Strange Dreams

[Gewaltraud]

So I have identified as "it" for at least the past five years and am, for the most part, pretty asexual, but still find women attractive, so I've used the term lesbasexual before.

As of late, the past few months, I've been having strange "erotic" dreams in which I always have a penis. It makes me shudder to think about because I really don't like genitalia at all, so I'm super confused by the whole thing. I'm happily married and have no fantasies/desire for sex or contact of any kind, yet am plagued by these dreams. Do any of you know what I'm talking about, have experienced similar or have any advice? I would be very thankful.

[Laura_7]

You might try to see it as a symbol.

It could mean a connection to your more active/rational side...
it could be a hint to liking to start something new...
and it could be a hint to wanting a more sexual activity itself... not necessarily penetrative...


you could have a look at this and the link there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,193407.msg1725581.html#msg1725581


hugs

[Lady Smith]

Yes I've had dreams where my gender is fluid and is sometimes male.  At first that worried me because after all these years I've lived post transition the last thing I wanted to find out was that I'd made a big mistake.  I identify as asexual  so these often sexual dreams disturbed me on another level as well.  For myself at least I resolved the dilemma by embracing the fact that I'm intersex and unbound by binary constraints; - and also by realising that even though I'm not in general attracted to anyone in a sexual way, there is highly likely to be a small group of individuals out there somewhere in the world who possess the ability to claim my full attention.  I guess for myself I'm saying that I'm allowing for the fact that my asexuality could be a theory in progress rather than something set in stone.

[Gewaltraud]

Thanks for your answers! I was/am really worried that my subconscious wants me to transition or something..., which I consciously absolutely do not want. I would much rather have no genitals at all and be called it than him/her/them because I'm neither male, female nor plural, if that makes sense. Facebook doesn't have an it option, so I'm stuck with them. >.<

Also sort of concerned with the black cross in a circle on a white background because as far as I know, that's a symbol used by the KKK, unless there's another meaning I'm unaware of? I don't get out much...

[Lady Smith]

Thanks for your answers! I was/am really worried that my subconscious wants me to transition or something..., which I consciously absolutely do not want. I would much rather have no genitals at all and be called it than him/her/them because I'm neither male, female nor plural, if that makes sense. Facebook doesn't have an it option, so I'm stuck with them. >.<

Also sort of concerned with the black cross in a circle on a white background because as far as I know, that's a symbol used by the KKK, unless there's another meaning I'm unaware of? I don't get out much...

It's an earth cross which is a very old religious symbol.  It also happens to be one of the symbols for intersex which was in use in Europe for a while.  I'm definitely not a member of the KKK, - God forbid!

[Gewaltraud]

Good, sorry, I'm super paranoid about right-wing ideologies, since Neo-Nazis have a knack for finding my Facebook profile and either trying to befriend, convert or insult me.

Someone said something about a big, throbbing penis not being well replaced by any vegetable and I realised today that I kind of always wanted one, but not really. Just in my thoughts and dreams. I hate penetration, but in my mind, I penetrate. I'm so confused.

God, even just typing that makes me feel disgusted with myself. I apologise for being so graphic.

[Laura_7]

Someone said something about a big, throbbing penis not being well replaced by any vegetable and I realised today that I kind of always wanted one, but not really. Just in my thoughts and dreams. I hate penetration, but in my mind, I penetrate. I'm so confused.

God, even just typing that makes me feel disgusted with myself. I apologise for being so graphic.

Look... imo its not too graphic...

you might even write about your feelings it a bit further... maybe it helps you get a better picture...


Well I'd say try to use what you have and use your imagination.
There are vibrators. If you stimulate your parts you might imagine having a clit for example.  So you might just use what you have now...
some people avoid penetration stimulation, and use for example rubbing... lesbians for example rub on each other, its very pleasing... its called tribbing...

there are quite a few techniques to stimulate the head of the part and forget about the rest... you might connect that mentally to a positive image...
and try to enjoy it...

if its connected with loving thoughts all should be ok...


hugs

[Lex Six]

I have pretty strange dreams too sometimes. Whenever I have a dream that confuses me I consult this website.
http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

Some people I've shared this with say they think the results are vague/generalized but I personally find them helpful. Don't let this website make up your mind for you though, you're more likely to what your subconscious is trying to tell you than anyone else in my opinion.

