Confidence

[iKate]

So I'm not the prettiest girl in the world. That said I'm at least somewhat passable. Enough that I don't get stared at or sir'ed. Maybe people are being nice, who knows.

Anyway I used to constantly worry about passing. Spring/Summer brought about another challenge as I couldn't hide behind a winter coat or outerwear in general.

Then in the last couple of weeks something weird happened. As the sun came out I decided to just throw caution to the wind and face the world head on. And you know what? It's absolutely fine. My degree of confidence is amazing now. I suspect Jenner coming out has helped to some degree. I figure people will "get" transgender now if they read me. Yes I am sort of nervous now and again but for I don't hide and I don't give a damn.

And you know what? The world did not come to an end. No issues at all in public, except my voice sometimes, but get this, people give me the benefit of the doubt! Yep my voice can slip but I'm still greeted and addressed properly. Not even kids stare or comment about me.

So I never really believed fully that "confidence makes up most of passing" but it does. And even if it's just people being nice, so what?

[FTMax]

Agree 100%, as usual 

I think we're our toughest critics, because we know signs to look for in others and are hyper aware of our own perceived shortcomings. In my daily life, most randomly encountered people are very willing to accept things at face value if I'm owning it.

Sure, my voice cracks at least once per conversation, and I have some hip curves that are difficult to hide/for other people to overlook - but I've found the more I just hold my head up and act like it is what it is, the less I get any inkling of judgment from people. Can't stress enough the importance of confidence and how it affects interactions with people.

[Jacqueline]

Go iKate, go!

I have believed about confidence, for everyone else. If/when I get to that point, I hope to have the ability to fake it at least.

It is inspiring to see such posts.

With loving thoughts and admiration,

Joanna

[Lynne]

I had the same experience when I started to not care about what people think. At first I did not want to go out in a sleeveless shirt or in a midi skirt because I was afraid I would be clocked because of my muscular arms and legs.

A quite hot summer came and I thought that it would look even more awkward if I'd go out wearing clothes that cover my arms and legs so I decided to go out in a sleeveless shirt for the first time in my life. After the first few minutes of anxiety it felt wonderful and freeing. Nobody looked at me the wrong way or commented on my appearance.

In a few months I got some midi skirts and a cute dress as well and passed my second milestone with going out in public wearing a skirt. We were on our way to a trans* meeting hand-in hand with my girlfriend and the only harmless comments we received were about us being lesbians.

My look did not change all that much because I'm not on hormones yet, the only thing that did change was my attitude and confidence and it helped a lot.

[Mariah]

I couldn't agree more iKate. A couple of weeks ago I had to call the paramedics to deal with my mom. I didn't have time to put makeup on before they made it to my house. Very little of the dark hair remains, but enough for me to notice it, but never the less I through caution to the wind. I didn't even bother dealing with it after we got her settled into one of the rooms in the ER. No questioned anything and I passed just fine. Just goes to prove what confidence can do. Hugs
Mariah

[Sydney_NYC]

iKate, you are so correct. Confidence makes a huge difference. I used to be worried about my 6'7" height, but now, I don't even think about it. People just see a really tall girl and no issues.

[iKate]

iKate, you are so correct. Confidence makes a huge difference. I used to be worried about my 6'7" height, but now, I don't even think about it. People just see a really tall girl and no issues.

Well in your case you seem to be doing quite well with your 17 months on HRT.

[Ms Grace]

While confidence isn't 100% essential to transition it makes a huge, huge difference - it really allows you to go out into the world and be a part of it and live your life. Without it you're doubting everything all the time and that is no fun. So happy for you that you could find it.

[rosinstraya]

Confidence - the magic potion..........almost as good as HRT? (!)

Good news Kate, and I hope it just gets better and better for you!

[Rejennyrated]

So I never really believed fully that "confidence makes up most of passing" but it does. And even if it's just people being nice, so what?

100% top of the class. Absolutely right!

Those of us who are old timers witter on about this from time to time, and often get shouted down for our trouble too, because it IS difficult to believe when you are just starting out, but I've proved this over the decades time and again.

Of course most people want to look good and sound good, but the good news is looking good is not synonymous with blending in. In fact I've seen hugely beautiful and very feminine transpeople who still stick out like a sore thumb, because they simultaneously manage to look wat too good to be true, and yet strangely lacking in confidence.

This is partly why I've never bothered with voice surgery, FFS, or anything other than GRS. Those other things can help you to look and sound the way you might like, but ultimately in terms of how others react they aren't the real game changer.

So welcome to confident reality. Feels great doesn't it?

[iKate]

This is partly why I've never bothered with voice surgery, FFS, or anything other than GRS. Those other things can help you to look and sound the way you might like, but ultimately in terms of how others react they aren't the real game changer.

Well, I explained my needs for voice surgery - one, some people hear but don't see me (podcasts, ham radio), and also it just makes me feel confident about me even more.

About FFS, I am on the fence. If I can have good results like Gazal Dhaliwal, FFS won't be necessary for me.

I'm prepared not to give a <bleep> but that can only carry me so far.

[kelly_aus]

I wasn't going to post in this thread, as I've been shouted down way too many times for suggesting that confidence is a big helper.. But I've found it is - especially if you actually feel as confident as you are projecting..

[Sydney_NYC]

Well in your case you seem to be doing quite well with your 17 months on HRT.

Thank you

Well, I explained my needs for voice surgery - one, some people hear but don't see me (podcasts, ham radio), and also it just makes me feel confident about me even more.

About FFS, I am on the fence. If I can have good results like Gazal Dhaliwal, FFS won't be necessary for me.

I'm prepared not to give a <bleep> but that can only carry me so far.

My voice is borderline on the phone and if it's a really clear connection I always get gendered female. Crappy voice calls I'll get gendered male. For some reason at drive thru places I always get gender female crappy or not (even when they don't have a camera.) It think it has something to do with the CODEC they use on cell phones (especially Verizon's EVRC on their CDMA network).

FFS I have been pondering and I talked with a few surgeons at the Philly Trans Health Conference this past weekend. I would like to have my brow bone reduced to make my forehead a little more feminine and open up my eyes. I feel like that it doesn't out me, but I do have a strong brow look I'd rather not have.

[kittenpower]

I think confidence helps, because you do not internalize everything, and constantly worry that everyone is focusing on you.

[Erica_Y]

I too think confidence is super important however I believe it is possible to be over confident as well which does not help and gives off its own vibes and presentation. I believe being comfortable with ones self and at ease is equally important to success in the real world.

[suzifrommd]

So I'm not the prettiest girl in the world.

FWIW, I've seen your pictures and you look nice. Only a few of us will ever look like Caitlin, but there are a lot of women who would want to look like you.

As for passing, well if you have male pattern baldness, or really tall with large hands, or have a basso profundo voice, confidence won't magically make you passable. (Accepted, yes. Passable, no.)

But life is a lot more pleasant when you go through it feeling good about ourselves.

[Naeree]

right the confident help alot, when I was going through the low self esteem moment, I alway turn on "You are beautiful - Christina Aguilera"

Also the smile, with the smile on my face I see people react really positive to me. ^__^