Scared Witless

[MichelleZelda]

I'm just going go start with crossdressing,  and I'm scared as hell because I live with a number of people in a group home whom I dint know very well. It makes me worried that it'll change things between us because I get along with them pretty well. I know everyone says worry about myself, not them, but it makes me uncomfortable to think they'd be uncomfortable. Any bits of information? I'm gonna ask one of or both of the girls to take me shopping. ..

[Kerry30Den]

Michelle,

That's a great start! Asking some girls you know to take you shopping and for help.  Hopefully they are accepting and can help you inform the others in your home if that's how you want to proceed.

I always tell people cross dressing is about you first and what that means to you.  Some are happy to dress at home, while others want/need to be out and about beyond the home.  You need to sort out what form your dressing takes and how far you want to take it.  And remember, you don't have to go all out your 1st time; you can make incremental changes as you become more comfortable.

Life is far too short to go along with what everyone  says you should do... you have to follow your own path to happiness.

Kerry

[MichelleZelda]

But as I said the whole idea scares me a lot.... I feel so much shame when I act feminine, but masculinity has always felt two sizes too big... I just want peace

[Dena]

I felt the same many years ago. I knew I shouldn't brow clothes and dress up in them but it was nearly impossible to stop doing it. I didn't have anyone to help expose me to the public when I transition and the fear of walking out that door for the first time in female close was off the scale. Luck for me my first trip out the door was my night for group therapy so I didn't have the option of changing my mind.

The fear and shame both fade after a short time. In my case, I went to a number of therapy sessions and then I lost my job. My options were to take a new job and risk transitioning after I was hired or locate a new job as a woman. I decided the best option to seek a new job as a woman. By now I had some public exposure but interviewing as a woman was pretty uncomfortable at first. However I did find a job and worked as a woman at the new job.

You will be uncomfortable at first but it won't be long until you become comfortable in your new role.

[LizK]

When I cross dress I find there is somewhat of a change comes over my personality, I tend to be more confident and relaxed about things. I am better able to cope if I feel comfortable in what I am wearing. Whether that be a dress, skirt or pants. Venturing out was scary as hell at first for me...and it still is. I would give yourself time at home first to get used to the feel and texture of the clothes and the differences in the way you walk and move depending on what you have on. Get some confidence in yourself and what you are wearing before venturing out into the world...and never ever forget the main rule...if you do forget then you are missing part of it all...here it comes...don't forget to have fun...its easy to get too serious about it and a sense of humour will help you stay relaxed. Enjoy and don't forget to accessorise your outfit...necklace, earrings, rings, scarves, hats...that type of thing.

Sarah T

[Kerry30Den]

But as I said the whole idea scares me a lot.... I feel so much shame when I act feminine, but masculinity has always felt two sizes too big... I just want peace

There's no shame in feeling, being, or acting feminine inherently.  IMO the shame you feel is the press of what your belief in what society expects out of you.  You know that doesn't fit either though.  Baby steps... dress at home and get comfortable just being home dressed.  The rest will come later if/when you are ready.  The mirror initially may be your enemy when you are dressed... but I found that forcing myself to see me dressed helped.  It helped align how I feel inside with how I look outside.

[MichelleZelda]

The thing is I recognize the desire to present my feminine qualities, and if everything goes how I'd like, I could be going in public soon... I feel ashamed that I feel any shame... oddly enough

[Kerry30Den]

The thing is I recognize the desire to present my feminine qualities, and if everything goes how I'd like, I could be going in public soon... I feel ashamed that I feel any shame... oddly enough

That makes sense actually, you just have to wade through it.  Hopefully those feelings will settle down and you can get on with being the whole you 

[MichelleZelda]

Ugh now my roommate is dressed like trailer trash before we're going

[MichelleZelda]

Well, I did my shopping and I look FABULOUS.

when I saw myself in a mirror with a cardigan on, I saw MYSELF.

Not the buffoon who has been mismanaging my life for these past 20 - something years. Everyone agrees I look so much happier and cute.

[Dee Marshall]

I'm glad that they're accepting! I used to manage a group home and the residents were, mostly, the most accepting people I ever met. Of course you get some who accept nothing, but not many. Sounds like you're in a good one.

[MichelleZelda]

Just had some texts with my brother, he's fully on board, my whole house is supportive, this support group I go to nothing whatsoever changed, and I'm already thinking of myself differently. I'd say day 1 of crossdressing was a smashing success

[Dena]

I am glad we got you out the door so you can see it's not so scary. Soon it will be possible for you to answer the questions that have been troubling you.

[MichelleZelda]

I'm amazed at how different everything feels. Nothing really has changed but my clothes and attitude (slight behavioural stuff, but that's inconsequential) and my whole world seems SO much brighter! Everyone so far has been really warm.

I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

I'm enjoying this a lot, I tried tiptoeing around but now decided to just dive in and I'm loving life for the first time in a long time. I get to be me, even though I thought I was before.

[Dena]

I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

Typical woman, spend, spend, spend. 

[MichelleZelda]

Typical woman, spend, spend, spend. 

Unfortunately it's all my money.

[RavenL]

I love this! I need a purse and shoes (omg I've spent so much already) a new wallet... some other things to fill out a purse...

Welcome to actually enjoying shopping, its a lot of fun isn't it? Pretty soon you'll have a closet filled up.

[MichelleZelda]

I'm already on my way. Two pairs of jeans a pair of leggings, 4 cardigans 9 tops then I have all my old clothes that I'm not even gonna try to wear. If I could lose 50 lbs (probably more like 65, I've put on weight) I'd really be looking at a mich more ideal self finally. Thinking about it much makes me so happy I almost cry. A cardigan and shirt was all it took for me to admit this is who I want looking back from the other side of the mirror.

[MichelleZelda]

I just looked in the mirror and saw myself as female. GOOSEBUMPS

[Everbrooke]

I just looked in the mirror and saw myself as female. GOOSEBUMPS

Grats!  I secretly feel everyone should go full time.  I don't begrudge people going stealth for obvious reasons, but full time feels better.  Since goign full time I feel so amazing!  I'm glad cross dressing has worked out, and I wish you best of luck on your journey here on out!