[Gewaltraud]

Look... imo its not too graphic...

you might even write about your feelings it a bit further... maybe it helps you get a better picture...

It's just frustrating, disturbing, gross and confusing as an asexual. Like  I said, I don't want to be penetrated, but in my "fantasies," if you can call them that, as they're usually confusing-as-hell dreams, I have male genitals and am pleasing someone else. I don't feel like any sex or gender, which I think I made pretty clear. I don't even look at myself in the shower because I'm disgusted by having parts I don't want. However, these thoughts and dreams make me afraid that I feel like I should be male. I can't help thinking, well, maybe if I had a penis, I wouldn't be asexual and could please my wife, who does like penetration.

I have a hard time thinking about it, let alone writing or speaking it aloud. I've come to the conclusion that I don't understand myself at all and it makes me want to cry.

[Laura_7]

It's just frustrating, disturbing, gross and confusing as an asexual. Like  I said, I don't want to be penetrated, but in my "fantasies," if you can call them that, as they're usually confusing-as-hell dreams, I have male genitals and am pleasing someone else. I don't feel like any sex or gender, which I think I made pretty clear. I don't even look at myself in the shower because I'm disgusted by having parts I don't want. However, these thoughts and dreams make me afraid that I feel like I should be male. I can't help thinking, well, maybe if I had a penis, I wouldn't be asexual and could please my wife, who does like penetration.

I have a hard time thinking about it, let alone writing or speaking it aloud. I've come to the conclusion that I don't understand myself at all and it makes me want to cry.

I would suggest leaving judgement and simply looking at what is...
why keeping to a label like asexual ?
There can be enjoyment from sexual activity... done with loving thoughts...
and if she likes penetration, what about a strapon...
there are many ways to love each other...

[Gewaltraud]

I would suggest leaving judgement and simply looking at what is...
why keeping to a label like asexual ?
There can be enjoyment from sexual activity... done with loving thoughts...
and if she likes penetration, what about a strapon...
there are many ways to love each other...

It's not that I want to be asexual, I just kind of always have been. And labels mean very little to me. We have done strap on stuff, yes. The main problem being, I feel nothing and as soon as she's done, I no longer want to participate.

I'd also like to add that I'm very grateful for your suggestions, support and help. Like I said, it's a very uncomfortable subject for me... I've tried explaining it to my wife, but I don't think she understands and believes my lack of drive to be rooted in me not finding her attractive, which is bollocks.

[Laura_7]

An orgasm can be a source of pleasure and joy...
independent from parts a stimulation for example with vibrators is possible...

you might try to connect it with a feeling of love and joy...


where do you think does your kind of aversion come from ?
what feelings or thoughts do you connect with it ?


concerning your wife you might try to give her pleasure...
you might stimulate her with fingers, circling the clit or anchoring it with two fingers and stroking it with another...
teasing and building up anticipation could help... caressing her with a feather... gentle touches...
kisses behind the ear...
well she might feel loved this way...

you might see this all as kind of energy exchange, and pleasurable experiences... not fixated on body parts...

so this all might be seen in a different view...

[Gewaltraud]

Yeah, I'm not sure where the aversion comes from, because as far as I know, I've been neither physically abused nor harmed, but even on TV shows and in films, I have to look away during kissing scenes because it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. It also makes me feel dirty in a perverted, sexually deviant "you're ->-bleeped-<-ed in the head" kind of way.

