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Coming out to my best friend

Started by Sadephanie, August 18, 2015, 01:41:06 AM

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cindianna_jones

Quote from: JackieFox on August 21, 2015, 10:05:01 PM
Oh my God! I don't even know anymore!! I'm scared to freaking death of losing her and I feel like she might be avoiding me as much as possible, but I'm not sure and it's literally driving me crazy to the point I am depressed 100% of the time and even looked up how to tie a noose at one point today!! I'm so freaking scared it's killing me!!  :(

Okay, this can happen. Many people may not be able to handle it but will be polite. I just came out to my unofficial stepson and his wife of 24 years just two weeks ago. I was recently divorced and my son is my ex's blood relative. I told them both that I was saddened by the fact that I had been forced to deceive them all these years but now I wanted to square up our relationship and be totally open. So, since then, I have had a phone call from her and we talked for a couple hours. He doesn't call quite so often so I'll give him another few days. If he doesn't call, I will.

I made my change in the eighties and lost everyone except just one friend.... at first. My family came around, some sooner than others. But all of my other friends were lost. It sucks, but it happens. I should point out that my ex started calling me three years later to chat. We got along pretty well for a very long time until I published my book. She didn't read it but asked me not to call her anymore. That was an absolute total shock.

The loss of any relationship is the most difficult thing we face, I believe. It involves our self worth, our character, and all sorts of things that are the essence of who we are.  However, with that said, give her some private time to process what you've told her. She may come around. She may contact you. Don't pester her with messages. It may creep her out.

I'm so sorry.
Cindi
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Sadephanie

At this point she doesn't ever talk to me much in the least anymore and now I'm more depressed than I was when I lost eight friends who were like family to me a year ago. I hate my life and I will never let myself be close to anyone again. I will not freaking do this anymore. Five times is enough.
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Everbrooke

Quote from: JackieFox on August 27, 2015, 08:26:06 PM
At this point she doesn't ever talk to me much in the least anymore and now I'm more depressed than I was when I lost eight friends who were like family to me a year ago. I hate my life and I will never let myself be close to anyone again. I will not freaking do this anymore. Five times is enough.
Your upset, and reacting to it.  Like I said, this isn't the end of the world.  Losing a friend is hard, and if that is your friend's choice then that means she couldn't see you as real, or has her own hold ups.  Putting it on your shoulders is really too much.

Try to get out and get social.  I'm sure their are support groups in your area, and you might find new friends there.  Isolating yourself like this will not turn out well...
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Sadephanie

Isolation seems to be better than this constant bullcrap. I'm through. I don't care anymore. If she is just going to stab me in the back like every other friend I had then screw having friends. I've never had a true friend and never will. I'm done. I'm done and I'm DONE! No more even trying to have friends for me. Every person on this planet will just stab me in the back anyway so why bother?
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Tessa James

Quote from: JackieFox on August 28, 2015, 04:53:48 PM
Isolation seems to be better than this constant bullcrap. I'm through. I don't care anymore. If she is just going to stab me in the back like every other friend I had then screw having friends. I've never had a true friend and never will. I'm done. I'm done and I'm DONE! No more even trying to have friends for me. Every person on this planet will just stab me in the back anyway so why bother?

Because someone may just surprise you and become a much better friend.  Being angry and feeling betrayed is understandable but there are many more opportunities ahead.  As much as we try to predict it, the future is and remains unknown.  Have you ever met another transgender or queer person your age?   Another person with huge life changing issues might also be able to get how you feel.  People are constantly changing and dealing with complex issues we don't see.  Someone out there is looking for a friend too.

Feeling angry is going to pass too, it just takes so much energy to stay there.  You have better days and new friends ahead of you.  The whole planet is not yet defined by one person.  You have worlds yet to explore.  Keep on trucking Sade. ;)
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Sadephanie

I have been betrayed by a fellow trans, three bi friends, three straight friends and now my only friend. No one is different.
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Tessa James

Well that just sucks and only proves how little I know about you!  You still have seven billion people to consider tho ;)

Seriously, I only wish we could help you see a different way forward as there are so many unknown variables that could turn this around.

