Peoples demeanor changing towards me

[RavenL]

Hello everyone!

Kind of wanted to see if anyone else experienced something like this. So I'm still pre HRT and not out at work. Apart from two people that I really trust. But rest of the time I'm female around the house and public. This week I've really noticed a change on how both males and females are treating me. Now granted some things have changed. I'm really not good at hiding my walk pattern so it screams female if anyone pays attention. But I'm sure no one has really bothered at all. Since one close friend at work I came out to just a couple days ago had no idea.  And I have become just a little more polite. But now guys are starting to kind of push me around and are trying to argue with me. I'm a supervisor and just started training three new people. And two of them act like I don't know what I'm talking about. And the other supervisor same exact job and position as me they pay attention to. And I've even had guys I've worked with for over a year now start trying to tell me what to do. Also one manager who I've never really gotten along with most of the time has left me alone. And now all the sudden he's bugging me to do little stuff all the time but being very polite about it. Where before if he did want something done he was awfully rude to me. But he's still acting the same way to everyone else.

Even guys that before I was able to make random small talk with are acting like they could really careless. One guy who always used to talk to me about movies, games etc over the past two weeks almost acts like I don't exist now. And when I did have him and other guy helping me on a project today. A conversation started up about moving to California and the one guy was like "Oh they are crazy out there, I'd never move there because I can't have guns." And  I just spoke up "I'd really like to move just way too expensive and the gun issue doesn't bother me." So then I ended up getting told how crazy my position was and how I was wrong. Now a few months ago me and him had the same conversation and agreed to disagree, now I ended up getting a lecture. Also my manager started telling me how to train my new people. And I laid down a plan so they could learn everything and he did not pay any attenation to it. And five minutes later told me pretty much the same thing on how to train them. And before he used to listen to my suggestions not now.

On the other hand female coworkers have become a lot more nicer towards me. Even two of the female managers that before I had a hard time getting along with have done a 180 and even complain about other people to me. I guess in the end my demeanor has changed as well from threatening and aggressive to kind. And both genders are picking up on it.  None of this is really bothering me just thought it was interesting.

Thanks for reading sorry for the long post. And hope it makes sense its late and just wanted to get this written out.
Raven

[leacobb]

I can understand excactly what you are saying.. the people i work with are great and they have always known that i like guys and they was so understanding about that, so then when i got the courage to tell them i was trans they all told me that they already had there suspensions and they was fine about it but the way i done it was the whole one by one method... the guys at work still see me as the social drinker who is always up for a laugh and the girls have always treated me as one of them so now that i have had my srs nothing has really changed in that sence.. but customer wise that has been more difficult because the regulars ask the most personal questions which can be heart breaking sometimes.. asking things like what have you got now, i think that god wouldnt of wanted you to do that, and my favourite why did you do it, you seemed ok to me.... but it is arrogance.. and still so fustrating to hear.. but that is the world where we live i guess.. and things like this is why we have to be strong and just say None Of Your Business. But say it in a nice way because you are at work....lol

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[RoseH]

Hi Raven.
It sounds like some of your male coworkers need to adjust to the idea, which may take time. A few of my male friends were a bit awkward at first, because they weren't sure they could discuss the same subjects with me, or that my interests had changed. They were also slightly confused because they automatically addressed me differently and acted differently towards me and it took some time for them to adjust.

People will treat people differently based upon gender. You are now one of the girls, which means it might take a little time to convince the boys you can also be one of them. It's a part of the social construct unfortunately 

[RavenL]

People will treat people differently based upon gender. You are now one of the girls, which means it might take a little time to convince the boys you can also be one of them. It's a part of the social construct unfortunately 

Thing is I'm not "out" at work at all, I mean there's always been rumors floating that I'm gay for the last four years. But I haven't been treated different till now. I've already made the decision that at my current job there's no way for me to stay and transition. I don't want to come across as male bashing there are a lot of great guys in the world. But the group I work with are the most insecure group of men I've come across. And right now I'm having problems with them in my guy mode and the previous female supervisor they treated like junk to where she quit. And while my manager is alright he would never back me up. A few weeks ago one of my workers cussed at a female coworker and made her cry. She reported it to him and he did nothing. I've even gone to him about how my crew acts and pretty much get told to deal with it. So I mean its bad but the environment for me is getting really toxic.

[Eva Marie]

People will treat people differently based upon gender. You are now one of the girls, which means it might take a little time to convince the boys you can also be one of them. It's a part of the social construct unfortunately 

Yep. Guys put distance between me and them with a quickness and the old guy water cooler talk stopped cold. Women began talking with me and sharing intimate things with me. I had my first experience with misogyny in the workplace, and I am routinely dismissed by the guys now in meetings as they talk over me.

