Greetings

[Natalie_Danielle]

Hello I'm Lillith,

Lets see where to start.  I'm a TS that hasn't yet started transition, but want to VERY bad.
I'm 30 and live in NJ.
Married to a wonderful wife of 8 yrs, and we have a wonderful daughter.
I'm still working up the courage to tell my wife.  Dang it is hard to do.

I'm an Electrical/Computer Engineer and design electronic navigation systems.

Thats about all,  from what I can tell this is a great place and it looks like I'll be here for a while.


Lillith

[stephanie_craxford]

Hello Lilith,

Welcome to Susan's, as you have been posting here you will know your way around and it won't seem so strange, not that we are strange, well maybe I am (just a little).  Do take part in the forums, and don't be afraid to other your views on what may be being discussed.  All are welcome as long as they conform to the rules.  Explore the wiki as there's tons of information there.

...I'm still working up the courage to tell my wife.  Dang it is hard to do...

As for coming out to your wife and family, I would like to suggest that while it does take  courage to actually come out to them, the courage you will need is the courage to face the consequences should it not go well.

Be sure to read the topics on Coming Out found here Coming out of the Closet.  There you'll find good results and the not so good.

Chat later,

Steph

[Peggiann]

Hi Lilith,

I read and understand your concerns about having the courage to tell your wife. I'm the significant other of Leah both of us have and intro. posts and I have placed other topics that were request by other significant others, about life after finding out and also the stress living with the one who is secretly TS.

I guess this is never easy for anyone to say but here goes.

You and your wife and other significant people in your life that will be affected by your following the calling inner-voice you're hearing. You have to weigh what is more important to you, hiding it or sharing it. Hiding it is not good for you mentally and healthily. It's not good for your wife not to know what is what either. It's not healthy to serpress something as important as this, for you or her. My posts touch on this as it related to me. For everyone involved's respect for the trust that binds a relationship what ever type it may be warrants you mustering up that hard to find and difficult courage to share with them what will finally make other things in their knowing you make since is important.

If it doesn't go the way one would hope, as I've read here happens more often than not. The sooner you do show respects for that trust in your relationship the sooner life can move forward. Marking time is not good, and more devastating to everyone in the long run.

Education of what it is you are really saying can be found here at Susan's Place for those you share this deep secret with. Once educated on what exactly it is in relationship to you as a person and them as people in your life and just where do they fit in, hurt feelings and loving you and letting you continue in their lives is easier I think. At least it is that way for me.

To what level of transition are you contemplating? After transition what is you plans.

Welcome here to Susan's and if you don't yet know the answer to these and many other questions you'll face you will have the opportunity to explore and find the answers you seek. Maybe even some to things you haven't even thought of yet. Your evolution may go slowly or rapidly everyone is different it would appear from reading and educating myself here.

You took the first bold step. It's ok if the next are smaller ones just keep stepping though. No one here is judging you. We are all freindly and sypathic to everyone's indiviual journey.

Peggiann

[Leah]

What are your TS orientations? After transition and how far of transition are you contimplating? Attractions? ect.

I and my wife are just working through this maze too. We would be willling to share and discuss with you and your wife if it will help out at all.

Welcome to a freindly place to grow and explore.

Leah

[edit] Please do not ask people to contact you off site.[/edit]

[Cassandra]

Hi Lillith,

Welcome to Susan's. The first steps are always the hardest. I'm sure coming here and posting was not easy. Telling your wife will be a tough one and you must be prepared to loose everything. It is not a certainty but it is a probability especially if she finds out on her own. Keep your web browser history cleaned out. Failure to do so is a good way for her to find out before you are ready to tell her.

You may wish to seek counseling from a therapist who specialises in GID. They will help you sort out were you are on the spectrum and can provide helpful advice on telling your spouse. If you do transition you will need one anyway so it's just one step in the process and probably one of the most important ones.

We will offer all the help and advice we can. There are many resources here so make good use of them. So fix yourself a cup of tea, or other relaxing beverage, sit down, take your shoes off and set a spell.

Good Journey,

Cassie

[Natalie_Danielle]

thanks everyone for the warm welcome.

Lets see,  to answer some of the questions.
Leah, I see myself going all the way to SRS. As for attractions, well my wife is still my one and only interest, I don't see it changing.

PeggiAnn, as stated above, I want to go all the way to SRS,  After, I just want to settle into a nice quite fulfilling life, hopefully with my wife still at my side.

Cassandra, don't worry, the web cache and history are THOROUGHLY cleaned after every browsing session. It also helps that we each have seperate computers and she almost never touches mine.  And actually coming here was quite easy, you all just made it so very welcoming and friendly that it wasn't all that difficult to talk about.

So now I'm off to shed my girl things and get ready for work tomorrow  
I so hate going back to guy mode after 5 wonderful days as Lillith.  In case you are wondering, my wife had to go to her mom's for Christmas, so I have been "home alone". Her grandma is very sick and I couldn't go with her do to having ZERO vacation time.

[DawnL]

Lilith,

Welcome to Susan's. 

If you proceed with your transition, it will change your life in ways you can't possibly imagine, and for the worst in most cases.  Almost no one will react the way you expect and you may lose many people dear to you in the process.  For most of us, the ideal is to remain with the person we are with (spouse, partner, whatever) but for most people that does not happen.

Even if you have a clear sense of what you are doing, you will need help in transition.  This help should come from a gender specialist who can help you determine whether transition is right for you and then help you do it in a non-destructive manner.  Coming out is NOT easy.  Take your time and get help along the way. 

I am one of the lucky ones, my partner has stayed with me, but our relationship is non-sexual and that will not change.  Make sure you are prepared for the consequences of your disclosure.

Dawn

[Shelley]

Welcome to Susan's Lilith,

Congratulations on finding us I think you will find your time here very enjoyable and informative.

Keep your web browser history cleaned out. Failure to do so is a good way for her to find out before you are ready to tell her.

This was how I literally came unstuck a few months ago and had to deal with the feelings of mistrust on my wifes part because if I could hide something so significant I must be able to hide just about anything. This led to some very difficult times that have only recently been resolved.

Whatever direction your journey takes you however I wish you the best and look forward to your participation in our discussions.

Shelley