not a good day

[Laurie K]

 Over the years and since their teens, my two daughters have known I dress, but never seen me.  I did that out of respect for them, and probably out of fear of leaving the closet. Fast forward 20 years I started to transition and hrt. I've laid subtle hints to them that I wanted to do girly things with them ,like shop and nails to a cold shoulder. We started to have a dinner every couple of weeks, just my kids grand kids,  and my wife. (no husbands or boyfriends).  My motivation was to get closer to then let them know I really loved them and to slowly let them know about my plans moving forward.

Last weekend we went for our dinner I wore female jeans boys top and female jacket.  One daughter said nothing, the other asked me why i was wearing womens jeans and jacket. I told her that i felt comfortable, and like the fit .

Yesterday we were over at her place(me and her mom)> I happily suggested that we all go for a pedicure. I was met with a very cold not likely and shallow head shake. I just brushed it off and our conversation moved on .

  I later went out with a friend, while  her mom and her had a a visit with each other. Upon arriving home after my outing  I asked how her visit was, and asked If I was was brought up.
(cuz i knew I was). I was told she said that I am her dad not her mom and that the only image she want to see is her dad.

Upon hearing that, I was and still am devastated.  All of the stinking thoughts  came , death, quit transition, anger at her  for being narrow minded and me for wishing I was different.

  This morning is a new day. I look for solutions to my malady. I think that the time is near that we sit dawn and all talk as a  family  about my plans I need to get my story across and I need to hear theirs, not easy for both. To this point I have done little counselling. I have no doubt of who I am, but think I may start so I can deal with how I continue my journey  with or with out my family. I cant go back to being unhappy and miserable.  Any support or experience is greatly appreciated.  Thanx in advance.

[ChiGirl]

No advice here, as I have a 14 yo daughter who's struggling, too.  Stay strong and be yourself.  They may not change, but you need to be true to yourself.  Good luck and hugs. Remember you are not alone.

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[LordKAT]

A therapist may be able to help your daughters to understand what it is you live with. Maybe see one for a bit and ask them to go with you to a session.

[CarlyMcx]

Maybe the timing is just not right to ask your daughters to go for a pedicure.  Like it or not, family members need time to adjust.

Try this thought exercise:  Suppose that instead of GD, you contracted some form of cancer, had to go through surgery, chemo and radiation, and the cancer and the treatments caused major changes to your body.  You lost your muscles, you lost your hair, the chemo and radiation made you sterile, destroyed your testosterone, whatever.

GD is a medical condition, and it is one whose treatment causes major changes to your body.

On the one hand, your children are entitled to grieve the loss of the dad they knew and remembered.  But on the other hand, you are due all of the sympathy and consideration any cancer patient is, from them.

At the end of the day, it is your life and your body.  You stayed in the closet while you raised them to adulthood.  You made sacrifices for them.  The rest of your life should be for you, and rightly so.

[Laurie K]

Thanx for you help, so well put they are slowly coming around .... i dont expect things to get better over night .Progress is progress