Okay so I currently identify as a genderfluid demiguy and am an AFAB. I'm out to everyone and am considering transitioning by going on T.
However, I'm still having internal conflicts. I've never felt like a girl, but I don't feel fully like a guy either. It fluctuates between feeling agender and very masculine (sometimes at the same time). I present as male (wearing guy's clothes, extremely short hair, very muscular body, etc.), and I've asked people to use masculine and/or neutral pronouns and terms when addressing me. But fact that I don't feel fully like a guy makes me wonder if I'm just a butch.
This is really hard for me to explain, but I guess I just never associated myself with what society sees as being things that girls are "supposed" to do, like, behave, etc. and I've never felt like all the other girls I've surrounded myself with. I've always connected more with what society sees as masculine. I think this is what is causing me a lot of conflict because it's making me question whether or not I actually am a guy or if I'm still a girl but just like expressing myself in a stereotypical masculine way like butches. For years I was trying to conform to what society thought girls should be, but it always felt wrong. But now, it's like I feel like the way I think, act, and socialize is not how a guy typically does... but it's not how a girl does either. Ugh. My mind is going in circles and I feel like I can't explain this very well.
I guess now I'm just confused because I don't know if what I've been feeling my whole life is from actually being a guy inside or if it's just from not having the typical attributes associated with being a girl
