Growing up "female"

[Jake25]

What was one of the hardest things you had to learn growing up "female"? Many teachers, and mental health counselors had to teach me to laugh and smile, which I never naturally did. They made me identify emotions on a chart and I couldn't tell them how I was feeling for years. They used to tell me to pick an emotional face on the chart to tell them how I was feeling and it took me years to learn that. I still don't know how I feel mostly. I think it was child abuse to force someone to feel emotions that may or may not be their own. Did anyone else have a similar situation growing up female?

[Jszar]

What was one of the hardest things you had to learn growing up "female"?

It is not acceptable to bite someone's head off when they call you 'miss' or a 'lady'. (I still want to, to this day.)

I think it was child abuse to force someone to feel emotions that may or may not be their own. Did anyone else have a similar situation growing up female?

I managed to skip that part, by way of my childhood consisting of borderline neglect. It wasn't malicious - my mother was a single parent working multiple jobs, and there just wasn't enough time to go around. Kinda sucked for everyone, though.

[Contravene]

What was one of the hardest things you had to learn growing up "female"? Many teachers, and mental health counselors had to teach me to laugh and smile, which I never naturally did. They made me identify emotions on a chart and I couldn't tell them how I was feeling for years. They used to tell me to pick an emotional face on the chart to tell them how I was feeling and it took me years to learn that. I still don't know how I feel mostly. I think it was child abuse to force someone to feel emotions that may or may not be their own. Did anyone else have a similar situation growing up female?

I don't think being naturally unable to smile or laugh has anything to do with being male. Men naturally smile and laugh as much as women do. I know there's this whole myth that men aren't allowed to ever show any emotion but the idea that men can't even laugh or smile is taking it to an extreme. It sounds like teachers and mental health counselors were most likely testing you for done sort of developmental disorder.

The hardest thing for me was learning female social etiquette. Somehow I was socialized as male, maybe because I had mostly male friends for a while when I was young or maybe I just rebelled against any female social roles because they made me dysphoric. I usually find it much easier to befriend and interact socially with other men. Both genders have so many unspoken social rules and sometimes I just can't seem grasp the feminine ones.

[Algernon]

I don't think being naturally unable to smile or laugh has anything to do with being male. Men naturally smile and laugh as much as women do. I know there's this whole myth that men aren't allowed to ever show any emotion but the idea that men can't even laugh or smile is taking it to an extreme.

Very much agree that emotions are not, or should not, be a gender issue—though of course it was wrong for them to try to force you into emotions that did not come naturally to you.

For me probably the hardest thing was the expectation to be 'ladylike'. Heaven knows I did try. For years I tried, thinking it was what I was 'meant' to do in life. I went through a phase of refusing to wear trousers at all, so desperately did I want to convince myself and others what a feminine young woman I was. Looking back it all seems silly and grotesque. I never did manage to be swanlike or sit with my legs clamped together or allow myself to be led while dancing.

[Tossu-sama]

I think the worst part was just the whole expectation of becoming a woman. I was lucky enough not to have female etiquette etc forced on me and I was allowed to be myself for the most part but being at least subconsciously aware of the people's expectation was painful to say the least.

[AndrewB]

Humouring my mother and dressing "nice" for events like eighth grade graduation, weddings, funerals, etc. in a dress or skirt sucked big time. When my mother put makeup on my face I always just looked like a clown, IMO, even though she never did her own makeup like that. When she gave up and let me where button-front shirts I was much happier.

[SmartAlex]

The worst part for me was people trying to "fix" my style
Why don't you let your hair grow ?
You don't want to wear a dress ?
You'd look pretty with that bikini !
I hated that soooo much

[Elvis the Pelvis]

The hardest thing about growing up female, was growing up female.

[teddybear_zach]

my mom left me alone with all that female stuff. I dressed as I wanted to and I was called Z instead of my birth name. very accepting family I was born into

[Jake25]

my mom left me alone with all that female stuff. I dressed as I wanted to and I was called Z instead of my birth name. very accepting family I was born into

How lucky.

[BenKenobi]

Pockets are a lie.
Being the ugly duckling, people made sure you knew it.
Getting a period.
Overly revealing clothes and the expectations to wear them.
Periods.

