Feeling unwanted

[ChristineHaylett]

May I ask you why they refused. It's there job to treat you and if your over a certain age that can ask the parents out of the area why they talk to you if they are interfering with you getting the care you need. It doesn't seem to add up if you mind my saying that. An ER has to treat everyone who comes in the door regardless of their ability to pay for the services. I don't know of many, if any, ER"s that can just turn you away. Hugs
Mariah

They just tell me I'm not suicidal at the time even when I attempted suicide on many times. They told me one time if I was suicidale I would have done it and I'm like "what the hell I just overdosed what's that tell you" they said but your here in hospital but I can't help that I was found passed out each time.

Now the mental health team at the court is looking into this, they say it's neglect. The ladys who saw me last time have to write down what happened the day i got arrested and send it to the court. Guess what the court is still waiting 3 months on, they don't believe they are going to give it.

Now they rejected me last time and I was with my parents as I'm under their address because of bail. I had a full out mental break down which my solicitor is awear of and they would not see me with my parents, I wanted my dad there as I was very frightened. They got rid of my parents and after they told me they was not going to do a full assessment on me and turned me away.

All I can say is that my support team and the people at a&e keep neglecting me. I wish I never moved from suffork to Norfolk, they simply don't care even my records have missing pages such as my diagnosis on paper has vanished.   

The team here is made of all little teams but there all in the same building, I think conspiracy against me to cover something up. At one point someone changed the phone numbers on my next if kin, I was out raged by this and forced them to change it back.

My gp has made complaints before, the result they started helping me with a support network that visited and helped me with my everyday living such as shopping. They then removed it after an month after telling me it's perment help sharon felt it was disgusting how I seem to fall though the net alot like it's on purpose. In fact Sharon felt so sad for me she bent the rules and donated a few hours of her time to help me and say good bye, it's thanks to her I got to meet another trans person.
I have been reassigned this support about 3 times and each time someone stops it.

I should have some pink slips at home from when I overdosed in the past and went to a&e, if I'm lucky and I get home Monday I'll post images of them here.

[Mariah]

So sorry for everything you have been through. I can't imagine having to have been through that level of issues where those types of problems occur. I can only hope  that thing improve and you get the care that you need. Fact is and remains you are the best advocate for your care no matter who they place over you. Secondly, there are helplines in the case you need help that can and will help you. We are also here to listen and help in anyway we can. Things do go missing sometimes and sometimes by no fault of anyone and just happens through the transfer of records. If it make yo feel better my physical medical records from before 2008 are not part of my medical charts now. When they tried to go after the records they were not able to get a hold of them for one reason or another. It no longer matters as far as I'm concerned since my body contains most of what they need to know. Probably why some doctors didn't even go after the records in the first place. Big hugs and good luck.
Mariah

[stephaniec]

I'd say call a hot line and tell them what your telling us and see what they say about it

[ChristineHaylett]

Update I'm now in court for a application to vary bail conditions Monday, so I've booked in hotel for Sunday as I'm homeless tomorrow and very early morning on Monday I travel to Norwich court. With some luck they will allow the minor change and send me back to my home.
I'm very frighten at this stage.

[Dena]

Good luck in court.

[stephaniec]

good luck

[ChristineHaylett]

Feeling really scared tomorrow I'm homeless.
Can't help but feel unwanted by my family, they haven't accepted me they just pretended too at first. Over the last few days it's all came out they have hurt me deeply.
I've got no one to speak tonight ,  I've got no one to go too.
I'm praying that hearing in court goes right, I'm so so frighten. I need a hug and no one can give me one .

Just finished packing, I can't stop having nasty thoughts in my head, I'm trying to hold in there until Monday and then week will see what happens to little me.

[Mariah]

Hugs. I pray everything turns out alright for you. Again. Call one of the helplines and see what they can do for you. There are options. Hugs
Mariah

[ChristineHaylett]

They never help me, I've lost count how many times I've been on the line with them in really bad states of mind. I can't even give my name any more or they tell me to go away

[Mariah]

Do you keep trying the same one or different ones. What about trying to get aid from the government in some form. Hugs
Mariah

[ChristineHaylett]

One side of me is thinking why live any longer, I've got no family that cares about me, my gender doctors don't care, my support network has gone silent on me. Why phone for help when I could end all the suffering I feel.

