Phone Misgendering

CursedFireDean · June 17, 2015, 09:30:15 PM

I'm sure this has been a topic before, but it was a while ago and I can't find it.

I was wondering what everyone's experiences are with being gendered correctly on the phone. At what point did you start passing on the phone, if at all? Or if you're still waiting to pass, do you expect your voice to keep changing?

AndrewB · June 17, 2015, 10:10:36 PM

I haven't actually had an experience on the phone where I haven't already known the person or immediately introduced myself as Andrew, or I'm just not gendered at all (which is most often the case, for me). I'm 5.5 months on T now, so I'm figuring I'm up for at least one more voice drop at some point, but if it stays where it's at right now I'm actually okay with that, it's deep enough that it passes. I know plenty of cis guys, middle aged, with higher voices than mine. It's a little pubescent still, since it's so fresh from the last drop, but on the phone or in voice recordings I just sound like a 17-19 y/o guy.

wkly1269 · June 18, 2015, 07:19:06 AM

I had kind of passed before T but more as a 12 -13 year old boy than anything. After 3 months on T, I pass with out question. Before people would be like you sound really young or the you sound like a girl comments would arise. My voice wasnt the most girliest voice.. it was deeper than most girl voices so i think i got lucky that way. And alot of times, i had practice my voice being lower as well to sound more like a guy so that probably also helped me alot.

AleksiJason · June 18, 2015, 07:26:11 AM

about 3 years on T i was misgendered on the phone by an Ebay customer help person called me "ma'am" ....i think it traumatized me because i didnt have voice dysphoria after my voice dropped but when i got that it all came back to me and hasn't went away since hten....my voice dysphoria is bad....but i notice my dad and brother sometimes get misgendered either at drive thru fast food places or on the phone too.....we must just have a higher male voice....i also know other cis men who are misgendered sometimes just from someone hearing their voice and not seeing them

HeyTrace19 · June 18, 2015, 08:45:37 AM

More than 4 years on T and I am still misgendered on the phone. Just yesterday, in fact, the person on the line kept wavering back and forth calling me sir one minute and ma'am the next. It ticks me off...especially since it is completely unnecessary.

AndrewB · June 18, 2015, 08:55:48 AM

Quote from: HeyTrace19 on June 18, 2015, 08:45:37 AM
More than 4 years on T and I am still misgendered on the phone. Just yesterday, in fact, the person on the line kept wavering back and forth calling me sir one minute and ma'am the next. It ticks me off...especially since it is completely unnecessary.

That's about the point where I spare them the confusion and just confirm, the next time they say "ma'am," that it's actually sir. I had to do that in public a few times when I was just starting off, and I feel like it's better in the long run, instead of having both them and you being super uncomfortable and awkward.

teddybear_zach · June 18, 2015, 09:48:08 AM

I've been on T about 8 months now. The only time I'm misgendered is on accounts that still carry my old name. I haven't gotten around to changing my name on everything. Other than that I get Sir everywhere I call. I work in a call center and haven't gotten misgendered since my 4th month on T.

Daydreamer · June 18, 2015, 06:34:22 PM

I got gendered right over the phone a few days ago by someone who had had the wrong number. It was a short comment, but it made my day. I haven't experienced that just about ever, and any other time I get calls pronouns aren't mentioned.

morganFW · June 18, 2015, 09:10:11 PM

no misgendering since 4 months on T. I'm now 11 months on T

Tossu-sama · June 19, 2015, 03:16:22 AM

I can't really say when the person on the other started to think right about my gender because we don't do sirs or ma'ams here but at one point I just realized that I'm passing voice-wise in the phone when the people looking for <old name> got terribly confused when I answered the phone.

At the early stages it was clear that I didn't pass on the phone when a telemarketer was adamant to get me to subscribe for some women's magazine. Noooo thank youuuuuu.

AleksiJason · June 19, 2015, 08:03:05 AM

where do u live that noone sir's or ma'ams?

AndrewB · June 19, 2015, 08:11:00 AM

Quote from: AleksiJason on June 19, 2015, 08:03:05 AM
where do u live that noone sir's or ma'ams?

