I got outed at work!

[iKate]

Hi Raven,

The meeting is a good idea. But a small suggestion, don't be present for it. This way people are free to ask questions without you there. There won't be 100% acceptance but at least the company will know where people stand. And people will know where the company stands.

In the end no one can stop you but it's good to let people get accustomed first. The fact that they outed you makes that somewhat difficult but you can still do it.

[Promethea]

It's weird that they won't announce it. That's how most large companies seem to handle transition. But whatever, one way or the other you're doing it and you know you have their support.

You will face resistance. That's a given, now or in a few months. And you will get stares and maybe more from customers. Waiting won't help, it will probably make it worse for you. You just have to learn how not to let it get to you. I work facing customers too, in the bible belt of a country that is itself a bible belt. At first it brought me down into depression, but I managed to come out of it. I know who I am and what I am, and so do the people that matter in my life.

Having support from your employers will be really good for the time you're figuring out how to face the world as a woman. We're here too.

Hugs!

[iKate]

It's weird that they won't announce it. That's how most large companies seem to handle transition.

I work for a large, multinational company and HR told me they wouldn't announce it. Even my VP had planned an email but when he talked to another director he told me he would just hold a meeting with close staff and he'd inform the other directors and VPs. Some people didn't even know. Some called me by my old name then I had to correct them.

However, I think it has been better than juts a blanket email, saying (essentially), "Your colleague is undergoing gender transition, her new name is Kate and she identifies as female, here's the anti discrimination policy, and please do your best to behave." 

Not for nothing I did not want to be outed to the whole company. There are people around here I don't interact with on a daily basis and I am introduced to them as Kate for the first time. It's quite good because they will treat you like a person and not worry about trans status.

[RavenL]

I guess today is going to be a test of my willpower. I have a good feeling that I'm not going to face a lot of trouble since the people I'll be talking to know me and like me already. And even if they don't like it they are still going to have to respect me as a person and my position of authority. I imagine the first five or six people its going to be kind of hard but will get easier down the line. Its weird but the one person I'm worried about is one supervisor that is openly gay. I know its silly but I don't want to come across as threatening his space since he hangs out females exclusively. I don't know if anything it might be alright letting my coworkers know in person it gives me some one on one time. Plus now not the entire work needs to know like cashiers which is like fifty people right there! But I'm sure it will fix itself today once I start talking. 

As for not having the meeting I still can't figure it out. I think the market office is just covering itself by not looking like they are forcing me to do this. Since I am the only trans person that has come out at my work.

And Prometha, After finding out my new job duties last night I'm not that worried about customers as I was. Since I am going to be doing so much that I'll hardly be in one spot at all. Another good thing since I have worked in the back of the building for over a year even customers that are regulars don't know me. One good thing I've learned is that New Mexico is really tolerant towards people and there's not a lot of super religious types here. 

[Dena]

Hello neighbor, New Mexico is just next door You are right about New Mexico being a very liberal state though most of the country is now pretty open on gender issues.

For the gay supervisor I suggest you try to find some time for a one on one conversation. I suspect he will be accepting but you may need to build a little friendship between the two of you. I have never had issues with gay people but I know there are a few out there with issues. The worst are the female feminist type and I have only encountered one on the internet.

With a really large company, a meeting is impractically. If anyone has issues with you they will take it up with their boss or HR. In either case, if you need to be involved, I am sure they will pull you into the loop. For now it's best that only the people who work close to you know what is happening and you may find a fair portion of the company will not know of your history or care to know.

Know how much of your story you are willing to tell and under what conditions. Let the others know you are easy to talk with and willing to be helpful. People will come to you with questions but you may be surprised to find many people aren't interested in knowing more and will accept you whoever you are.

[Jessie Ann]

Once I had made the decision to transition I went around the floor where I worked and tried to personally speak with all of my co-workers to let them know what I was doing. It allowed them an opportunity to ask me questions in private and to get an idea of what I had been going through all my life. I think that they liked the fact that I took the time to personally speak with them.

Good luck today!!

[iKate]

One of my most supportive allies at work is openly flaming, thermo-nuclear high definition gay. He's built like a tank and he's not afraid to let people know that he's queer and he's here.

Initially I thought he'd not accept, but he did exactly the opposite. He's affirmed me to no end and always offered an ear to listen to my problems. A true friend and ally.

It's too bad he's gay, cause he's cute!

[RavenL]

Dena, I admit before everything came up I never knew how liberal New Mexico was but now wow I actually like it here! I wa already kind of planning to have a one on one with all my supervisors today since I think all of them are working today if not Friday. And also the workers that will be under them as well. There's one guy that's  going to be kind of hard for me since a long time ago we had an openly gay manager and I know he hated him. But you know people can change and actually be fine with it so fingers crossed! I might find it to be easy since right now I kind of feel like its an open secret since some of the females have been acting nicer towards me since last week.

Jessie you and Dena have given me really great advice. I was kind of planning just to let my workers know and if they had any questions feel free to ask and not to be afraid of me or anything. And that I'm very friendly and have a great personality.

iKate that's great what happend for you!

