How to live not passing?

[Angieisalone]

I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc...., but something is missing and I think it's because hrt didn't do much for me. So I ask how just accept I'll never be passable?

[possessed]

There are many not passable women. It all depends what your goals are. You can be not passable woman and still be able to have a partner, job and so on. It is matter of accepting yourself for who you are. As long you are able to love yourself for who you are you will be able to live not passing. If passing is the only thing you can accept than surgery can help. Still there are many women who don't pass and many women and men find them attractive and many are well integrated into the society. It's a matter of personal preference

Sent from my LG-H220 using Tapatalk

[Dena]

If everything is in place as you say it is then the only thing left is attitude. If you are the least bit uncomfortable in public, you will draw attention. They may not read you but they will watch you. I go out without makeup in a T shirt and shorts but I never draw a look because I know I belong and I am comfortable I belong. The only way to develop this attitude is to move around in public. If possible, do it with a friend because another person will help distract you from the public.

I developed attitude pretty early but what really drove it home for me was a couple of years post surgical I was out with my future roommate who was just starting to transition and she had a bad case of nerves. I saw attention being drawn to us like I never seen it before and I knew it was only because of her nerves as I was still calm on the inside.

[iKate]

I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc....,

Hi, I am going to be a bit blunt so bear with me.

Are these your own opinions or did someone else tell you they are OK?

Often the way we perceive ourselves is quite different from reality.

Independent feedback is always important. My mom has provided an invaluable amount of that for me, and as a result I made a lot of changes and coupled with my new voice I can pass effortlessly.

Also, are you getting clocked as trans or are people simply misgendering you?

[MugwortPsychonaut]

Projecting a genuine feminine energy can do amazing things.

[suzifrommd]

I'm in a rut. It's been almost three years on hrt and I still have trouble passing for the most part.
My voice is decent, makeup is ok, etc...., but something is missing and I think it's because hrt didn't do much for me. So I ask how just accept I'll never be passable?

Some of the happiest trans women I know are not passable. Being transgender is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a part of your history, and therefore part of who you are. Not being passable just means that your past is on display. This is true of many other people - people with scars, limps, or visible marks from past injuries, for example. Part of the battle is accepting who you are and being comfortable having people know it.

Passability brings a certain amount of anxiety - you never know what people know about you.

I hope this helps. I am being honest when I say that my non-passable friends seem happier with their transitions than my passable ones.

[Angieisalone]

There are many not passable women. It all depends what your goals are. You can be not passable woman and still be able to have a partner, job and so on. It is matter of accepting yourself for who you are. As long you are able to love yourself for who you are you will be able to live not passing. If passing is the only thing you can accept than surgery can help. Still there are many women who don't pass and many women and men find them attractive and many are well integrated into the society. It's a matter of personal preference

As some have told me, surgery won't help because my face is too masculine and the best surgery will do is make me andro.

Not being passable just means that your past is on display.

And having people know my past makes me very uncomfortable.

Also, are you getting clocked as trans or are people simply misgendering you?

I'm getting constantly clocked left and right

[possessed]

Come on surgery won't help. You just need to find an aggressive doctor.

[Dena]

As some have told me, surgery won't help because my face is too masculine and the best surgery will do is make me andro.

And having people know my past makes me very uncomfortable.

I'm getting constantly clocked left and right

I don't know what you are doing wrong but I went back and look at your past posts and you are gorgeous as a woman.
It isn't your face and if I looked like that I wouldn't let a surgeon anywhere near me. People are either admiring you or you are giving off some other body signal they are picking up on. Don't forget that an attractive woman draws attention and you can misinterpret it as being clocked.

[possessed]

I just saw your pictures. You already pass as a woman and surgery can make you more feminine but you don't need
any.

Mod Edit- Messages that belittle or ridicule a poster are against TOS 5.

[Angieisalone]

I do need some surgery, mainly in the forehead and lip area as you can see in this pic http://imgur.com/cvtlzoY

[Mariah]

 
Ok folks lets please be mindful of how we respond to the issues people have. They may not seem big or important to us, but them they are. So belittling or ridiculing them is against TOS and is not appropriate. Thanks
Mariah

[CarlyMcx]

I do need some surgery, mainly in the forehead and lip area as you can see in this pic http://imgur.com/cvtlzoY

The Trans Fairy already gave you beautiful eyes, nose and lips.

You are already very pretty. 

Just my opinion, but I think FFS would have dramatic and beautiful results if the surgeon concentrates on the brow bossing and jawbone.

Other than that, it's all attitude.  Clothes and makeup can help, but if you watch enough drag shows, you will notice that the audience treats drag performers as if they were women, even when they know they are men.  And they do it even though the performers do not look like a woman you would ever meet on the street.  They do it because of the performer's confidence, sass and attitude.

[Rachel]

You are very pretty. If you were to do anything it would be upper lip length. However, you are pretty and HRT has done a lot.

[Angieisalone]

I don't think surgery will help me.
I have a lot more problems with myself and people because people tend to live in a delusion and it bothers me.

[Tessa James]

I can answer your question by noting that we all pass as our self.  Our physical manifestation is not all we are but only a temporary image.  I once had a beard but I certainly passed as the pre HRT person I was then.  Passing is oversold IMO, and is way too heavy on appearance vs character.  I now pass as a transgender person and that is the truth about passing for me.

I do wish you the best in finding happiness but wishing ain't fishing and I guess you will find a better place to drop your line.

[Angieisalone]

That really doesn't help.
I want to pass as a cis person, not a trans person.

[Tessa James]

Best of luck with that.  I have heard a smile goes a long way too

[Jessie Ann]

I think my smile is the thing that helps me pass more than anything.  That and having the attitude that I am comfortable with myself.

Best of luck with that.  I have heard a smile goes a long way too

[Ms Grace]

Regrettably there are some things surgery just cannot fix (or at least not 100% and/or not without many thousands of $$$), this is true. There are things I know would prefer be different about my physical presentation if I could simply click my fingers and have it done, but either it can't be done or is extremely expensive or I'm not prepared to go through that much trauma for potentially negligible results, so I just make do. And I guess that is the bottom line for most of us. We'd like to look completely genetic, but where we can't we need to figure out a way to let our personality and presence take us the rest of the way so we can actually live and enjoy our lives.