophie. A few months before I transitioned for the second time for good I had told a friend about my gender issues. Then told her I could live with how things are despite those issues. Even though I had said that she was still insistent that I should see a therapist. The fact is she was right and turns out in the end I couldn't keep living that lie that was the male life I had been forced into. When she died a month or so after that fact I was forced to face my issues. She had been someone who I relied on for a couple years rather strongly after I nearly died in 2012. Losing a fundamental piece of my support system forces you to reevaluate things. Resulting in my discovering that I couldn't continuing living my life as it was which in my own way had been telling doctors all along during that 2 year period. You never know how things are going to end up and go. It never hurts to see a therapist and sort things out. Taking her advice in the end and seeing a therapist is one of the best things I have ever done. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Hannah Samira]

Sophie, I relate completely. I was OK being a guy for 50 years, but I always wished I could have been born a woman. I've now been happily living full time for two years and loving it.

This is exactly what I mean!! I worry that if I do transition I won't be loving it, but I'm glad that you're happy!! xx

YES.
there is a group of people called truscum and I don't completely understand them but they perpetuate the idea that dysphoria is required to be Trans in any way. They are wrong!!! there is this idea called gender euphoria which is the exactly the opposite thing. its when you feel positive things in relation to be gendered a certain way.

like i didnt know i was trans until like earlier this year and i was just like lmao im just going to procrastinate on thinking about that because i wasnt suffering like debilitating dysphoria or anything but once someone saw me as a girl and i was like !!! yes!!! and then we went thrift shopping and i bought a real nice dress and i was like !!! and eventually i did come out as trans which made sense in retrospect.

im not claiming to not feel any dysphoria because i started to realize that a lot of what i had been feeling was dysphoria but i think to a larger degree is "i have the potential to be happy in the body i am in" instead of the paradigm of being trapped in the wrong body

Thank you for sharing this, I've never presented as female in front of anybody so I don't know how I'll feel, hopefully I'll get the same feeling you did!! xx

Hi Sophie. A few months before I transitioned for the second time for good I had told a friend about my gender issues. Then told her I could live with how things are despite those issues. Even though I had said that she was still insistent that I should see a therapist. The fact is she was right and turns out in the end I couldn't keep living that lie that was the male life I had been forced into. When she died a month or so after that fact I was forced to face my issues. She had been someone who I relied on for a couple years rather strongly after I nearly died in 2012. Losing a fundamental piece of my support system forces you to reevaluate things. Resulting in my discovering that I couldn't continuing living my life as it was which in my own way had been telling doctors all along during that 2 year period. You never know how things are going to end up and go. It never hurts to see a therapist and sort things out. Taking her advice in the end and seeing a therapist is one of the best things I have ever done. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Wow Mariah that's really emotional, I hope to see a therapist soon and your story has helped me realise this, thank you so much for sharing!! <3 xx

[Mariah]

Your so very welcome Sophie. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[awilliams1701]

Not all of us transition. You may not need to. I NEEDED to. I hate my male parts. They drove me nuts before I started HRT. Its not too bad now, but I NEED surgery eventually. Unfortunately it looks like thats at least 2 years away.

[femmebutt]

You need to start presenting as female with what you got. Ok, that's a strong opinion. But I believe in your case it is nearly impossible to decide what procedures (if any) your transition will involve from where you now stand, experience-wise.

I have no dysphoria below the waist. And only some above the waist. The secondary characteristics (facial hair mostly) prevent me from expressing as feminine as I want to. I like being a guy, too. No issues there. Just like you said, presenting as female is a preference. I'm choosing to transition partially to reflect that. There is no absolute rule in what qualifies you to make permanent changes to your body. In most of the resources you find online - like the responses you've heard here already - you will find transition made out to be a desperate act only required of the "true" transsexual. Of course there are more risks involved if you are not totally convinced that you must be only one way. But there are so many ways one can be.

Start bending you gender to what you prefer. You may find balance and happiness are much closer in and easily realized...

[femmebutt]

Btw, I'll be on hrt soon and have scheduled to get the laser. Likely that'll be "all she wrote" regarding my transition...

[Hannah Samira]

You need to start presenting as female with what you got. Ok, that's a strong opinion. But I believe in your case it is nearly impossible to decide what procedures (if any) your transition will involve from where you now stand, experience-wise.

