It's 3:15 am, and I was previously tired until I decided to watch a quick exercise video to get me motivated to go to the gym tomorrow. I figured, hell yeah, maybe I'll work out in my sleep and want to go first thing.
Quick intermission - check out Street Workout Motivation in Ukraine for a great, inspiring calisthenic work out compilation (that's the second video that lead to my sleep deprivation)
I have pretty good muscle mass and have always retained well. Before transitioning I certainly had a female looking chest. But in years of nothing but working out every day I managed to flatten and bulk up the $#!* out of my chest, by age 19 I could freely go shirtless in public. It was literally one of the most amazing feelings I've experienced, hands down. It was deeply personal and rewarding, and I knew that nothing in the world could ever remove the feeling that I had accomplished something I often doubted, always dreamed of and was told was impossible.
My question is: if I'm in good shape, even in really good shape if I work my ass off until my surgery date, how much muscle do you think I'm going to lose with the inactivity over 9 (or more) months? There's also going back for penile implants and such, which shortly after recovery will result in another few months of inactivity.
It just worries me because despite the burden of my birth sex, I really like the way my body is. It has reacted well to the testosterone, I'm in healthy levels, I gain muscle fast and retain it well. To disrupt all the progress I have made, and have worked so hard for, is honestly upsetting to me at my core. But regardless I have to complete my transition for my happiness and life.
At the end of that first video (I think it was) I saw an old guy with white hair, fit, doing some calisthenics. That gave me hope even if I lose a scary amount of muscle and thin out I can bounce back, at least stay in shape.
Thanks and goodnight.
Just wanted to include this as a PS. I remember reading this horoscope after I went out shirtless for the first time. It was in the same week and seemed so appropriate I saved it in a text document. And it really couldn't have been more so, as the whole experience was honestly incomparable to any other feeling in my life. So I want to share. It was from free will astrology, July 11 2013
When the comic book hero Superman first appeared on the scene in 1938, he had the power to jump over tall buildings, but he couldn't fly. By 1941, he was hovering in mid-air, and sometimes moving around while floating. Eventually, he attained the ability to soar long distances, even between stars. Your own destiny may have parallels to Superman's in the coming months, Cancerian. It's possible you will graduate, metaphorically speaking, from taking big leaps to hovering in mid-air.