Going out in public for the first time.

[bchigdon10]

I go to my mental health appointments in a dress does anyone think people will notice at other public places?

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[HoneyStrums]

Eventual sombody will notice.
And the amount of people that notice WILL be more then the amount of poeple you notice noticing you.

For months I thought nobody noticed me. However when going out with my sister or friends, they became qiute annoyed at the amount of peope staring. This was only 2 to 5 times a 2 hour trip. I on the other hand didnt noice these people. It amazed my sster how I dont notice them.

For the most part I dont concern myself with things I dont notice. And as long as nobody goes out of their way to be rude and make a scene I'm ok. One group however was rude enogh to start vocalising their attention to detail, But one group in nearly two years is good going.

Just go out as and when your comfatable. The term "passing" is more a corelation of ones likelyhood of being noticed. So my exsperiences wont be able to give you an idea of howmany and how often you will be noticed. As far as going to new places en fem, start with places where you know people that your freindly with. example local stores if you regulerley chat with the staff. Thers a chance that freindships could be maintained and even made stronger.

If things go well in these places they could also duble up as safe houses if need be. thus help boost your confidence in your local area, It will also help the neighbours that dont know you grow acustomed to seeing you around.

Also some people can and do react negativly when surprised, I after nearly two years have been aproached by a brother in law that disowned me in attempts to build bridges. If Im honest I think at first he may of thought it was a phase. And after realising it wasnt somthing thats going to go away he came round.

That said, not everybodies exsperiences are going to be as posative as mine.

In short Yes I think people will notice, No I dont think many of them will do more then stare.

Just follow this, If your not comfatable enogh to go en fem by yourself ask a friend if they can acompany you, or if you can tag along with them, if and when they go, eg shopping?

Always let friends know where your going.
Keep your phone with you.

Basically get used to going out en fem, before getting used to being by yourelf en fem. That might make things easyer for you.

[bchigdon10]

Right now my safe place to go is to my counselor &taking my wife to work I just drop her off.Thsns for the advice.  Hugs from Beverly!!!!

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[Yenneffer]

Hugs well done your awesome

[Ms Grace]

Keep in mind that just because people look at you it doesn't mean that they realise you are trans. I get a few dumbfounded looks from time to time but I expect that is due to me being 6'3" tall.

Prior to my transition I used to worry that people would spot me easily. Whenever I did notice a trans woman in public (easy for me to spot since I know most of the possible give aways) I would check out whether other people had noticed. As far as I could tell they hadn't...with a few exceptions. Where the trans woman was over sexually dressed (extremely short dress with fishnets and too much makeup) or had a massive give away (like a very noticeable five o'clock shadow, or a huge bald spot...) then yes people will notice. Presentation is a big part of passing, if you wear a dress that's fine, but it's what you wear and how you wear it that makes the difference.

[bchigdon10]

I'm 5'8" tall I am growing my hair longer but I have a bald spot but if I wear a cap and earrings im almost passable. I think I am going to experiment with make up and eyeshadow next.
Hugs from Beverly

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[Kellam]

You can also try going out in less girly clothes to begin with. My first time out as a teen I was wearing a faded women's thermal and some vintage jeans. When I accepted myself at last I employed a similar tactic. I have been technically full time for four months but I only left the house in a skirt for the first time a week ago. Heck my boobs were making themselves visible before I stepped out in flats.

There are many ways to slowly raise your comfort level. I am not so girly to begin with, more of a tomboy, so I took it extra slow. But one can be totally dressed in appropriate clothing but it can be ambiguous enough that one slips by noticed by fewer people.

The stares will come though so easing into them helps too...

[sparrow]

It all depends on how you're presenting & how visible you are.

I was walking around in my neighborhood today in short shorts and a fitted v-neck girl-cut tee, and saw a girl point me out to her boyfriend.  He looked over, and I gave him a cute little wave and a big smile.  I like getting checked out... and I'm still amused when I'm checked out "for the wrong reason."

I drive a little pickup.  I'm above most cars, and level with most trucks, vans, etc.  Nobody seems to notice me when I'm driving, as they can only see my head & shoulders.

If you're wearing a skirt in a grocery store, people are browsing.  They're looking at (your clothes)-height for groceries, they're taking their time checking prices, and they'll stop a few seconds to look at anybody that passes by.  Grocery stores are the only place where I really feel people staring at me with disapproval.

