You are not a man!!

[jossef-ftm]

i'm writing this and i'm so so so angry, ok i'm a peaceful guy i don't have friends and i don't like people in general i love to be alone, anyway, before 3 days i was out with my mom to buy some things and we passed from a market and they were so many people there i can't move from my place and i was about to faint cause everyone was push everyone i cant even breath well anyway they were two women front of me and mom and behind me it was a guy he is like 24 or 26 i  guess anyway they were pushing me and i kinda fall on the woman front of me and that guy thought i was touching her or something (i pass as a man 1000% outside) and he satarted to screaming on my face and told me fight me if u r a man and he wanted to fight me we were pushing each other and people were screaming , i was just staring at his stupid face and i didn't respond to him cause my voice don't pass and i didn't want him to know the truth that was so embarassing i wanted to punch him i was so anggry anyway people thought i was scared and  the worse thing is mom come betwen us and she was trying to tell him the truth i didnt want her too he keep screaming then he go away ...anyway ,when we back home mom told everyone we know about the fight and that  i was standing in my place and it was kinda trying to tell me like u r not a man u was scared and that make me so angry and i regret that i just stand in my place i wish if i stub him or something ,i was in fights like this all my life i even fought with knifes before and i thougt i need to grow up and i will not face that sh** again but it seems fights keep following me everywhere i go and  i feel like every person here is testing me and even push me to fight them so they tell me  u r not a man u can't fight,and they so provocative ,my sis now when i scream to her she told me dont be a man on me why u dont fight the one was screaming on u or u just know how to be a man on women,i'm o ->-bleeped-<-ing angry and i know that i dont need to prove no one how man i'm but i have a big dezire to stub any motherf**** just so they shut there f** mounths i feel they don't respect me no more and they keep telling stuffs to make me angry and to tell me u r weak, today on dinner table mom was talking a bout a woman that punch a man on the police office and she was like she's just a woman but she so brave just to make me angry i feel like i will do a crime i'm so peaceful but here in this illitrate country they just cant leave u in peace ,do u thing ii acted wrong when i was just staring at that mothef***? would u do the same thing?!and how i can make them respect me again!!!

[Ms Grace]

Can I just say to you that by not fighting or responding to that aggressive idiot you proved yourself to be a hundred times more the man (and person) than he will ever be. Being a man isn't about macho posturing and you have nothing to prove about your masculinity to ->-bleeped-<-s like that or to anyone else.

[jossef-ftm]

Ms Grace thank you for the answer the thing is here is not like usa,here a man supposed to fight and people must fear him and in some cities here if a man never go to jail in his life he is not a man for them,and you must prove you are a real man.. i can remember a day i wear a purple shirt and they were laughing and calling me names it wasn't even pink it was dark purple and they always be like oh look the one want to be a man can't even do that or that as i said they keep testing me!

[Ms Grace]

Just remember, you are always at choice not to be coerced into gender conformity bullying. Australia is just as bad with the macho stuff and although there were a few times in my pre-transition where other men tried to pick a fight with me I stood my ground, said nothing and avoided a punch up. I didn't care what they thought of me. And yes, technically as a M2F I wasn't interested in trying to stake a claim to being a man, but to me it had more to do with remaining true to my personal principles than gender.

[tjack77]

jossef,  remember there are many different type of men out there, you do not have to become the type of man your mom or you sister thinks a man should be.  You become the man you believe you are!  What happen to you sucks, but you need to defend yourself somehow.  Doesn't mean that you need to fight him at the moment, maybe you can say something like "dude, if u have a problem, let's call the cops?"  Most guys that are aggressive and wants to fight will back off.  A lot of people, men and women, think about colour associates with gender, thus, pink and purple = girly, black, grey, blue = manly.  But guess what?  I love wearing my hot pink colour polos and pass very well in them.  One time this jerk at my old job (before I came out) was giving me a shot at that hot pink colour saying it's so girly, I told him he's just jealous because he couldn't make hot pink look good!  People like to press your buttons because they think it's fun to see others pissed off, it's a form of bullying.  To handle this situation, just don't show them that your agitated, they'll stop. 

[jossef-ftm]

Ms Grace i know i have a choice the thing is you are a woman you can act however you want and you can fear and all that it will always look normal cause in the end its the female nature but me it's a different story and i always have to hear that sh** about (you can't even fight how you will protect your woman or your family) even my ex gf i feel she was testing me always when we are out she try to start a fight with someone to see how i will act i feel like i'm a experiences rat and everyone try to test things on me,i always fought for them always protected them and still ready to fight ..the thing is they always see me win they always see me the strongest person that don't make mistakes those people think i'm superman who have magical powers to save the world from evil,and the best one of them can't even take a punch i didn't even lose the fight i was try to avoid that mothrf** so he dont know the truth about me being a trans especially that i'm in a country that still give death penalty to lgbt people but all this they dont understand it they just wanna see me punch people faces and fight like an animal and myb jump from jail to jail so they be proud i dont understand.

[jossef-ftm]

tjack77 thnx for the answer bro but about what you said (let's call the cops) those people don't care about cops we are not in the u.s.a as i said most of men here used to go to jail and it become like if they going there home,and most of those kind of people holding knifes with them everywhere they go this is how things going here the thing is most of the time i dont hold nothing with me cause i'm sure if i do i will use it and i don't wanna be a criminal i don't want to be one of them i feel this country try to make me someone i'm not!