Maybe even tomorrow?  Till then, go kick a can around the block--more worthless advice I once got
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Sadephanie

If even someone like me would stab me in the back then I pretty much have no reason to trust anyone. My mom was right when she said the only person I can truly rely on is myself and that no one truly cares about me underneath it all. Katy was my last chance with friendships. (I don't mean the Katy I have seen on here from time to time(I mean my friend I have been referring to.))
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Everbrooke

Quote from: JackieFox on August 28, 2015, 05:58:47 PM
If even someone like me would stab me in the back then I pretty much have no reason to trust anyone. My mom was right when she said the only person I can truly rely on is myself and that no one truly cares about me underneath it all. Katy was my last chance with friendships. (I don't mean the Katy I have seen on here from time to time(I mean my friend I have been referring to.))
Maybe you need to feel that right now, but please don't do anything drastic.  Maybe you need time to heal.  I have faith things get better for you.
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Sadephanie

I'm pretty much freaking through. I hate people in general now.I now understand why some people I used to know (the fellow trans who backstabbed me is one) absolutely refused to trust me in some extent. Because they realised how much people don't care.
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Tessa James

Good morning!  We are having a great early storm here on the Oregon Coast.  There are countless reasons to distrust we fallible humans.  There are also countless experiences of caring and compassion that can restore us.  I might recommend some good books or even a good movie but I trust you will continue to meet new people with a better capacity to engage you.  One day at a time.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Sadephanie

That would take one helluva lot of care and compassion to make me believe again.
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KatelynBG

Unfortunately these things happen. I once made a bet with my brother where the loser had to wear a pink dress. I lost on purpose. A few weeks later I asked about the dress and he called me a homophobic slur and gave me a black eye and said I was mentally ill. Another time I came out to one of my best friends, he had been a groomsman at my wedding, he also had an alcohol and painkiller addiction that I nursed him through FOR YEARS. I haven't heard from him since I told him, despite numerous phone calls to him.

Unfortunately this is a reality that people like us have to deal with. The good news is that for every person that clears out of our lives, it opens up space for new, more awesome people to come into our lives. Try a group therapy, I think you'd find a lot of support there. Right now it should be about expanding your support network (advice that I'm getting from my own therapist btw). Don't isolate yourself, human beings are meant to be social creatures.
]
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MsMarlo

Hi Jackie.  I may be a bit late on this post, but just be honest and tell it like it is.  You have nothing to hide, and it will go so much better if you don't try and hide or keep anything from your best friend.  Hopefully you will find that this is a true best friend and you will have a shoulder to lean on, as we all do at one time or another.  Someday you'll be a shoulder for someone to lean on, and that is one of the best feelings in the world  :-)

Marlo




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Sadephanie

Sorry but you are pretty late. I know I'm never doing it again. Except to my parents and if they accept me after my transition then I will come out to others.
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Tessa James

Quote from: JackieFox on August 29, 2015, 11:24:49 PM
That would take one helluva lot of care and compassion to make me believe again.

That is understandable and cool with me as I have an an incorrigible belief that people do fall in love.  I look forward to that happening to you and the sooner the better. ;D
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Sadephanie

I don't think anyone will ever fall in love with me. I just don't. I seriously wish I never existed..
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Everbrooke

Quote from: JackieFox on August 31, 2015, 10:10:37 PM
I don't think anyone will ever fall in love with me. I just don't. I seriously wish I never existed..
Jackie sweety, you seemed so much better in chat a few days ago.  Did something else happen?  Getting down on yourself like this isn't doing you any favors, you'll only begin to push people away who DO care about you.
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Sadephanie

Some days I feel fine and some days I'm begging to die. I just honestly wish a few things could happen that can't or currently can't happen..
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Sadephanie

I can't take it anymore. All this effing going back and forth between friends and questioning whether we are or not is DRIVING ME INSANE!! I swear if this doesn't stop she will get one helluva long text message.
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