So I'm not really non-binary, although I notice I talk less than most cis females, I don't always have the maternal instinct although I do at times and it can be painful sometimes, and can be a little emotionally distant sometimes (I'm not unemotional, I'm often highly emotional, but don't always express it around cis people who don't know me in an extremely feminine way, and its more like I am in another place than people in the room). I sometimes wonder if I was meant to be some kind of third gender, who needs a female body but has a mix of emotional attributes at the time. I am pre-HRT. It would be so much easier just to be a cis-female for me, but maybe I have to learn how to integrate certain masculine aspects which I have learned and some interests which have no gender to them but are stereotypical masculine into my life. I'm not really a third gender but sometimes it feels like living a male for 24 years, and then spending the remainder in denial and currently the closet leaves its mark on the personality. I kind of want some advice hear on dealing with masculine aspects of personality, even though I feel I was meant to be a female, but don't completely hate every experience I had growing up male, just the highly gendered ones (I could go on and on about locker rooms). Part of this is that i can relate to many females in my life but cannot relate to my mother and I can talk about stuff with my father but can identify less with his masculinity aspect than I can with my mother as a whole. Sorry to go to Freud-Land.
