I am still married to my heterosexual wife. My transition is complete and my passing well. We are very close like sisters and we live together but she and I will never become lesbians. I am a little bit bi but mostly attracted to men.
We will stay very close for the rest of our lives but after 20 years of marriage it is sure that one day we will split up and very likely we will have a boyfriend. It is not easy but I never regretted transitioning. I knew I will loose her. And she already lost her husband. But for me there was not alternative and she understood why I have done this.
So we lost something and we won sonething. That is life.

I am still with my wife of 23 years. We are no longer intimate but we love each other very much.

I have been going slow in my transition.

I have very intense bouts of dysphoria and I need to transition more than I have. Perhaps an orchi would help, that and getting my brow, chin and hair corrected would help immensely.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on June 20, 2015, 12:36:03 PM
Look at you all, ashamed to cry! Not me, tears of joy for you.

Sorry if this sounded odd. Somehow or other it ended up attached to the wrong thread. It was supposed to go in the thread about Cindy's spouse.

Weird glitch!

I am 4 years after transition, 2 years postop, and still married to my mate of nearly 40 years.

She is hetero, has no lesbian inclinations, and I'm close to asexual.   We have a small sexual attraction left, but our relationship has always been strong outside of the bedroom.   

I transitioned very slowly - took around 2 years to go full time.   It gave her time to adjust.   And, we tried to do things that had nothing to do with transition as much as possible - it was just too much pressure on her without that. 

Best of luck!

Still transitioning, still married.  If there is any chance of it working you need to go slow.  We have a lot more fun together which helps.  Mutual interests go a long way and she didn't have a best girlfriend and wanted one.  Now we are best friends and best girlfriends.  Again, just go slow.

We are still married but she's not a lesbian so there is a line though we cuddle, hold hands and are great up to that line.  Her drives are quite low which helps a lot.  I still only am attracted to women but staying together matters much more than my greatly lowered drive (Yea estrogen!)

Good luck!

Quote from: CrysC on June 20, 2015, 10:10:30 PM
Still transitioning, still married.  If there is any chance of it working you need to go slow.

I've heard that a lot, go slow, but what does that mean? I feel I'd be content with low dose HRT and nothing else at this stage. Libido and other testosterone influenced behaviours is what is making life intolerable at the moment. I don't mind getting dressed up, but it's really not what's driving this.

Quote from: CrysC on June 20, 2015, 10:10:30 PM
We are still married but she's not a lesbian so there is a line though we cuddle, hold hands and are great up to that line.  Her drives are quite low which helps a lot.  I still only am attracted to women but staying together matters much more than my greatly lowered drive (Yea estrogen!)

That would be ideal for me. My wife thinks she'd be OK with this too, so here's hoping.

I have been out for about 3 years now and have been with my current significant other for 6 years this year.

People have asked if we're only together for the kid(s) but nope, the only "kids" we have are our three cats and a dog. 

Have times been tough....I won't lie, hell yes they have. But no matter what, she stays by my side.

And just to show how far things have come, it never gets used for sex now, and on my days off when I'm relaxing after going shopping she actually tells me to go pull on a pair of yoga pants, or a sun dress and relax, before she never would have said that and she is the main reason why I almost went full time last summer but realized just how expensive voice and name change would have cost.

I honestly think that if it weren't for her support, I wouldn't be as confident as I am today.

The wives who are struggling with our issues call themselves transwidows.  They are struggling with the idea that we (our new identities) have killed their husbands.  Some get good help and can work through it, but with the new "trans revolution", some feel they are forced to suck it up, cope, deal with it, or grow up:( 