I actually can't remember the last time I was addressed as "sir" or "ma'am" on the phone directly, nor can I remember the last time I did it myself. In person it's different, but over the phone that formality doesn't seem to exist a lot in the calls I make. If anything, they'll use your name, if they have it. For reference I live in Oregon.

Tossu-sama · June 19, 2015, 08:35:55 AM

Quote from: AleksiJason on June 19, 2015, 08:03:05 AM
where do u live that noone sir's or ma'ams?

Finland.

Finnish doesn't have equivalents for sir and ma'am that would be used in everyday talk without it sounding extremely pretentious and... well, stupid. It's all between the lines. We also don't have gendered pronouns.

Algernon · June 19, 2015, 08:39:06 AM

I'm pre-T and have an alto voice which can be made to sound quite low if carefully controlled. However, I have a certain nervousness when it comes to speaking on the phone—something about not being able to see the other person gets me. So, of course, it my speech becomes fast and high-pitched. Being called sir/miss is a rare occurrence in the west of Ireland where I live—people are familiar and informal here. I don't remember ever being gendered on the phone in that way. My main problem, therefore, is misgendering myself. I've lost track of the amount of times I have answered the family landline and told people looking for my parents, 'this is their daughter speaking' and cursed myself for not having the courage to say 'son', even if it did come at the expense of confusing them.

Algernon · June 19, 2015, 08:41:45 AM

Quote from: Tossu-sama on June 19, 2015, 08:35:55 AM
Finnish doesn't have equivalents for sir and ma'am that would be used in everyday talk without it sounding extremely pretentious and... well, stupid. It's all between the lines. We also don't have gendered pronouns.

Estonia, where my mother is from, is the same. No such formalities and no gendered pronouns. (Finnish and Estonian are of course fairly closely related.) Not having gendered pronouns is of course delightful; unfortunately one doesn't escape getting gendered altogether.

Cindy · June 19, 2015, 08:53:44 AM

One of those guy topics that hits girls as well. I was stuck in a broken down car in a bad part of town and called my auto emergency service. My account is under my female name but they wanted Cindy on the phone rather than the 'guy' talking to them. In the end I just said I was a woman with a deep voice and they were fine (even notified the police to make sure I was safe) but it did empathise how you can be put in a bad situation because of your voice.

Not sure how guys with a feminine sounding voice can deal with such a situation but it can be important and not just awkward. I know most guys develop deep voices on T but sadly girls voices need surgery or speech pathologists to help. It is important to have a strategy in place for emergencies.

Sorry for stepping in to a guys topic!

CursedFireDean · June 19, 2015, 10:19:18 AM

Quote from: Cindy on June 19, 2015, 08:53:44 AM
One of those guy topics that hits girls as well. I was stuck in a broken down car in a bad part of town and called my auto emergency service. My account is under my female name but they wanted Cindy on the phone rather than the 'guy' talking to them. In the end I just said I was a woman with a deep voice and they were fine (even notified the police to make sure I was safe) but it did empathise how you can be put in a bad situation because of your voice.

Not sure how guys with a feminine sounding voice can deal with such a situation but it can be important and not just awkward. I know most guys develop deep voices on T but sadly girls voices need surgery or speech pathologists to help. It is important to have a strategy in place for emergencies.

Sorry for stepping in to a guys topic!

Definitely no apology necessary! I put the topic in this section as I'm ftm myself and was mostly thinking about T changes as I was typing, but hearing from the ladies is also encouraged! phones and voices is one of the issues I thing us guys and you girls have much in common, with the exception of T changing our voices.

Sir Real · June 19, 2015, 12:48:37 PM

I've passed for a while on the phone or when talking with my MMO guildies on things like RaidCall. I don't talk to many strangers on the phone, but when I do, they tend to pin me as a male (through subtle things sometimes like, Is this, [father's name]?).

That said, I know two cis men who sometimes or often don't "pass" on the phone. Even after repeated corrections! I don't find they otherwise sound very feminine. But they do have a softer and/or higher voice.

tjack77 · June 20, 2015, 01:46:17 AM

Since a little after my 3 months on T, I've been Sir/Mr on the phone. Even in person, the only people who mis-gendered me are people who knew me before my transition but wasn't close friends and family... like my neighbours $:-\$ but i just shake it off...

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Phone Misgendering