It's really hard for me to focus during intimacy, so when I do try, certain body parts come to mind, if that makes sense. Then I'm suddenly so caught up in concentrating on the damn parts that I lose the desire altogether. If I do ever make it, which is maybe once a year, if that, I'm frigid again for the rest of the day. I've heard guys can't peak more than once an hour or so and I admittedly know nothing about male anatomy or how it works, but I just feel very out of place in my body and mind. Super hard to explain, so I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

I'm very lucky to have such an understanding and patient wife. We barely even hold hands or kiss because I don't like it. Of course I can try to connect it all with love and joy, but it's much easier said than done.

[Laura_7]

Part of this might come from self acceptance.

You might have a look here:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

It states that being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, neither the transgender persons nor their upbringing or whatever.

Since there is a spectrum of severity its a transgender spectrum.

So it might be possible to simply accept and relax...
instead of judging, or feeling disgust, which comes from judging instead of accepting thoughts... just seeing what is...

Often people have a feeling for what is right for them...
its when the mind interferes and labes and mental chatter begins...
acceptance and self love can help...

I'd say have some patience, you're not the only one... but try to see it as enjoyable, try to go with the flow (within reason)...
you might try some easy reversible steps, like changes to hair and clothing style... second hand shops can be a good source...
it can be fun to experiment...

[Laura_7]

If I see it right part of your username means unrest....

you might try to find peace...
often its not necessary to fight but to find peace... and exuding it...

staying on ones point of view but not finding it necessary to fight but your right to be you...


hugs

[Gewaltraud]

Part of this might come from self acceptance.

You might have a look here:
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

It states that being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, neither the transgender persons nor their upbringing or whatever.

I'd say have some patience, you're not the only one... but try to see it as enjoyable, try to go with the flow (within reason)...
you might try some easy reversible steps, like changes to hair and clothing style... second hand shops can be a good source...
it can be fun to experiment...

I dress according to colour and style, almost all of which I've acquired second hand. But there's nothing I own or wear that's specifically one gender or the other and I've have been "misgendered" uncountable times, though I find it more amusing now than offensive. I'm currently bald because brain cancer/radiation wiped out half of my hair, but I'm growing my hawk back! I'll read the link you sent in a second.

As for the user name. I was Waltraud in my high school German class and everyone called me that or Wally even outside of class. Die Gewalt is German for violence and Waltraud is a very old-fahioned German woman's name, so it's a play on words that my ex came up with.

[Laura_7]

Concerning that disease, there is a book by L.Hay, she had that too and wrote about what helped her.
The core of it is letting completely go of old anger and resentment. Just letting go.
Imo this is important. Giving oneself the allowance to start anew...


Concerning nutrition, there are people saying tomatoes might help (unless allergic). Together with oil, possibly cooked.
There are certain ingredients theat might help, and they are better absorbed together with a good oil.


A bit more moderation might be a good idea... simply being...


If you have read the brochure maybe a biological point of view can help with self acceptance and explaining to others.

So there is no need for a feeling of disgust. It might be replaced by a feeling of curiousity for what is ...


hugs

[Gewaltraud]

Concerning that disease, there is a book by L.Hay, she had that too and wrote about what helped her.
The core of it is letting completely go of old anger and resentment. Just letting go.
Imo this is important. Giving oneself the allowance to start anew...


Concerning nutrition, there are people saying tomatoes might help (unless allergic). Together with oil, possibly cooked.
There are certain ingredients theat might help, and they are better absorbed together with a good oil.


A bit more moderation might be a good idea... simply being...


If you have read the brochure maybe a biological point of view can help with self acceptance and explaining to others.

So there is no need for a feeling of disgust. It might be replaced by a feeling of curiousity for what is ...


hugs

I know very much about trans* already, so the brochure was pretty much just confirming my state of confusion, to which I alone have the answer... somewhere. I'm also vegan, so tomatoes are already a huge part of my diet and one of my favourite foods.

I don't deliberately feel disgusted; it seems like an automatic reaction that I have a hard time controlling.

I also have no idea what I could be angry about, other than your run-of-the-mill bigotry, intolerance and hate. If I knew what to let go of, I would.