I started reading this from a wives support group.  I was confused, but the more you read, the worse it got.  Its not us doing anything bad, they are not bad, but when we get labeled as "heroes" for comming out, people look at them and question why they cant cope? 
Then you step back further and realize, we are not heroes, id be happy just to be a mentor:)  but right now, I just want to be a good partner!  But with this said, we have our struggles that most of us snuck into our marriage.  Im not trying to be mean, I just spent hrs reading their comments trying to make sure I have answers if needed for my wife.  Most wives are up there, when their new wife thinks all is well, but the councelor basically has told them to suck it up.  I would feel that this would kill a marriage in time with such resentment. 
These forums are available to find and read, but please respect their privacy too that their rants are actually helping other transwidows cope!  I suggest reading to try to prevent your wife from becoming a transwidow:(
I hope this helps, and the last thing I saw that I caught myself even doing and trying to reverse.  DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE!  If you think you will never, look at a picture of you when you made this lie, to where you are now.  Then try convincing yourself your inner reflection has never changed.  Admit things are going to change, but you are going to prove she will love the new you?
I found I made this lie too, but when I started to show after 20 years, we had new things we could do beyond sex, my wife cheared up.  I will steer away from the lesbian lifestyle until or if she will ever accept that, but I doubt that ever happens:(  Right now I just prove I still love her in other ways.  She knows I cannot go back, and I know she didnt sign up to be a lesbian (to be open minded, can you admit that before this gender change, that you could be comfortable in a same sex marriage that you did not agree to?  You married your wife out of love and sexual preference, and now you took that sexual preference away from her.. now its time to see if there was more holding this relationship together, but something as simple as religion will destroy this chance..). 
My wife knows we can seperate whenever she wants, but im trying to make life good for her so she doesn't want to leave. Our arrangement seemed to always be id take care of the finances, security, and housing, and she took care of the kid, meals, house, and me.  Sex usually is a bonus?  Hopefully she sees nothing changed except her desire for me sexually, and maybe in time she can see the "me" she fell in love with..  Id give up sex, for a spouse to grow old with anyday:)  Again, sex is just a reward if all works out for both parties.  Mine reward is just waking up in the morning with her still here..   I think thats all any of us can do after we dropped this on them. 

If you do goto those chatrooms, please give them privacy.  They dont have good moderators to remove things that should not be said!  They are hurting and confused like us and hopefully they can work it out there when society fails them too..

Night all;)

(My wife has never seen the "transwidow" thing, and she has been involved in various online support groups for years. Hm. She can probably give me links to some of them, too, if I ask.)

The trick is that "slow" isn't an objective measure, it's basically "whatever compromise keeps you from getting too miserable without exceeding her ability to cope/keep up." So it comes down to making sure you don't move faster than *your* wife can handle, regardless of what other people may or may not feel.

My wife used to say it was like being strapped to a speeding train... I still feel guilty about that. (I fully transitioned in less than a year, so not slow by most standards; she kept up, but barely.)

Quote from: Jenna Marie on June 21, 2015, 09:51:00 AM
My wife used to say it was like being strapped to a speeding train... I still feel guilty about that.

Oh I get that guilt thing.  Maybe a bit like you because I was all "full speed, ahead damn the torpedoes"  and because I asked her to keep "my secret" for decades.  She helped push me into therapy and literally saved my life countless times.

We have been together for 42+ years and she remans my best friend, lover and confidant.  So heck yes, there are plenty of us who have found ways to stay and make it work.  But, of course, it takes two to tango and some reciprocal love and support need to be part of the equation?

Tessa, your wife sounds like a wonderful person. And it's true that it takes two - which means my wife is also right when she points out that she *chose* to be along for the ride, and at any point she could have chosen to unstrap herself from that train. I still feel guilty, I can't help it, but she's very firm that I did not do anything TO her.

I finally came out to my wife of 20 years last year in March. In May I started HRT. It came as a huge shock to her. Before I had told her I liked to crossdress, which she had supported as long as we had no children. Later on having children she threw out all my clothes. No support anymore. I struggled for years and years until I couldn't go anymore. She didn't take it well in the beginning. It has been a steady process with many discussions, ofter getting very tearful. In any case she has come around slowly but surely and now thinks that I'm the best what has happened to her. I am still feeling unsure about her desire to stay together because in the beginning she said "there is no way I'm going to live with a woman". Very adamant she repeated that for several months. When I finally thought everything was over and we'd surely split up she started to turn around.
What I think has saved our marriage so far is the fact that we always kept communicating. Since she is no Lesbian, I see us more like sisters now. She even helped me to buy my first Bra. I do wonder what future brings as by next month according to the Judge I have my Papers ready for my name and gender change in Germany. Currently I live in South American and had to do everything long distance. The whole process started already February 27th and finally I can see the light on the end of the tunnel. Well, I hope it keeps shining for both, my wife and me. 

It has been great reading all these success stories.

When I first came out to my wife I was afraid I would lose the one love of my life.  But a year later I realize that our relationship was very flawed, that she just enabled me to live a lonely and unhappy life.   I am still living with my wife (as roommates), but realize that what I want is to move on, that to be able to become myself I need to leave this relationship behind.   I don't want to hurt her, but staying here would be hurting me.

My point is that things will change as you move along in this journey.   Hopefully you will still each love each other and wish to remain married.   But as you release yourself to become authentic it can change how you see your past and effect every relationship you have.   That is not a bad thing.  It just is.  But don't be overly attached to the way things are in the present or you will be unable to move forward.