Quote from: sam1234 on June 08, 2015, 09:09:05 PM
That's a tough situation to be in. Unfortunately, many people fall into your category just trying to be "normal". Its important for humans to fit in, to belong. For someone who is a transgender, sometimes that pushes them into marriages that they really don't want. Later, when they decide they want to transition and be open to their spouse, it can be frightening and hurt your self esteem.
In your case, since you are gay as well as a transgender, part of the marriage must have worked for you, most likely without your spouse knowing about it. Straight guys who are cis may have a difficult time with the fact that they didn't catch your gender and sexual orientation. Sitting down and having an honest talk with your husband will save a lot of hurt feelings in the long run. Its bound to be difficult for both of you, but you have a community here who will support you in anyway we can.
Hi sam1234. I appreciate your welcome.
My situation isn't quite so clear-cut, and the details make it even easier for DH to have overlooked my not being "normal". I introduced myself as genderqueer, above, which in this case means both that my assigned gender doesn't match how I want to appear or live, and that my brain reports that my physical features should be of the both/and variety rather than one or the other. (So while I'll be happy to have my breasts dramatically reduced, I don't think I want to be completely rid of them. And it will be many years at best until I consider bottom surgery, since both the state of the art needs to improve and the law would need to change in order for a surgeon to construct male plumbing for me without simultaneously removing all of my female equipment.) As a result, my body dysphoria is about what's missing far more than what's already there. Easy to overlook because unlike more binary-inclined transmen, there aren't parts of my body that I can't bear for DH to touch. Where it gets tricky is that while DH isn't bothered by masculine women, and that's how I generally appear at present... I'm not a woman, nor do I want to be seen as one. And now I'm allowing myself to know it.
Nor did I say anything about my sexual orientation.
But in case it matters, I'm attracted to people - certain constellations of personality traits do it for me. Others don't. I don't know of a name for that as the main criterion of attraction, so I've just been calling myself "queer" as an umbrella term. (For example, DH and I first bonded while geeking out about science, in that particular way that 'I found something really cool' can turn into showing off for one another.) We've had a few of those honest conversations, now, and while he doesn't seem weirded out by my being not-a-woman, I'm unsure if that's because he can't imagine me as anything else. I suppose we'll find out as time goes on, and I gradually move my appearance closer to the male range.