[AndrewB]

Pockets are a lie.
Being the ugly duckling, people made sure you knew it.
Getting a period.
Overly revealing clothes and the expectations to wear them.
Periods.

Seconded on the periods. Mine were irregular and often took 6-8 week breaks in between instead of a month—this may seem like a blessing to some trans guys, until you think about all the underwear I ruined, because I could never predict when the bleeding would start.

[Jake25]

Pockets are a lie.
Being the ugly duckling, people made sure you knew it.
Getting a period.
Overly revealing clothes and the expectations to wear them.
Periods.

What do you mean by pockets are a lie?

[BenKenobi]

Dude its the same for me. And i took birth control to try to even it out, my god. The MOOD SWINGS were insane. Like i would go from fine to bawling in a corner in seconds. And the pain was unbearable before that. It made me mad when cismen were all "lol u just bleed how is that hard". Son lemme kidney punch you on both sides then stand on your bladder while you're writhing in pain and see how quickly you change your tune.

Jake, i dunno if you noticed but most women's jeans either have teeny pockets or none at all. I still have to wear some women's pants because I'm so petite and i can't even put my hand in my pockets. For perspective, my hand can grab a chip from the bottom of a Pringles can and not get stuck. I constantly lose keys because they slip out when I'm working. Deep pockets are a blessing

[Frank]

I didn't live with my mother very long, but when I did, she certainly tried to get some female into me.
"Quit walking like a man!"
"Shave your legs, do you want the boys to laugh at you?"
"You're not wearing those boots!"
"Why can't you wear cute shoes like these?"
"Wear this [female clothing that made me feel like a clown in public]."
"Oh my god! Shave your armpits!" (The first thing I did when I moved away was to quit. Hah.)
Eventually I got fed up and moved to live with relatives who let me do exactly as I pleased. Even as I got older and out of her reach though, whenever she visited...
"Look at her! She's dressed like a boy and still looks cute!"

My mother wasn't mean about it or nearly as cruel as a lot of parents can be, but it still took a toll on my mental health and made me a very angry person for a long time. I couldn't understand how she couldn't see it was never going to work, I was never going to be like one of those girls.

[Jake25]

Dude its the same for me. And i took birth control to try to even it out, my god. The MOOD SWINGS were insane. Like i would go from fine to bawling in a corner in seconds. And the pain was unbearable before that. It made me mad when cismen were all "lol u just bleed how is that hard". Son lemme kidney punch you on both sides then stand on your bladder while you're writhing in pain and see how quickly you change your tune.

Jake, i dunno if you noticed but most women's jeans either have teeny pockets or none at all. I still have to wear some women's pants because I'm so petite and i can't even put my hand in my pockets. For perspective, my hand can grab a chip from the bottom of a Pringles can and not get stuck. I constantly lose keys because they slip out when I'm working. Deep pockets are a blessing

Cargo pants are great.

[BenKenobi]

Cargo pants would be great if they fit me. I'm a size 28 in men's and the smallest most stores have are 30. 

[mm]

Periods are bad, mine let me know when one was about to start, pain for about day before the bleeding started.
bras too, when you start bouncing

[BenKenobi]

Sports bras help with the bouncing at least. Well some do. Though again with the period swollen boobs kinda hinder the bras effectiveness

[jossef-ftm]

i don't know actually from where to start cause i deal with so many hurtful things i completely broke and a big part of me will never fix cause i've been in so much pain and abuse i can remember a part of my life i stopped having feelings cause of all the pain i've been through i didn't had feeling no more i felt like a monster i can say i back my humanity but not all of it cause the damage already happened and it can never be fixed it was not just dealing with F clothes i was forced to talk like one to walk like one and i was hit by a lot of family members i still can remember all the blue kicks on my body cause i was trying to be me and that was till i was 15 plus the psychological harm ....
i can't smile to people..i can't show my emotions or talk to people cause i always think they will treat me bad and i was always right...i can't sleep and i always have nightmares about the past...the doctor think i'm autism and refuse to understand all that cause i'm trans and i have identity crisis not autism