My boyfriend just came out to me

[initiallynervous]

My boyfriend of a month came out to me as trans a few days ago and I am still processing this. He has been seeing a therapist for two years, has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, and has been approved for HRT for over a year now. He cannot transition until he gets health insurance and is financially stable enough. I just want to support him as much as possible, but this is such a new relationship. Any advice as to how I can give him my full support?

[enigmaticrorschach]

hey there initiallynervous. a greeting from everyone's favorite elven angel. honestly, all i can say is communication is key. as far as indepth advice, i'm afraid i cant provide any. anyways, i hope to see you around

Here are some useful tips and information:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

i wish you all the best of luck

[amber roskamp]

Ok first is he a trans man(ftm)? Or is she a trans women (mtf)? Sorry, I ask because many SO's accidentally use the wrong pronouns just because that is the way you have seen that person since you knew them and up conceptualized them as their assigned gender. I think a good start is talk to your partner about pronouns, ask them start name they would like and refer to them by that name.

Try to use correct pronouns at all times, regardless of whether or not your partner is there.

I also hear a lot of trans people on here talk about how their partner tries to convince them they aren't trans when they first come out or shortly there after. I see that puts a lot of stress the trans folk that experience this so don't do that. Respect that your partner isn't doing this on a whim, know that many trans people pre transition have gender on their mind practically 24/7. Many of us have doubt about whether or not we are trans when we are first starting to transition. we are the most happy we are the most certain that we are trans. So try to affirm them and encourage them rather than make them doubt themself.

[jjheipz24]

Just like Amber said, don't try to make them doubt themselves about being trans. Honestly, the best thing you can do is express your full support and be there for them as you would any other matter. He probably won't expect you to understand what he's going through, but just knowing that you're there for him and accept him can do so much. It's such a difficult process and like Amber said, it's probably going to be on his mind 24/7. I know with my partner, when I'm going through dysphoria or just struggling with something regarding my gender, knowing she's by my side and loves me regardless of whatever happens makes this whole thing that much easier. Express your support/acceptance of him, use the correct pronouns and/or name, and just talk to him about what he's thinking.

[amber roskamp]

Also I hate that I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say,  because I am on the trans side of things, but if you can't handle the fact that ur partner is trans. It is ok to let them go. You don't have to be ashamed of that. I'm assuming that your partner is planning on transitioning to the gender that you aren't attracted to. If you lack sexual attraction it's kinda a big deal. There are also other things you can try if you want to keep the romantic aspects of the relationship in tact. Like poly relationships.

It would definitely help ur partner out, if you think you can tough out the relationship. your partner would definitely appreciate that. If you can't though don't even try. it's gonna be to hard on both of you if you go against your feelings on this.

It's takes some bravery  to make either of those decisions so good luck.

Also it's been awhile since ur original post. How are things going now?

[chris+-]

you need to be honest here. As it is a new relationship if you cant support him you need to let him know early. I hope you can

[JoanneB]

The one thing that has kept my wife and I together these past 6 years as I wrestle with the trans-beast has been the most times difficult, always brutally honest and open communications we make time to have. Sometimes even having to schedule them since brutal honesty is not a dump and run situation.

Brutally honest also, if not primarily, includes your internal dialog. Yes, having the T-Bomb dropped on you is a LOT to take in. This is true for about every SO. It was even true for my wife who knew for some 30+ years I had gender issues and even stuck around the house the days I needed my escapes from maleness. (And yes, I still get "I did not marry a woman". Which is totally fair of her to say and feel ). Same for your SO. Life in general is a balancing act, a constant juggling of often times conflicting needs and wants. A full social transition is not an easy undertaking by any means. In many ways it is even more difficult for an SO as they know they have the option to cut and run.

[SonadoraXVX]

First and foremost thing about ->-bleeped-<-, is to read and educate yourself about it, if you truly wish to learn what it is, and its etiology, or theories of it, and what types there are, so you can dispel myths about it. One book comes to mind, sort of like a bible for all things transgender, is  Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community Paperback  – June 10, 2014 by  Laura Erickson-Schroth (Editor), MD, MA, is a psychiatry resident at New York University Medical Center. I bought it, haven't had time to read it, but have paged it and the few articles I have read in it, seems very well formatted and researched.

FYI 

[JoanneB]

First and foremost thing about ->-bleeped-<-, is to read and educate yourself about it, if you truly wish to learn what it is, and its etiology, or theories of it, and what types there are, so you can dispel myths about it. One book comes to mind, sort of like a bible for all things transgender, is  Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community Paperback  – June 10, 2014 by  Laura Erickson-Schroth (Editor), MD, MA, is a psychiatry resident at New York University Medical Center. I bought it, haven't had time to read it, but have paged it and the few articles I have read in it, seems very well formatted and researched.

FYI 

My wife found this in the our "Village" library. It is a Great Book for a lay person as well as a great How-To guide for someone comming to the realization of what ain't just right in their life