I have no dysphoria below the waist. And only some above the waist. The secondary characteristics (facial hair mostly) prevent me from expressing as feminine as I want to. I like being a guy, too. No issues there. Just like you said, presenting as female is a preference. I'm choosing to transition partially to reflect that. There is no absolute rule in what qualifies you to make permanent changes to your body. In most of the resources you find online - like the responses you've heard here already - you will find transition made out to be a desperate act only required of the "true" transsexual. Of course there are more risks involved if you are not totally convinced that you must be only one way. But there are so many ways one can be.

Start bending you gender to what you prefer. You may find balance and happiness are much closer in and easily realized...

I want to start going to the trans group in Nottingham because I go there for university, but I couldn't go last time because of exams and I can't go now because I'm home from uni for a few months

Good luck with your transition!! xx

[femmebutt]

That is a fantastic idea! That is almost surely a safe place where you can be how you want to be.  I forced myself to go to the group in my town and it has been a beneficial experience overall. If only that it is yet one more safe place I can go and relate to others as myself.  Others may disagree, but I recommend you present as your preferred gender whenever you are able *provided the environment is safe. Even if you have to create that opportunity - by for example running errands in the town over (less likely to be recognized) - the experience you gain will be enlightening. At least it was for me

[martine]

Hi Sophie,

For the longest time (since elementary school) I've felt mostly like you described: I was OK being a guy but just kept thinking I would be better as a girl/woman. Fast forward to now at 33: I finally overcame my fears after years of dealing with what I would qualify as a discomfort punctuated by episodic crises. I went to see a therapist, started HRT, and feel better.

My advice, give this issue a serious thought. You won't regret the effort. And who knows, you might save yourself years of living with a persistent tiring nagging feeling of something not quite right.

Martine


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jenna Marie]

I was very similar; it suddenly hit me at 32 that I wanted to live as a woman. I didn't hate my body, I wasn't depressed (yet), I wasn't suicidal or miserable. I thought I'd be happ*ier* as a woman, but I was content as a guy. And I probably would have figured it out sooner if someone had told me that this was possible - that it wasn't necessary to be desperate or suffering to "deserve" to transition.

I started off taking baby steps like ear piercing, and seeing how I felt. I figured I could stop at any point if something didn't make me happier, and it's also possible to customize your journey (for one thing, surgery is  NOT required, and you're absolutely just as validly trans if you choose to be non-op). I didn't admit I was really trans until I'd gotten as far as scheduling GRS, mind you. I kept waiting for someone to tell me I wasn't deserving of it because I wasn't desperate. But the thing is, being a woman did in fact make me much happier, and that's a good enough reason to transition.

Short answer : you can do what makes you feel better without committing to any sort of long-term path, and don't let anyone else tell you that there's only one way to be trans.  You may turn around in a year and realize you want to spend the rest of your life as a woman; you may not, or you may fall anywhere in between. It's all OK, and you're entitled to change your life in ways that make you happier. And if it helps to hear a similar story, I felt much the way you do and was and am thrilled to transition, in the end.

[Hannah Samira]

Hi Sophie,

For the longest time (since elementary school) I've felt mostly like you described: I was OK being a guy but just kept thinking I would be better as a girl/woman. Fast forward to now at 33: I finally overcame my fears after years of dealing with what I would qualify as a discomfort punctuated by episodic crises. I went to see a therapist, started HRT, and feel better.

My advice, give this issue a serious thought. You won't regret the effort. And who knows, you might save yourself years of living with a persistent tiring nagging feeling of something not quite right.

Martine


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm going to try and find a therapist hopefully within the next 6 months because I don't want to have to wait too much longer. I turn 20 in December and I'm hoping I will have a bit of a clearer picture of my gender identity by then!! xx

I was very similar; it suddenly hit me at 32 that I wanted to live as a woman. I didn't hate my body, I wasn't depressed (yet), I wasn't suicidal or miserable. I thought I'd be happ*ier* as a woman, but I was content as a guy. And I probably would have figured it out sooner if someone had told me that this was possible - that it wasn't necessary to be desperate or suffering to "deserve" to transition.

I started off taking baby steps like ear piercing, and seeing how I felt. I figured I could stop at any point if something didn't make me happier, and it's also possible to customize your journey (for one thing, surgery is  NOT required, and you're absolutely just as validly trans if you choose to be non-op). I didn't admit I was really trans until I'd gotten as far as scheduling GRS, mind you. I kept waiting for someone to tell me I wasn't deserving of it because I wasn't desperate. But the thing is, being a woman did in fact make me much happier, and that's a good enough reason to transition.