[Promethea]

The worst are the female feminist type and I have only encountered one on the internet.

I think you may be talking about the TERFs, or trans exclusionary radical feminists, who of course don't want to be called that, they say they're just radical feminists but that is not fair for the majority of radical feminists that don't feel the same way.

Most of my cis female friends are feminists, a lot of them could be described as radical, and I even participate in a feminist organisation where I know I'm not the only trans woman. And well, here I am.

[Valkyrie_2]

One of the many reasons I won't touch Facebook

[Dena]

One of the many reasons I won't touch Facebook

I don't either, I encountered her posting on a famous conservative website adding some light to a poorly written item on transsexualism. Did I ever tell you I was a glutton for punishment? 

She had the gall to call me a transexual. Me being post surgical 33 years. I have no intention of changing my sex again! 

[RavenL]

Well I was going to take a few minutes and walk the floor and let people know. But my shift manager is on a power
trip this week and told me to do it on lunch and break.  Well when life gives you lemons make lemonade. So I've let seven people know so far and the response has been positive.

Edit two more people out of the way. One guy really didn't understand it but has no problem. The other guys Jae dropped the floor but is looking forward to the new me.

And let another guy know. He was completely fine with it. And said before he dated a MtF.

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[RavenL]

This is it my last day presenting as male. Right now I'm not as nervous as I thought I'd be, of course still have three hours before work. I'm just going to let as many people as possible know today and leave it at that. And the news will spread on its on and take care of itself.

[awilliams1701]

For me going full time was huge. There were some issues initially (bathroom related), but its all worked out. I started with a requirement to put up a magnet on the door (I chose a butterfly) to let people know I was in there. I only did it for two weeks before refusing. I've never had any complaints. Its been almost a year for me. The problems went away when people realized I was just in there to pee. Pretty much everyone calls me Ashley now.

I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me.

[Dena]

Relax and good luck. You will make it work.

[RavenL]

For me going full time was huge. There were some issues initially (bathroom related), but its all worked out. I started with a requirement to put up a magnet on the door (I chose a butterfly) to let people know I was in there. I only did it for two weeks before refusing. I've never had any complaints. Its been almost a year for me. The problems went away when people realized I was just in there to pee. Pretty much everyone calls me Ashley now.

I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me.

I might as well spill the beans where I do work. Its actually Wal-Mart and I'm surprised how supportive they are. It really helps that in 2012 I believe they passed a new policy with pretty much zero tolerance towards discrimination against  transgender employees. At first I was told I couldn't use the bathroom but I did some research and the policy states I can. Went in the next morning to tell management and they did their homework also and realized I could. Right now I'm not comfortable with using it so I'm going to use the family single stall. But I'm pretty much going to have to face my fears pretty quickly. Since the family restroom and stalls in the back of the building are locked at night after 10PM to prevent theft. So like it or not I'll have to use the front restroom. 

[Dena]

I might as well spill the beans where I do work. Its actually Wal-Mart and I'm surprised how supportive they are. It really helps that in 2012 I believe they passed a new policy with pretty much zero tolerance towards discrimination against  transgender employees. At first I was told I couldn't use the bathroom but I did some research and the policy states I can. Went in the next morning to tell management and they did their homework also and realized I could. Right now I'm not comfortable with using it so I'm going to use the family single stall. But I'm pretty much going to have to face my fears pretty quickly. Since the family restroom and stalls in the back of the building are locked at night after 10PM to prevent theft. So like it or not I'll have to use the front restroom.

I suspected it might be something like Wal-Mart but I wasn't anywhere sure. In any case, if there are other restrooms, you might confine yourself to one and let the others know that's the one you will use. If they are uncomfortable with you, they will know they can safely use the other restrooms. On the other hand, sometimes women are very accepting and they won't mind sharing a rest room with you. After all, the toilets are enclosed unlike some of the fixtures in the male restroom.

[awilliams1701]

I'm very familiar to many of the employees at the Walmart I work at. They've all been very supportive. However to this day I've only used the bathroom in public while not at work twice both times were while I was on my way to my Endo. At work I don't even think about it anymore. In public because its so rare, I'm still a little conscious about it.

[RavenL]

Well I've let six more people know and five out of the six already knew. So I'm really not worried at this point and all of them have been super nice.

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[iKate]

Bathrooms are zero issues for me. I've used women's bathrooms in four states and two countries. I just don't give a flying flip. I walk in like I belong there because I do. I've encountered zero resistance. I used to feel nervous but I'm just there to do my business. At work a colleague offered to go with me and she did once but the day after I went full time. She didn't need to. I go in the restrooms and my female colleagues would say hi and chat it up. The cleaning person was in there one time and she didn't even give me a second look. Guests who I've never met before have encountered me in the restroom without incident.

As for my local Wal*Marts, they kinda know me but have said absolutely nothing. I get my HRT scrips filled there. I get carded for super glue and ammo but now my ID says female. Even with male they didn't even care or say anything even when I was wearing a dress and had makeup on.