how much does it really bother you not being cis

[Jean24]

I hear everyone on the whole "I wouldn't be who I was if I was cis" front. But for me, I've had to suffer through a host of mental illnesses that came around purely as a result of the gender incongruence. In that regard, I can easily say it wouldn't be a choice for me to be cis. The pros of growing up trans don't outway the cons for me. Maybe it's easier for others to deal with it but I think it about it pretty frequently, as someone who has had to make frequent use of mental healthcare (and often not the understanding kind).

I know how you feel. It makes you tougher in some respects, probably more compassionate in many cases as well. I'd still rather be cis and have a whole lot less of a hassle. On the other hand I wouldn't be as motivated, and would be more content with being an average person with a nice job. Recently I felt motivated enough to solve trans problems that I decided on a new career path in medical science.

[bibilinda]

The body can be partly fixed. Surgeons, hair removal, voice training,and HRT can fix a lot of things, but they cannot take back everything.

I chose the 1st option. In fact it bothers me EVEN MORE than the 1st option's description! I'd say: It is driving me completely insane. I am really beginning to lose my mind over it.

I am quoting Rachel's  comment because it expresses what is a very sad reality for many of us:
In this day an age, those who can afford to pay the very expensive MTF-catering surgeons and technicians (FFS, VFS, SRS, body surgeries just as BA and so many others, electrolysis, even personal fashion and style assistants and makeup artists and hairdressers) are the ones who are succeeding. Just look at any trans celebrity, what would they look like if they couldn't afford all those things like many of us just can't? Did you watch Caitlyn's hairdo at the event where she told the audience that people should accept others as they are? Do you think just any regular Jane would be able to afford such a hairdo?

Some of us are stuck in a catch-22 situation that goes like this:

I cannot get work to be able to finance the required surgeries because 1) I just can't and won't do it presenting as a so-called male 2) Even if I tried to do that illogical thing, they wouldn't hire me, because even before starting transition I looked too weird to be hired as a "male" and almost nobody wanted to hire me, so now I look just beyond weird, it is practically impossible for me to be even taken seriously in a job interview.

I would need the forehead and jaw surgery at the very least, to feel confident enough to look for a job as a woman in person (I am also anti-social by nature to boot, any place with more than three people together makes me feel really nervous and I start sweating and panicking), and actually be credible. And my voice also sucks, but I am not sure how effective VFS would be for me, since my problem isn't pitch at all, it is 100% resonance-related and from what I've heard, this surgery at its current state, is way more focused on raising the pitch than altering one's resonance and getting rid of those nasty male under/over tones.

So I cannot get the surgeries I need because I can't pay for them, and I can't make the money to pay for them because I just can't work as an in-between person, in a job market where one has to clearly be either a man or a woman.

Bottom line, not being cis totally sucks for me and what I mentioned is only the tip of the iceberg, there's tons of other issues, because what surgery can do is very limited (what about hands, feet, ribcage, height, bone structure, muscle shape and size?) not to mention the past, one can never mention one's past as a so-called "girl" because it would have to be an elaborate string of lies that one could never prove anyways. Not to mention having a cute and hot-looking kid sister, and an older one, the first just married, the 2nd married and with kids already.

But that's just me. For all those who feel OK by not having been born cis, more power to you, I wish I had the same mindset and positive attitude as yours. I really do, for real. Then I surely wouldn't need my BF to uplift my spirits on a daily basis as well as taking anti-depressants and almost never going out for fear of getting stared at or god forbid, even confused for a man!

Cheers

Bibi B.

[iKate]

It bothers me to an extreme. I will never know what it is like to carry a child and that bothers me.

[Sandra_V]

I tolerated being a man for 25 years, now i accept being a trans women. But i will always wish to bi cis

[suzifrommd]

It bothers me to an extreme. I will never know what it is like to carry a child and that bothers me.

I hate that, too. I feel like that's a piece of womanhood I'll never be able to be part of.

Thought that's really not about being trans. There are a lot of cis women who will never carry a child for all sorts of reasons. It's more about being infertile. There are a lot of reasons why women are infertile. Being trans is just one of them.

