Hi,
I'm a 17 year old biological female, but recently I have been having serious thoughts about my gender. I've never been 'girly', I used to wear dresses when i was about 3 because my parents put me in them, but since the age of about 11/12, I haven't worn anything 'feminine', apart from womens jeans and underwear, as i don't think mens would fit
.
I wear a sports bra and mens tshirts every day, but recently (about a month ago) there have been a few issues between my parents and me, which kickstarted this whole thing in the first place.
My mum brought me about 4 t shirts, because she was complaining I didn't have enough clothes ( i hate clothes shopping), but they were all fitted womens t shirts, so i told her they didn't fit and asked her to get me mens. (They fitted, but they were tight and clung to me, and i didn't feel comfortable in them).
She moaned about it, asking me 'why?', though i've brought mens shirts before, and then got them for me, and did'nt say anything else.
I thought the issue was forgotten, but then on my birthday, I made a stupid comment without thinking, and the 'rents brought the issue up again. The card from my parents was pink, and flowery and said 'daughter' on it, and i felt uncomfortable opening it for reasons i still don't want to think about.
Mum apologised, saying all the girls cards were pink, and i said (thinking purely about the colour scheme) ' you should have got me a boys one', as soon as i realised what i'd said, i added ' only that would say son on it'
Mum frowned at me, then 2 days later, dad came into my room, and bluntly asked if i 'felt like i was in the wrong body', bringing up the example of the shirts and card.
I denied it, saying mens clothes were comfier, and I was horrified they were jumping to conclusions.
But since then, I have been researching transmen, and I'm not really sure what my feelings over the years have been. :/
I've never really felt comfortable with my body, but since my dad mentioned it, my feelings have been getting worse, before, I ignored my chest, only really being uncomfortable if my shirt showed it, but now, I feel uncomfortable undressing, I want short hair even though it's really curly so would probably look awful, and i've realised i've never really felt comfortable with my name and pronouns. :/
(If I was born male, my parents would have called me Thomas, which is a name I feel comfortable being called, and was thinking I would like to be called before I asked my mum, which was both wonderful and terrible to know)
I don't know what to do, how to tell my parents and friends, or how to feel comfortable.
(Also, if I am trans, then I would be gay, but I sort of feel asexual, so there's that to tell my parents as well)
Anyone had any similar experiences, or any advice?
(Sorry for the essay, I just needed to tell someone, as I can't deal with it by myself anymore.)