Short answer : you can do what makes you feel better without committing to any sort of long-term path, and don't let anyone else tell you that there's only one way to be trans.  You may turn around in a year and realize you want to spend the rest of your life as a woman; you may not, or you may fall anywhere in between. It's all OK, and you're entitled to change your life in ways that make you happier. And if it helps to hear a similar story, I felt much the way you do and was and am thrilled to transition, in the end.

I'm happy to hear you're happy with your transition Jenna!! I was sitting here reading your post and I came up with probably the best way I can word how I feel:

I'm not a girl... but I want to be a girl... I don't look in the mirror and see a girl... but I want to see a girl... I don't think, talk or act like a girl... but I want to think, talk and act just like a girl!!

I think that pretty much sums it up!! xx

[AshleyFox118]

I love this place so much. Every time I ask a question to myself or search I find it answered here, and find so many different people here having so much information. It's great!

I'm kind of in a similar boat here.. ish?

I've never felt suicidal because I wasn't female. However, it's something that has.. pained me.. off and on for at least 5 years, possibly 7. (I'm 33 now.)

I've lived as a guy all of my life in public and.. only very very rarely did I do anything in private that was trying otherwise (mostly because of ignorance. I wish I would have known about these things all those years ago!! I might be a different person today!)

Lately, I do feel some dysphoria I think.. mostly with my bottom half. But then.. I've never really been "Fascinated" with it.. if that makes any sense.

I feel kind of like you do right now. I haven't done anything yet. The very idea though.. has made me so much more positive and happy lately, it's unreal.

I'm working with a therapist now trying to setup my first appointment. I think if you're confused at all its worth a shot.

I know in my case, I just keep spinning my wheels. I keep trying to tell myself to stop and give this idea up, but I won't. It's been too long, and the fact that I haven't stopped myself probably means I'm on the right track. But I keep saying "this is HUGE! This isn't a vacation to Florida! This is years of hard work and possibly some hardship.." but.. I keep going. I still want to know, I want to talk to the therapist, I want to know more.

One thing I've learned from lurking here for the last week and from reading stuff all over the web is that everyone is just as different in this as they are in anything else. You don't have to hate your body to be living in the wrong one, I suppose.

[katrinaw]

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L Katy 

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place Dark. Glad you decided to join the conversation. You are correct in saying this will change your future and I hope to the better. I would suspect treatment would run closer to two years at best and I was one of the longer ones with about 8 years before surgery.

We all experience this differently but there is a common feel that allows other with the same condition to be able to spot it in a person who is suffering with it. It's hard to explain in words but the emotions you express ring a bell in our past. I can't predict your outcome but if you keep at it, I can tell you that you will be happy in the end.

If I can help you, let me know.

[katrinaw]

Hi Sophie

I did have Dysphoria, badly as a kid, but it was a very long time ago, and you just didn't talk about it then... well once above 8'ish before then it was always "they'll grow out of it"

Well I never did, after struggling through my teens, I started to really push it all to the back of my mind, whilst I still had teary nights and prayed for divine interventions, once at work or whatever I would immerse myself into whatever I was doing... So did I suffer with Dysphoria well not destructively.

But... as years came and went, each wave of feminism and "Dysphoric" moments became stronger and stronger till here where I am, quite a bit older, been on HRT for 12 years and am happy with making the final push... but there will be a high cost in that.

As far as being transgender... only you really know, I did, without knowing what it was until about 15 or slightly more years ago. Seeing a Gender Therapist / Counsellor will definitely help you in coming to terms with yourself, regardless of outcome.

At the end of the day you have to be true to yourself... hugs

L Katy 

[katrinaw]

Hi Darkfox...

1) Thanks for loving us, we are a good bunch of folks here 

2) Whilst we all have a story to tell, we are all different, we all have different feelings about our gender identity. There is nothing wrong with questioning and testing your gender, many go through wanting to be the opposite gender then revert back and live the rest of there lives in born gender roles, however many of us don't and at various times in life transition into our desired Gender... There are no rules around this, its how you feel about yourself. As I mentioned I have had all the "recognised" patterns, however I have sort of learned to manage my self, and for work and family life I still very much present as Male... I hate it, but this is a must for just a little bit longer. Seeing a Gender Therapist will help you work out who you are and help you achieve who you need to be.

FWIW I went through "I must" the "Denial and Must be a true male father figure" but only for so long! And I have never really displayed a manly interest in Sex, and certainly not at all since on HRT...

Good luck

L Katy