[RaptorChops]

Jossef, You are being a much better man than this hulking gorilla. He obviously has issues if he thinks it's necessary to scream and push you.

Back before I started T, I dressed in typical male clothing since that was always what I felt comfortable in. I was skinny and about 115-120lbs. I went to a show with my best friend and his girlfriend, she brought along one of her coworkers. We were watching the show and this guy kept turning around and making kissey faces at me. I ignored it and the girl (friends coworker) told me that he was bugging her all night too. Anyways, he ended up turning around and walked right up into me and got in my face and was going in to kiss me.

I stepped back, pulled my arm back and clocked him right in his stupid face. I knocked him out on the floor and busted up his nose. He apparently was being a di** anyways, and they threw him out of the show. That was the first time I ever hit anyone and defended myself.

If I would have been in your situation if that guy put his hands on me..he would of been on the ground. But that's just me.. I know violence isn't the answer but you have the right to defend yourself. But, you are lucky you DID NOT PUNCH him because you could of been hauled away by the police and charged with assault even if you were defending yourself.

[Maleth]

Jossef, I think that the mentality of the people that think being a "real man" is getting into fights and jail.. well, that is not valid at all and maybe since it's part of the culture of where you live it's hard to avoid it, but I will tell you that you are the better person in that situation 100% because you didn't fight back physically. I don't know why the guy would want to pick a fight with you over something he assumed, it seems very childlike of him and you definitely did not do anything wrong. It's not right at all for people to bully you and tell you that you're not a real man because you don't conform to the gender expectations in your country. I think that you should just continue being you and only defend yourself in case of self-defense (it's self-defense once they start to attack you so at that point i'd just say to defend yourself)! But as I said earlier you are strong for not fighting back and most of the time it's better not to get into a fight because that can get you into trouble with the law.

[Yenneffer]

Hugs your the strong silent type well done you handled it well

[Kova V]

Hmm, I'm not sure what the culture is like where you live but in the US, going shopping with your mother is asking to be embarrassed. It's her job as a parent to embarrass you. 

On the bright side, you definitely passed. He was threatened so he challenged you to a fight. The whole point of him saying that was to goad you into fighting him.

[HoneyStrums]

Did he hit you?
My guess is he ddnt, because he wanted you to hit him first.

If he did hit you, would you hit him back?
And would you just stand there if he was screaming at your mom?
You say you wanted to hit him, why didnt you?

You didnt run, thats a good thing.
you got angry thats a good thing.

and i think, you wanted hm to hit you first, so you could beat him
just like he wanted you to hit him first, so he could beat you.

Im glad you didnt hit him, that would give him what he wanted.

[jossef-ftm]

ButterflyVickster : trust me if he hit me he would be dead now
and yes i was waiting him to hit me so i will smash his stupid face, i coulnd't move from my place cause they were so many people there i couldn't even breath well, and i'm sure if i hit him he would falll on the ground and act like if he is dying cause i was in fights like this before and once they feel weak or they will gonna lose they act this way and i'm sure he would do the same if i started the fight so the police come and take me and also i didn't do nothing cause my mom was alone there and i dind't want to let her between them alone.i thought about so many thing before i act .

[RaptorChops]

You are very smart for thinking about your actions before acting upon them. To me that's a smart man in my book. Have you ever thought about maybe taking a boxing or MMA class? Or maybe just getting your own equipment at home to knock around when you're feeling angy? It might help, it did for me.

[Evolving Beauty]

OMG you reminded me of myself 5 years ago but in a reverse. So when I was bullied and attacked by other men for on streets for being a '->-bleeped-<-g*t' and ->-bleeped-<- as they say, I was suppose to behave girlwise i needed to ignore or cry and not to fightback just to be 'womanlike' then came a point I got fed up I started spraying them with tear gas or swearing at them lol.

Anyways, coming to you, being a 'real' man man doesn't necessarily mean you need to beat the ->-bleeped-<- out of them always and fight physically just to show ur virility and manlihood. Believe me there are many men out there and real ones who would tackle the situation some other ways as speaking to them diplomatically. The issue is your voice but be patient boy, ur voice will soon change with T. Give time, all will be fine...

[jossef-ftm]

RaptorChops: thnx for the reply bro and i'm already an mma fighter from 7 years also i do crossfit.

[RaptorChops]

haha damn dude you're good then! Just keep thinking about that dudes face when you throw a couple jabs

[vagabondesire]

I think no one should tell you how to behave. You are a man, even when people don't think of you as one, because for me, you are what you feel like and Im not a transfolk. I think at that time you were just thinking on how to react and things just got out of hand too fast for you to think it through. I seriously think you are really brave for choosing to change your behavior and stop fighting. And at the end, I don't think you have to physically fight, but you do have to stand up to your family and let them know that others' opinions don't define your gender, how you feel does.


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[Arch]

Oh, Jossef, I wish you could find a happier place to live.

[Maleth]

RaptorChops: thnx for the reply bro and i'm already an mma fighter from 7 years also i do crossfit.

It's great that you do MMA!! Not only can you defend yourself, but the combination of MMA and crossfit is great for fitness. 

Keep your chin up, Jossef!