[bchigdon10]

I've accepted who I am its other people is what I'm worried about or am I just being paranoid? Or cautious.

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[HoneyStrums]

I've accepted who I am its other people is what I'm worried about or am I just being paranoid? Or cautious.

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Some of it is definatelly paranoia , it goes like this, EVERYBODY that stared at me was staring because Im trans, Then A wolf whistle here, A nice ars there, Then I was able to think that maybe Some of those stares were "being checked out"

But untill I learned other wise I wasnt paranoid, it was everybody ells being an optamist. Since then however I've learned that an optamist is what a pecimist calls a normal person. Confidence will help you pass and at the very least make you less noticable in general. So a bit of caution isnt a bad thing, cuation fades as you grow acustomed to things, and taking precuations will help you fell more comfatable.

Cuation > Precuations > Comfort > confidence.

[Mariah]

Before going full time I wore a cap covering my bald spot and with other spots with descent length along with what I was wearing I was gendered female many a time at that point. They will notice eventualy and as Grace said just because they do doesn't mean that they realize your trans. Hugs
Mariah

I'm 5'8" tall I am growing my hair longer but I have a bald spot but if I wear a cap and earrings im almost passable. I think I am going to experiment with make up and eyeshadow next.
Hugs from Beverly

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[katrinaw]

Hi Beverly,

People will always look at people, but unless there's something standout, like a very bright colour or noisy kids, its just periphery looking, nothing really registers.

But again, if you do something for somebody, like pick up something they dropped, the event is captured in memory.

I am sure you'll be fine.

But always be aware of surroundings, which is true for any of us females.

Katy xx

[bchigdon10]

The reason I wanted to know was to do with Bruce Jenner s coming out I know I don't post nothing about ot but there are a couple of my friends that did.And I haven't posted anything about me being trans.

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[RavenL]

Well here's my experience with going out in public for over a month now.

The first time that I went out was to a little grocery store in the evening. No paid any attenation to me at all and just walked by me. After that I got braver and started shopping during the afternoon at a really busy store and if anything its super easy. Since most people are just looking to get in and out and preoccupied with their own lives. And so far I've been correctly gendered three times. One young child told his mother I was a really tall girl and she replied maybe I was basketball player. Another female told me I was very pretty and last week I got cat called. I mean I know I get looked at but now its from guys mostly checking out my legs more then anything.

Really the big thing in public is confidence and mannerisms. If you look like you belong and act like who you are no ones really going to pick up on it. They are going to look and see a woman and nothing else. But if you are giving off something like a wounded animal vibe people will pick up on it.

[Yenneffer]

I had a guy smiling at me today must of been 18

[bchigdon10]

Thanks for all the great advice been a big help.I guess the only place I will have a hard time is ar our local Wal-Mart mostly cause thats where my wife works at.Although she helps and lets me buy my clothes there.

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[bchigdon10]

Hi Beverly,

People will always look at people, but unless there's something standout, like a very bright colour or noisy kids, its just periphery looking, nothing really registers.

But again, if you do something for somebody, like pick up something they dropped, the event is captured in memory.

I am sure you'll be fine.

But always be aware of surroundings, which is true for any of us females.

Katy xx

Thanks that's what I try and tell my wife.i tell her I dont think people will notice me as long as I am myself.

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[Mariah]

It's true though. Most people are more worried about their own lives than to notice. Just go out and be you. I know it's scary at fist, but once you get a taste of it and see that the sky didn't fall in you won't book for long without doing it more often. Hugs
Mariah

Thanks that's what I try and tell my wife.i tell her I dont think people will notice me as long as I am myself.

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[Ofelia]

Absolutely. People will notice. But you will become more and more comfortable as time goes by. And in truth, it's not what other people notice but how you feel that is far more important.

It's also a little bit like the law of diminishing returns. The first time is always the hardest but from then on, it becomes exponentially easier to venture out into the world. So congratulate yourself on your achievements so far and enjoy the ease with which the next phase comes...

[bchigdon10]

It's true though. Most people are more worried about their own lives than to notice. Just go out and be you. I know it's scary at fist, but once you get a taste of it and see that the sky didn't fall in you won't book for long without doing it more often. Hugs
Mariah

Thanks Mariah I used to go to work in a dress with no problem I don't know what the difference is now than then.I was 30yrs then lately I have been keeping it at home or under my clothes. But I have beeb wearing dresses to my therapy sessions.
          Hugs from Beverly!

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