The other said of me is I made a promise to Yenneffer to show her the time of her life on a date and I never break a promise even if it takes me time to get to it. This I will keep  I promise her that.

[stephaniec]

I don't know for some reason you seem to have run into a lot of bad luck in asking for help. I think you need to hit up every possible help line and social worker at every hospital you can get to , I know there is people who care because they saved my life.

[ChristineHaylett]

I think it's just the area I Iive in are neglecting people, I've met a free people from the same health services I'm under and they all seem to be reporting complete neglect.
I've even had appointments at my home were I've seen them drive up to the house sitting there in the communal car park and then driving of again, and this makes me paranoid and I quickly phone the office and they say they are running late and must be caught in traffic then I complain they was out side my house then they ignore me and just say no there running late dont worrie ,they then turn up again about 30 minutes later.

[stephaniec]

sorry, that's a tough situation , maybe when your in court bring that up and ask what you can do.

[ChristineHaylett]

sorry, that's a tough situation , maybe when your in court bring that up and ask what you can do.

My solicitor had put in the vary to bail as the person I had the augment with has moved away, he says he can't see why it should be a problem now to move back.
But apparently she has told the police it may be only be temporary and his worried this will cause a problem but my landlady has said that she's in fact moved out and someone else had moved in so how could she say it's only temporary. I think she knows I wish to go home now and wants to hurt me more so she's lying.
I can only hope there grant the bail chance Monday for me so I can go home and start rebuilding my life

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry I'm confused, your being prevented by the courts from living with your  family or just that particular building.

[ChristineHaylett]

I'm sorry I'm confused, your being prevented by the courts from living with your  family or just that particular building.

No I live alone in downham market, I said to my neighbour in anger that I'll kill her and her dogs, the court ban me from my own home and kings Lynn and sent me to my parents address for temporary solution.

My parents don't want me here anymore as they hate me and are kicking me out tomorrow, I'm due in court on Monday as my neighbour has moved house so my solicitor is trying very hard to chance the bail conditions so I can go home to my address and not be homeless.

But sadly the earliest he can get it in court was Monday, he tried for Friday but no luck. This means tomorrow I am homeless but I booked a Hotel until Monday morning, if the court denys my bail chances I'm completely homeless at which point I'll most likly give up and take my life as I don't wish to walk the streets at night.

[stephaniec]

Well, lets hope the courts are  reasonable. In the case they're not reasonable I would still contact the help lines to see what they say and go to a different hospital and talk to a social worker and demand help.

[ChristineHaylett]

The sick thing is I don't think I want the help anymore , think I'm finally ready to stop that beating heart.

The stress of court, home sick, my support workers constantly letting me down, my personal budget is bringing  me down, I feel like I'm not even worth anything any more.

I keep getting treated as a criminal now and it hurts it's my first ever offensive and it was just words I don't mean, they sent me to prison on it for a week. One judge suggested life on just words, they even sent it to crown court.

The stress of having a chance of going to prison and begging raped or worse is making me want to take my own life before hand.

And my gender clinic won't give me hormones for a year yet I'm full time women sense march. It had forced me to self medicate, and I'm scared of what I'm doing but I tried to do it by doctors the right way but they refuse to help until the year passes so I have no choice.

It's getting to much, my family hates me, my support network don't care for me, I have no friends, I live alone and go weeks on end with out some one to talk to.
What's the point if I become homeless Monday why keep on going. My family has blown me out all day, I've had no one to talk to

I'm so lonely when I'm at mine I cook dinner for 2, and pretend I have a guess over , it don't take long for me to start crying after.
I cry each night desperate for a hug or some one to speak


I'm not worth help any more.

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry, believe me I know your pain. I wont go into my story. You need to keep going , this is so temporary. You get through this and get a job and once the money is there you can sleep and eat which is the most important thing. Life can be hard , I live it myself. I've had no one in my life for 40 years. I want to cry and cry and cry. I'm so lonely , but I like living no matter. I have the badge of being in prison . I worried for 20 years that I'd get fired if they found out. I don't know what keeps me going , I hurt every day , but I want to live. I like talking to people and I like my computer, its all I have , but I want to live. I am pleading with you to keep trying to seek out help because there are people who care.