One funny thing that still happens is when one of them has car trouble they still seek me out for an opinion 

You may not be out at work but you may be giving enough clues that people have put 2 + 2 together and that may be why this is happening.

[RoseH]

Yep. Guys put distance between me and them with a quickness and the old guy water cooler talk stopped cold. Women began talking with me and sharing intimate things with me. I had my first experience with misogyny in the workplace, and I am routinely dismissed by the guys now in meetings as they talk over me.

One funny thing that still happens is when one of them has car trouble they still seek me out for an opinion 

You may not be out at work but you may be giving enough clues that people have put 2 + 2 together and that may be why this is happening.

It's a funny thing 

And yes, my fault, I didn't realize you weren't out Raven. But as Eva Marie said, you might naturally appear more feminine

[RavenL]

And yes, my fault, I didn't realize you weren't out Raven. But as Eva Marie said, you might naturally appear more feminine

That's alright Rose! I think you are right about me appearing more feminine. There's one trans Mtf that I do work with also (she's not out yet either) But when I came out to her she said it was really obvious last year when I started in my current position, that I wasn't like one of the guys. And had been thinking for months that I might be trans. One good thing that did happen last night one guy did tell me that he's never seen me look so happy.

[RoseH]

That's alright Rose! I think you are right about me appearing more feminine. There's one trans Mtf that I do work with also (she's not out yet either) But when I came out to her she said it was really obvious last year when I started in my current position, that I wasn't like one of the guys. And had been thinking for months that I might be trans. One good thing that did happen last night one guy did tell me that he's never seen me look so happy.

Aww, nice to hear that you're getting happier
I think the thing is that us girls are born with the female brain and even if we try to hide it, we can't completely.. I read some research (sorry, I don't have sources) which indicates that trans* people use their brain the same way as the gender they identify with. Which is why we may appear strange to others before we transition.
I didn't have to come out at my previous work because a coworker once asked me if I preferred female pronouns since I looked and acted like a girl.
We can't change it, we are who we are

[Promethea]

Unfortunately this comic by themanicpixienightmaregirl.tumblr.com is very true.



I think your coworkers are probably subconsciously picking up on some cues you're letting out and that is triggering their @#$%ed up logic... That's one more war we need to fight, all women, trans and cis.

Mod edit: no swears please

[Contravene]

If I can chime in as a guy...

I don't think it has anything to do with being perceived as female. I think it has to do with your personality shift to being more kind. If you're too kind and are no longer regarded as an authority figure the men will challenge you and the women will air their dirty laundry to you. This happens with male authority figures too.

I've had male and female bosses and have also supervised male and female employees while presenting as female myself so I know both sides of the coin here. I've never experienced men being sexist like that towards me or other female authority figures at work just because of gender and I imagine it would only happen in a pretty backwards place.

I just wanted to chime in before any male-bashing starts.

[RavenL]

If I can chime in as a guy...

I don't think it has anything to do with being perceived as female. I think it has to do with your personality shift to being more kind. If you're too kind and are no longer regarded as an authority figure the men will challenge you and the women will air their dirty laundry to you. This happens with male authority figures too.

I've had male and female bosses and have also supervised male and female employees while presenting as female myself so I know both sides of the coin here. I've never experienced men being sexist like that towards me or other female authority figures at work just because of gender and I imagine it would only happen in a pretty backwards place.

I just wanted to chime in before any male-bashing starts.

I really don't think I'm acting super kind yet. I still push my crew really hard and did get called a slave driver this week, so not everyone is trying to walk over me. I just have a few bad apples that have gotten out of hand all the sudden.

But unfortunately where I do work is pretty backwards. And I've seen and heard of sexism to both genders. Also doesn't help that some of the managers like to play favorites.

Also I hope I didn't come across as male bashing at all. Never was my intention I have still have a lot of guy friends at work that I make small talk with and enjoy the company.

[Contravene]

I really don't think I'm acting super kind yet. I still push my crew really hard and did get called a slave driver this week, so not everyone is trying to walk over me. I just have a few bad apples that have gotten out of hand all the sudden.

But unfortunately where I do work is pretty backwards. And I've seen and heard of sexism to both genders. Also doesn't help that some of the managers like to play favorites.

Also I hope I didn't come across as male bashing at all. Never was my intention I have still have a lot of guy friends at work that I make small talk with and enjoy the company.

Sorry to hear you work in a sexist environment like that. I can imagine some fields would be worse than others in that regard. I didn't think your post was male bashing at all, it was just that I could imagine future replies going in that direction so I wanted to offer a different perspective. I think as long as you push them like you always have and don't allow the bad apples to undermine your authority they may unconsciously perceive you as female but realize that your position hasn't changed. It's probably even a good opportunity to unconsciously show them that women do deserve respect on the job, it could rewrite their backwards ideas a little bit.