[iKate]

I hate that, too. I feel like that's a piece of womanhood I'll never be able to be part of.

Thought that's really not about being trans. There are a lot of cis women who will never carry a child for all sorts of reasons. It's more about being infertile. There are a lot of reasons why women are infertile. Being trans is just one of them.

That is true, but I have three young children and the attachment to them is very intense. I was there throughout the entire pregnancy, watching them move and progress and I was there every day in the NICU for a whole month. I held my cousin's three week old baby the other day and the feeling of magic just came back. That new baby smell (not diapers!) for example.

My kids absolutely enjoy being close to me. They sit not only next to me but must cozy up right next to me when I'm sitting anywhere. They are that close to me.

And this feeling of closeness to my children and children in general has grown significantly since I started transition. I mean like literally a thousand times. Could be the E, could be other things.  I feel later on I may adopt as a result.

[Dena]

I have lived about half my life in each role and my viewpoint has changed over time. Before SRS I really wanted to be a CIS woman and would have given almost anything to be one. Sometime after surgery and I am not sure when because I haven't thought much about it for a long time, my attitude has changed. Yes, I still want children in my life and it would have been nice to have developed socially as a girl instead of trying to do it at age 63, but all those memories that I would lose with a CIS life style have become to valuable to lose. If the devil offered me a CIS style now, I would pass on the offer without a moment of thought. I have become a far better person as the result of a hard life than I ever would have become with a life with everything and I like what I have become.

[stephaniec]

I have lived about half my life in each role and my viewpoint has changed over time. Before SRS I really wanted to be a CIS woman and would have given almost anything to be one. Sometime after surgery and I am not sure when because I haven't thought much about it for a long time, my attitude has changed. Yes, I still want children in my life and it would have been nice to have developed socially as a girl instead of trying to do it at age 63, but all those memories that I would lose with a CIS life style have become to valuable to lose. If the devil offered me a CIS style now, I would pass on the offer without a moment of thought. I have become a far better person as the result of a hard life than I ever would have become with a life with everything and I like what I have become.

yea, I like who I am

[Christine Eryn]

Zero percent. It used to be a thing before I transitioned but I accepted myself and was no longer in denial. Now after a week of my FFS procedure, I know sooner than later I'll be more confident with a more feminine face so not being cis is even less of a concern.

[Jacqueline]

I don't know if I thought of it in that way until the last 6 months or so.

I now know that I was pretty depressed a lot of the time. I am sure there are multiple reasons but I feel dysphoria is at the root of much of it. I think I felt like Dee suggested that I did a bad job of being a male.

I am coping better and forget for hours at a time. However, not on hormones yet, I feel I cannot really answer some of poll questions accurately.

Joanna

[Dee Marshall]

Joanna, realizing that I'm trans was such a relief! Much of my depression and dysphoria went on hold with that realization. I didn't even worry overmuch about having to tell people. For a month or two after I started HRT I lived in such euphoria! Some things, not trans related, went wrong about then and those, coupled with my spouses difficulty believing, have made the last many months a bit tougher. I've been on HRT for almost 11 months now. The outside issues have cleared up, not entirely to my satisfaction. My spouse has begun to believe although it still disturbs her. I made the mistake for much of that time of trying to ease her mind, making promises it's impossible to keep. In many ways it's like ripping off a bandaid. Going very slowly benefits no one. I've had to be quite firm at times and that's not something that comes naturally to me. I don't know that your trials will be much like mine. I know little about you. All I can suggest is to be strong and know that you can get through and we're all here to help. It's a hard road, but very rewarding, and it's the only road available to most of us.

[Stephanie G]

I don't know how to answer this, like it bothers me in the sense of having to go through all this not being able to have kids, dealing without people's negative viewpoints etc etc. Though I think if i ignore all of that kinda stuff it really makes no difference to me personally, it's just other people that make it a focus for me if that makes sense lol.

[Skeptoid]

I hate having to deal with all the extra financial burdens of being transgender. As for having kids... there's another burden I can do without. Whether man or woman, if I ever decided I wanted kids I'd much sooner adopt than contribute to the population problem.