Sometimes even writing my thoughts can just upset me. I write them in a notebook. Yesterday was an example of gone bad. I had nothing do when working so I just wrote and while writing about me being a girl and all, I kept getting more angry and sad. I finally put the pen down and closed my book. I write as therapy and always have on other things to.
It's something very painful for me that no one knows about. It angers me how I have to live with this boy thing while Im NOT a boy. I dont usually care about this stupid chromosome talk but I do say it was a birth defect to me. It's the cause of much of my problems. Not that it's what I consider to define a girl or boy but it's the dna that did give me a boy body. So than people look at me oh looks like a boy so he must be a boy. It goes ofcourse much deeper than this.
Ive been called sir, handsome, man and such boy terms yet I dont know what it's like basically to think or feel like a boy. I dont feel like a man or sir. People assume otherwise. Dress like a guy, guy haircut and other things. I get tired of holding it in but ya It also hurts when thinking or writing about it. I sometimes try to avoid it and it works but truth is, it never goes away. You might not think about it but it comes back. Im a girl and that doesnt go away anymore than Im human would go away. It's who I am. The T-Hormone even messes things up worse.
Again it's way deeper ofcourse but it sucks. Even writing this is painful for me.