[Dena]

You are moving through the transition faster than anyone I have ever seen. Not being in regular contact with you I haven't seen all your personality changes but I am sure you have made changes in that area as well. If nothing else, they know you are no longer the time bomb waiting to go off that you once were. Men in unskilled work will pick up on what they perceive to be a weakness and push it as hard as they can. To counter this, you need to combine kindness, being strict and intelligence in your personality at work in order to let them know there will be no monkey business. I have had to take several jobs post transition and in each I had to push my way up from the bottom of the heap with my problem solving ability. I didn't receive much respect until they understood I was the go to person when nobody else knew what to do. This always happened slower than I wanted because I had to wait for those problems nobody else could solve to come to me. In your job there will be other area you will have to do twice as well as a man to gain the same respect. It just goes along with the skirt.

[RavenL]

You are moving through the transition faster than anyone I have ever seen. Not being in regular contact with you I haven't seen all your personality changes but I am sure you have made changes in that area as well. If nothing else, they know you are no longer the time bomb waiting to go off that you once were. Men in unskilled work will pick up on what they perceive to be a weakness and push it as hard as they can. To counter this, you need to combine kindness, being strict and intelligence in your personality at work in order to let them know there will be no monkey business. I have had to take several jobs post transition and in each I had to push my way up from the bottom of the heap with my problem solving ability. I didn't receive much respect until they understood I was the go to person when nobody else knew what to do. This always happened slower than I wanted because I had to wait for those problems nobody else could solve to come to me. In your job there will be other area you will have to do twice as well as a man to gain the same respect. It just goes along with the skirt.

Sorry if this comes out weird I've been awake for sixteen hours.

I really agree that my transition is happening really fast. There's many reasons for it but that's a topic for another day. In all honesty I haven't changed my "old" personality that much. I'm still super shy and pretty much keep to myself most of the time and get told that I'm hard to read. I know for a fact I'm acting a lot more confident and do look happier as I've been told. And after some thinking being a time bomb really describes the old me. Since pretty much this entire year my mental state went downhill and people were afraid of me. I think that's the big thing since the alpha is gone now and everyone is picking up on it good and bad. My one bad apple did try to start some problems tonight but he realized I mean business and changed really quick. So I'll just stay firm like you and Contravene suggest. I did go to one manager that I'm on good terms with and let her know how he was treating me. And if anything happens again she has my back. Just going to hold my head up high show respect but also firmness when the time calls for it.

[Yenneffer]

You are moving through the transition faster than anyone I have ever seen. Not being in regular contact with you I haven't seen all your personality changes but I am sure you have made changes in that area as well. If nothing else, they know you are no longer the time bomb waiting to go off that you once were. Men in unskilled work will pick up on what they perceive to be a weakness and push it as hard as they can. To counter this, you need to combine kindness, being strict and intelligence in your personality at work in order to let them know there will be no monkey business. I have had to take several jobs post transition and in each I had to push my way up from the bottom of the heap with my problem solving ability. I didn't receive much respect until they understood I was the go to person when nobody else knew what to do. This always happened slower than I wanted because I had to wait for those problems nobody else could solve to come to me. In your job there will be other area you will have to do twice as well as a man to gain the same respect. It just goes along with the skirt.

Lol I'm moving to fast to

[RavenL]

Lol I'm moving to fast to

Oh I might as well try to explain it since it does have some relation to this topic. Really my therapist helped me figure it out. Going back to when I was five or six I started knowing I was different. But the major thing that stopped me is my father pretty much lived vicariously through me and molded me into someone I wasn't. Along with me being really afraid of my father. To the point where I was scared to even watch a TV show he wouldn't approve of. And if I did show interest in anything close to girly I would get made fun of. He even made me go to a slaughterhouse and watch a cow get butchered from start to finish because he didn't want me to ever become vegetarian. I mean I was told what books I should read, what movies to watch, even who I should vote for! And it didn't help that I was kept out of public school and home schooled and wasn't allowed to have friends. So really I was never able to develop my own personality, thoughts or opinions of my own. And just hid my secret from everyone for years. I mean he's been dead for four years now and I still tried to act like him for three of those years since it was the only life I really knew.

So once I did finally figure out that yes I am female the world became brighter for me. Everything just clicked for me and it just feels natural and right. And for the first time in forever I'm taking steps to improve my life.  And I feel like I can be who I want to be without having another persons views imposed on me.

Sorry I kind of went off I really needed to get it out