How do I date?

[Alex_or_Ben]

I feel very disillusioned about everything.  I just started to date online and it didn't go very well.  I originally thought I was bigender, but now I realize I'm FTM.  Gender can be so confusing and frustrating!  I put myself as female, even though I have thoughts of being male because this is my biological gender.  I did this because I thought I had to officially change my gender through HRT or surgery before I could list myself as male.  I didn't predict that I would change so much in my perceptions of my own gender.  And now I'm stuck paying for a online dating service that won't let me change my gender.  To be specific, JDate.com.  I suppose I learned my lesson, big time?

I have been rejected and after some crying, I came on here and I read different posts that people wrote here about dating, and it made me feel better and less alone.  On here, I read about how people recommend OkCupid, and yes that one is very very open-minded!

I just feel I need to figure myself out more before I date.  I don't know what to do about this.  Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?  I just feel so overwhelmed with trying to come out to people in my life and trying to be honest with people about my transgender issues.

[Ms Grace]

It's always useful to have a strong sense of self before you get into dating, but that hasn't stopped a large number of people before! In the first instance, most people though would like a relationship without too many complicating factors, a partner they can feel they can rely on and who isn't consumed by doubt and other personal problems. After all, most people want to date for a bit of fun, adventure and romance. So yeah, being in a good space about yourself is going to help. Are you presenting as male? What kind of partner would you like (male, female, either)? What would you bring to the relationship? I'm not sure what gay guys expect from a guy in a relationship, but women frequently expect a lot from their guy - sensitive but strong, caring but manly, etc. Dating can be rough on everyone, usually more so for trans people. I've heard conflicting reports about OK Cupid, there are a number of people there who apparently have some unpleasant and fetishised attitudes towards trans people.

[Mariah]

Alex, it's never easy to put yourself out there like that to date. Regardless if your doing it online or even in person. Coming into my transition I had certain things that need sorted out and my sexuality was one of them. My gender I was sure of, but sexuality was a different story. Working through that issue helped me discover everything in regards to that for me. I know I couldn't have dated before that and it's probably a reason beyond other issues that I couldn't before. I think Grace really did say this well, but I just wanted to add that too it. Hugs
Mariah