I still remember the first time I went out. I started out just going to my therapist, there and back. And I remember sitting in the waiting room, with cakes of makeup on-sooooo nervous, in a basically fully waiting room. Just waiting for people to give me problems. But the other shoe never dropped. I remember after my session that night, I challenged myself to actually go somewhere else. And I went to the bookstore right after, and actually bought a book. With a credit card, so I had to show ID too. But again, nothing happened. Pretty much my early transition period was full of anxiety about doing things, doing them, then being suprised at the other shoe not dropping. Looking back at pictures of myself from then, I still have no idea where that courage came from, but it is something that gives me a lot of strength and confidence. I actually started full-time, then started laser, then started hormones a few months after that.
I remember getting my ears pierced and navel pierced in before I was on hormones too, and how that was a big thing.
I definitely felt like an unpassable back then. The last step of my transition was really to move out to the east coast. And I would say that's when I stopped passing, and started just being.
I mean, bad things happened occasionally on the way. But I feel like for the most part my transition went pretty well. I definitely owe a lot of thanks to my therapist, who was really almost my one woman support system at times. I used to go in once a week, for about two years, just so I could talk. Most of it wasn't even about being trans. In fact in the end, trans, and the transition maybe took up 10 percent of our sessions. And then I also had some kickass friends that I met about 3/4ths of the way through transition, who have never treated me as anything but another girl.
I don't know, I'm rambling.
I'm actually suprised how many people waited till after HRT to go full-time. I felt like I needed to give myself time beforehand full-time, so I knew for sure it was what I wanted to do. One of the best things for me was just sitting down before I started transitioning, and mapping out a timeline of what I wanted to do and when, and how much it would cost--and I think by going at a deliberate and careful pace, it has helped me immensely in adjusting.
Oh and I was 23 when I started HRT.
