The wives who are struggling with our issues call themselves transwidows. They are struggling with the idea that we (our new identities) have killed their husbands. Some get good help and can work through it, but with the new "trans revolution", some feel they are forced to suck it up, cope, deal with it, or grow up:(
I started reading this from a wives support group. I was confused, but the more you read, the worse it got. Its not us doing anything bad, they are not bad, but when we get labeled as "heroes" for comming out, people look at them and question why they cant cope?
Then you step back further and realize, we are not heroes, id be happy just to be a mentor:) but right now, I just want to be a good partner! But with this said, we have our struggles that most of us snuck into our marriage. Im not trying to be mean, I just spent hrs reading their comments trying to make sure I have answers if needed for my wife. Most wives are up there, when their new wife thinks all is well, but the councelor basically has told them to suck it up. I would feel that this would kill a marriage in time with such resentment.
These forums are available to find and read, but please respect their privacy too that their rants are actually helping other transwidows cope! I suggest reading to try to prevent your wife from becoming a transwidow:(
I hope this helps, and the last thing I saw that I caught myself even doing and trying to reverse. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE! If you think you will never, look at a picture of you when you made this lie, to where you are now. Then try convincing yourself your inner reflection has never changed. Admit things are going to change, but you are going to prove she will love the new you?
I found I made this lie too, but when I started to show after 20 years, we had new things we could do beyond sex, my wife cheared up. I will steer away from the lesbian lifestyle until or if she will ever accept that, but I doubt that ever happens:( Right now I just prove I still love her in other ways. She knows I cannot go back, and I know she didnt sign up to be a lesbian (to be open minded, can you admit that before this gender change, that you could be comfortable in a same sex marriage that you did not agree to? You married your wife out of love and sexual preference, and now you took that sexual preference away from her.. now its time to see if there was more holding this relationship together, but something as simple as religion will destroy this chance..).
My wife knows we can seperate whenever she wants, but im trying to make life good for her so she doesn't want to leave. Our arrangement seemed to always be id take care of the finances, security, and housing, and she took care of the kid, meals, house, and me. Sex usually is a bonus? Hopefully she sees nothing changed except her desire for me sexually, and maybe in time she can see the "me" she fell in love with.. Id give up sex, for a spouse to grow old with anyday:) Again, sex is just a reward if all works out for both parties. Mine reward is just waking up in the morning with her still here.. I think thats all any of us can do after we dropped this on them.
If you do goto those chatrooms, please give them privacy. They dont have good moderators to remove things that should not be said! They are hurting and confused like us and hopefully they can work it out there when society fails them too..
Night all;)
