Pronouns

[rib]

Does anyone else feel terrified when someone uses your correct pronouns in front of someone you havent come out to? Is it rediculous to ask people to use different pronouns around different people?

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

[invisiblemonsters]

it isn't ridiculous. if people are understanding and accepting your gender identity, they should understand that sometimes you need to use different pronouns for your own safety, etc. just explain to the person your situation and hope they understand.

[Muscle Matt]

If you're out to certain people and they're understanding of your situation and willing to use male pronouns for you, then they should be willing to use female pronouns around certain audiences (although they might end up mixing them up occasionally).

I'm going to the beach this weekend to see a lot of family I haven't seen (or that I've barely seen) in years. I'm bringing my friend who uses male pronouns for me, but I'm not out to my family yet, so idk what to tell her. I really just want to come out to my family and have them start using male pronouns and name, but I feel like my mom's going to be embarrassed and cause drama...I feel like once some of my family finds out, they'll all find out, and my mom's still not really accepting of it yet...I'll probably just have to suffer through it until next time I see them...

[Brayden]

I was absolutely terrified when I came out, especially since I was raised in a southern baptist church to a conservative family.

The one piece of advice that I learned over the few years was not to let it get to me.
Three years of T and five years since I came out and family members still refuse to call me he and to use my chosen name. They make it awkward but I know who I am and that is what matters. For one thing, I find it amusing to watch people's reactions when they use female pronouns to strangers in front of me.

Half my family is very supportive, the other half half refuses to accept my identity.

It is not ridiculous at all to ask certain people to use certain pronouns—do what you are comfortable with in regards to varying situations, environments, and circumstances. When my mother uses male pronouns and my chosen name in front of relatives who are entirely against my identity, they always have a disgusted look on their face or I can see it in their eyes.  It is upsetting but after a while I am assuming that they will become more and more comfortable about it, and will finally see me for who I am.

After some time it will become less nerve racking.

[Kuritzk]

Ugh, oh my god, don't get me started.

My friends are supportive, but they don't really understand it completely, sometimes. To answer your question, it's totally reasonable to be out in some close circles, and not out yet to people you just meet, or people you're not as close with.

Anyway, I agreed to help my friend out with the sound on his short film he was shooting a couple months ago. I was (and still am) close with him, but I didn't know any of the actors he brought along to shoot with. Before going along, he asks me via message what name he should refer to me as around the actors, and I tell him the unisex name I usually go by to people I'm not out around. Coincidentally, the next day in a completely unrelated conversation, I mention to my friends that I'm considering a name to go by, and I might go by that to people I'm out to.

So I go over to the hotel room he rented to do the filming, and introduce myself as [unisex name]. We carry on with the filming, and it's going fine, but then, halfway through, he says to me "Y'know, it's really awkward, because before you came, I told them your name was [male name I was considering]"

And then I realise why, even though I talked in depth with the actors, that they hadn't referred to me by name at all during the filming sessions. Or used any specific pronouns, I also realised. He basically told them I was trans, and without even consulting me or warning me that he did.

Needless to say, I was a little peeved, but it was an honest mistake. My general rule of thumb (at least, up until I got on T) was to introduce myself with the unisex name to people and let them just use whatever pronouns they assumed I went by (which unfortunately, was, and still is, female 99% of the time). I don't like telling people I hardly know that I'm trans, especially when I'm visibly not passing.